More lies from difficult child 1, difficult child 2 in psychiatric hospital

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jbrain, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi All,
    feeling tired and a little depressed at the moment, so glad you are all out there.

    I really don't feel like writing a long post, will try to explain what has been happening without having to write every detail--hard for me!

    I found out Emily, difficult child 1, has not lived in her apt. for 2 and a half weeks--talked to her landlord, he says she and boyfriend abandoned it and owe rent for March and April. We will probably be going over to get her stuff out of there, most of it is stuff we gave her. She had a pet rat--I am sure hoping she didn't abandon the poor thing there too. I talked to her--long story about why I was calling the landlord in the 1st place--and she basically said she was lieing about her life so I would think she was doing okay. I talked to her about not being able to have a real, honest relationship with her. She said she knows she has problems but it is just easier to stay the way she is. I haven't heard from her since I found out her whole life is basically a lie.

    Today my difficult child 2, Molly, entered our adolescent psychiatric unit at the hospital. She had what she calls a "mental breakdown" Sunday night and says her anxiety is off the charts. She says it has been building up a lot and is so draining for her. She has thought about harming herself.

    I'll write more as I know it, just wanted to get it out. I was thinking of this site as I was sitting in the waiting room at her pediatrician's office (I had taken her for a medical problem and so I was pretty surprised to hear we were talking about the psychiatric unit at the hospital). I saw the other "normal" teens coming in for shots and other "normal" stuff and felt sad that Molly wasn't like them. I then thought of you guys and was so grateful there are other parents out there who know what that is like.

    Will post when I have more info,
  2. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    aw jane, I wish I could have been there with you and held on tight. maybe had coffee and talked it out

    no one deserves so much trouble in their families. emily must care what you think enough to lie to try and make you not worry about her. she knows the right stuff just chooses an alternate path.

    as for sweet Molly, she sounds worn out and perhaps needs this break to regroup. did I ever tell you???? that when I filed for divorce, ant was at his worst drug use, my ex was in a psychiatric ward being treated for his dear other son had a nervous breakdown. he could not handle the family dissoling. thing is, he is fine now and that was 6 yrs ago. I learned he needed some attention and time to digest it all too. ant had robbed all the family brains and effort for so many years.

    he is part of the reason I threw ant out. Nick said he could not take it any more to watch his brother be on the edge and make chaos again. now mind you, Nick is a cop in a very bad area of PGH. still when it hit close to home he collapsed.

    take care of you
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    We are here for you anytime you want and need us. Sorry to hear you are dealing with so much from both of them at one time. As far as Emily, if she feels it's easier to live this way right, then detatch and let her. Sounds like you need to be there for difficult child 2 a little more right now.

  4. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear this but am glad that difficult child 2 knew that she needed hospitalization. Hopefully, it will help.

    I totally relate to you when you look at other teens doing normal stuff and feel sad your child is not like them.

  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm so sorry. difficult children wreck havoc on the whole family. I know my easy child's have suffered because of the actions of their brother. Take care of the young one. Give her lots of love and support. God bless you all.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You are so right.......this cyber family is priceless because people here understand and care and not too many explanations
    are needed. Many of us have temporary solace just knowing that
    when things settle down we can reach out to the Board and express
    what we truthfully feel. Sending hugs and a prayer your way.DDD
  7. Once upon a time

    Once upon a time New Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through this and the lies you found out about.
    Even though Im new here(just today)I can understand some of what you are feeling.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Jane, I am sending you prayers and good thoughts. I hope your younger daughter gets her anxiety under control and is feeling better soon. So sorry about your difficult child 1. At least she is honest about taking the easy way. Hang in there, we will be here for you when you need to talk. -RM
  9. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I then thought of you guys and was so grateful there are other parents out there who know what that is like. </div></div>


    Jane, I'm so sorry for your pain. I can hear the exhaustion in your tone. Take care of you.

  10. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Glad you reached out Jane. So sorry for your pain. It's hard to see other easy child kids doing what we want so desperately want our kids to do.

    Glad your difficult child 2 understood her anxiety was building and was agreeable to the admission.

    Sending you some gentle hugs and cyber support.
  11. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    I'm sorry this is happening to you and your daughters, Jane.

    How ARE you and husband managing, through all this?

    I agree that the younger daughter realizing her anxiety levels were skyrocketing was a good sign.

    I say too that daughter #1 is trying to make you feel guilty and responsible for choices she made.

    She chose to do what she did, Jane.

    You cannot help them when you haven't been told what they need ~ and sometimes, that is just how the kids want it.

    Possible for you, husband, and daughter #2 to get away for a few days ~ or at least for lunch?


  12. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Everyone,
    wow, the support from you guys is amazing--thanks so much! I am at work this morning, see my therapist in about an hour, which is a a good thing! I will call the hospital after that if I haven't heard from them yet.

    Yes, you are right--the fact that Molly recognized how much her anxiety was escalating was a good thing. I have to work at keeping in mind that she is not Emily and she actually works at therapy and seems to want to get better. She also doesn't "act out"--she doesn't do drugs or alcohol, sex, all that stuff like Emily did.

    I haven't heard a word from Emily since Monday night when I confronted her about all the lies. She was supposed to go to eye dr. yesterday for a contact lense check--knew she would blow it off and she did. I do feel I have done all I can for her. I don't want to keep giving her money when she lies about what she needs it for. I don't really want to be involved in her life since I don't even know what her life is. I guess I feel like I don't know who she is really--is there a genuine "core" person there? I just don't know. I do know that all my help hasn't seemed to really help her and she will do whatever she wants. I prefer to maintain some distance so I don't eat myself alive over her and don't keep expecting improvement and then having my hopes dashed. I do worry though...

    I am going to try to get back to my routine--need to be exercising. I have a performance coming up with my singing group and need to be rehearsing for that. My husband and I were planning to go dancing this weekend and will still do that.

    Thanks again, will keep you all posted...

  13. Irene_J

    Irene_J New Member

    You seem a bit better and I hope it continues. It's so good your younger difficult child knew she needed help and reached out to get it. Sometimes even adults don't do that.

    Enjoy yourself with your husband this weekend and try not to give difficult child another thought. When I was going through the worst of it with mine, I would give myself a certain amount of time to think about difficult child, and then I would make myself do something else. I had varying degrees of success, but it brought some measure of relief sometimes.

    You're right about this board. There are no more understanding friends than those you will find here.
  14. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Jane, So sorry you're having such a hard time with BOTH at once...must be quite overwhelming.

    Your older daughter sounds so much like mine... I have had to distance myself, also. I just can't take the constant drama and inability to learn from past mistakes. I don't feel like I really know my daughter, either. It's sad, but I'm learning that my vision of what she and our relationship are "supposed" to be like is not realistic. I'm learning (slowly but surely) to accept that it is not gonna be what I dream of. That doesn't mean I've given up hope that she'll live a happy, productive life, but it's HER life, not mine! And she definitely has her own way of living it.

    Glad your younger daughter is asking for and accepting help.

    Your family is in my prayers. Alice