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moral delemma
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 193231" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Hi KLMNO,</p><p>I'm glad you explained what you mean, I think I get it now. My difficult child 1's outpatient therapist that we had for several years did this same stuff. All she ended up doing was reinforcing difficult child's sense of power over our whole family. One thing she recommended was that my husband change his work schedule so that he could drive difficult child to her middle school so she would be sure to get there on time. difficult child walked to school at that time and often was late or would not go. The therapist said it was of utmost importance that difficult child get to school. Okay, we tried it. Well, now difficult child really had some power. She could cause my husband to be late to work if she dawdled enough and she could cause him a great deal of stress and anxiety! That little experiment didn't last long!</p><p></p><p>The therapist also could not seem to focus on anything. She would get distracted and difficult child was an expert at deflecting her away from her issues. She also would make "contracts" with difficult child which difficult child would immediately violate as soon as she left the office.</p><p></p><p>If I had only had this group to come to back then I think I could have figured out what to do and I would have fired that therapist much sooner. </p><p> </p><p>difficult child did have an outstanding therapist at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and my younger dtr has a great one here. He has taught me how to be a better parent and he is helping my dtr take control of her own life. He has taught me how to remain calm and get a handle on my own anger issues and how to keep from triggering her so she can feel safe enough to deal with her problems. He has given me permission to back off and allow her the freedom to make mistakes. He has taught me how to be a resource for her without taking over and trying to run her life for her and then getting angry when she doesn't do what I think she should do.</p><p></p><p>I guess the main thing is that my dtr and I have a much better relationship now thanks to her therapist. It seems to me that is what you are looking for--someone who will not make things worse but who will make things better.</p><p></p><p>Sorry for your frustration, I think I get it pretty well!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 193231, member: 3208"] Hi KLMNO, I'm glad you explained what you mean, I think I get it now. My difficult child 1's outpatient therapist that we had for several years did this same stuff. All she ended up doing was reinforcing difficult child's sense of power over our whole family. One thing she recommended was that my husband change his work schedule so that he could drive difficult child to her middle school so she would be sure to get there on time. difficult child walked to school at that time and often was late or would not go. The therapist said it was of utmost importance that difficult child get to school. Okay, we tried it. Well, now difficult child really had some power. She could cause my husband to be late to work if she dawdled enough and she could cause him a great deal of stress and anxiety! That little experiment didn't last long! The therapist also could not seem to focus on anything. She would get distracted and difficult child was an expert at deflecting her away from her issues. She also would make "contracts" with difficult child which difficult child would immediately violate as soon as she left the office. If I had only had this group to come to back then I think I could have figured out what to do and I would have fired that therapist much sooner. difficult child did have an outstanding therapist at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and my younger dtr has a great one here. He has taught me how to be a better parent and he is helping my dtr take control of her own life. He has taught me how to remain calm and get a handle on my own anger issues and how to keep from triggering her so she can feel safe enough to deal with her problems. He has given me permission to back off and allow her the freedom to make mistakes. He has taught me how to be a resource for her without taking over and trying to run her life for her and then getting angry when she doesn't do what I think she should do. I guess the main thing is that my dtr and I have a much better relationship now thanks to her therapist. It seems to me that is what you are looking for--someone who will not make things worse but who will make things better. Sorry for your frustration, I think I get it pretty well! Jane [/QUOTE]
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