As you all know I have been pretty tormented with not being able to talk to Matt more than once a week. For awhile I felt like possibly there was something not right in the program, and I was worried about his safety. Now I feel like they are not trying to hide things from me, but they were just trying to get me, the variable, out of the picture so they could focus more on Matt. Still I have only talked to him once a week for months, and I have not seen him in 6 months - so when they approved the request for me to go see him for Christmas last Friday (uh, wayyyy last minute might I say) - I was pretty excited but very overwhelmed. They have taken our level of communication down so far, that it would be overwhelming to just dive in and spend 2 whole days, 24/7, together, in a hotel, on Christmas. Still I would be up there in a heartbeat except for this mono that I have. I am hesitant to put my body under the stress of traveling and navigating Matt and my relationship for 2 days. Yet, I feel like I would be letting him down. It is Christmas, and maybe I just need to be tough and do it. I haven't seen him for his last 2 birthdays, thanksgiving, and christmas? Seems wrong. I guess the other worry I would have is giving him mono, which he would then promptly give to the 12 boys he lives with. They are all 19-22, which is the prime time kids get this. And truly that is the last thing I want to run the risk of. I would feel horrible. Yet, as long as I steer clear of Matt we don't drink after each other or whatever, I am sure it would be fine. Yes, I am conflicted. Any advice?