More stalking

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Dec 31, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So sis found another site I have posted on and is agsin reading my posts and I admit ive posted my side but hsve only read one of her shorter posts about me. It didnt upset me but if she wants to know how I see it, she can. She may disagree, but I feel better defending myself. At this point ivdont feel like posting again. If I do, it is like she got bsck into my head. And I know my negative deeds and own them and am sorry, but I was a child then and mother didnt do any disciplining of any of us.

    She knows darn well the stuff she has done and I have kept the worst of it private, even in anonymous land.

    Anyhow, they dont change and im going back to sleep. My fractured scapula gets sore after I have been sleeping on it so I have to sit up (groan) and put heat on it,bthen ice. Will be nice to be able to sleep through the night. But, all in all, healing great. My dad, who is 91, says I got his I hope so.

    Have a peaceful night. No, I wont go back to posting at the other site. But I do feel a sense of satisfaction that she read my point of view, even though she will reject her own wrongdoing. I never thought i would ever be able to tell her. Now I have and its just more moving on.
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    Last edited: Dec 31, 2015
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    It will be hard not to follow her I think, Serenity. Even with all the terrible things I learn and post about my sister or my mom, I love them and miss them and wish I could see them again. Maybe, that is because I am still coming through it.

    I think you should not go to the other site. Not even to read, there.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree, cedar. I was surprised to see her there and I dont want to go back. However, l wont lie. Im glad shr read what I wrote. I dont care what she thiinks of it.

    I need to stay here and only here. The
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I am sorry Serenity for this. I understand, too, having those nights with not enough rest, sometimes my arthritis wakes me up, and I am unable to get back to sleep, this is hard on our bodies. All things considered, dear friend, you have come so very far in your healing, it is hard work, coming away strong in the face of your accident. You are one tough cookie.

    With your sister.......
    I am sorry that it has gone to the level it has.

    I am the younger sister.

    So, it puts into perspective, how my sister may feel, when I spill over with the pain of growing up as I did.

    Thank you for sharing your story, here, I wanted to let you know, it has helped me, try to look at my past a bit differently.....and whatever future interactions I may have with my sis, try to reprocess, as well as avoid things that will cause the same reaction from her, I do not wish to hurt her.

    I can see how, my speaking of these memories would hurt her, so I am not going there anymore, with her. To be perfectly honest, if I did mention it, and we could just have a hug, a glass of wine, and sigh over our weird childhood, that would be awesome, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards....... I will continue to review them, to try to understand myself and learn, why I am the way I am, how to be a better person myself, that is the only control I have.

    The things that happened to me as a child, went under the radar of my parents, also, for whatever reasons. Still trying to figure that one out.....

    Our stories are similar there, but I think vastly different in that it seems from what I have read, and correct me if I am wrong, your lil sis went on this campaign of hurting you. It seems there is a vengefulness.

    I think it natural, that people want to have ties with their families, to be able to find respite and comfort. When this is not the reality, and will not be the reality, it is a double blow.

    When the blows just keep coming, from the same source, ouch.
    I am sorry, I am kind of all over the place with this.

    I guess what I wanted to say, too, is that I hope my postings have not dredged up memories and pain for you, or anyone, because I am the younger sister.
    I do know that whatever happened in our childhood, was not my sisters fault, because she was not stopped, I just wanted to share that, as well.......
    How could a child be blamed for mistakes made, that were not corrected by adults... but....when it carried over into our adult lives, that is a line crossed.

    And so it is for you, a line crossed........

    All of this that you are going through, with your younger sister, is so crazily extreme. To find websites you are posting on, and post there, too, is more than over the top. It is beyond comprehension. Stalking, what on earth is the point?

    I agree with your conclusion, and with Cedar, not to even go there.
    It seems to be some sort of showdown for her and is an invasion of your process. JMO leafy
    ps, drat, my keyboard is acting up, it is driving me batty, some keys work, some don't, my "enter" key is not working, got to switch to phone .....going to the apple store.......
    Serenity, keep your chin up, you are a good and kind person.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yep. And to get the family as a whole to gang up on me. Which I'm used to and have learned not to care bout, but, yes, this is her intent. She always needs somebody to pick was my brother first.

    I understand what you are saying, dear friend. It actually started with my mother and now my sister switched from meanly picking on my brother to me. Yet she kept coming back to me, without apology, and I took her back. This is even after she would call the police on me, even after we moved out of state, partly to leave her far away. Not that I have never said a mean thing back to her, but never would I have initiated a shun for ANY reason. And she can be very SHUNNING. She refused to invite my brother to her wedding because he was "ugly." I will never forget that. My mother was really in a tizzy about thhat, but, in the end, mother went to wedding. It's just a mess. She's a mess. We all turned out to be messes. But I believe strongly that I turned out the least messed up because I saw it and went for help from early on.
    I am sick of her misperceptions and following me to my places I post and reading my words, but I can't stop her. If she dislikes me so much, why does she want to read what I think? Well, probably to make fun of me with my brother, who is now her BFF. Truly, I don't get it. However, of late it doesn't hurt me anymore. It's just annoying, like being stalked. Yet it is MY choice to be annoyed. I am learning to blow it off.

    Yep. I did tease my sister when I was a kid and my mother allowed it. That's what she calls abuse. Obviously, it was not nice, but I was a kid. My mother did nothing. And my father was never home. At th e same time, she was picking on Brother, and nobody stopped her. We lived in chaos and anarchy. Do what you want to do. No protection.

    Well, she will still read every word I write here, but I have a New Years resolution to stay only on t his site. I don't have to throw fuel on her fire on other sites. Today is a new year :)

    Thanks for the feedback, Leafie. You and Cedar are 100% correct and thanks!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When I started posting on the Chronicles about family, I did not know she was reading so I was very candid about my experience. But she remembered that I posted here. I had told her. So she came here to see what I had to say and then went to another site I go to from time to time to tell everyone I am a liar and crazy, her typical words, as if she is a licensed psychologist. And that's how I found out she was reading this stuff and outraged that I thought my mother was abusive, etc. She scalled it "wrong" but it wasn't wrong. It halppened to me. What happened to HER is different than what happened to me.

    She has not stopped obsessing over what I write.

    She is very controlling and would call the cops to shut me up, claiming harassment and they HAD to come. She did this, even after we moved out of Illinois, but the cops in our new town new me and thought she was just a weirdo. What type of person doesn't invite her own brother to her wedding because he's too ugly and calls the cops on her sister because she doesn't like an e-mail?

    I think she is furious that s he can't control me on the internet. She tried to get me banned from this site. It did not work.

    Leafie, I don't understand her. I never will. I just know I need to stay away. Calling the cops is serious and a danger to me. I do have to keep away from her postings and,l although I can't stop her from reading what I write, I need to disconnect from her problems. Not that I have no problems, but I know what they are. She truly doesn't know her own problems, or think she has any/many, which makes her dangerous.

    I'm done reading anything she writes and have not really read her stuff for a long time. I just sometimes feel compelled to check and see if she is posting and look for her user name. I need to stop. That is a problem of MINE. I own it and I have to stop it. It's not like her and I will ever talk again. I am afraid of her now.

    It is in my o wn best interests to stick to this site only and let her post what she likes without checking. She has not been in my life now for a very long time and I will not allow her back in mine, as she always seems to come back and, fool that I am, I always let her in the past. Not anymore. I do have enough good peeps in my life.

    Thanks again for caring enough to answer, Leafie and Cedar.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My husband came up the name "the stalker."
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  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I do not think there is any understanding of this sort of thing. It is certainly not normal.

    Sorry, just saying..... What motivates some people, to do the things they do, or go as far as they go........
    I do not think Dr. Seuss meant these extremes you are writing of, when he wrote "Oh! The Places You Will Go!" There needs to be a special sequel, for people like your Sis, like...... "Damn, You shouldn't have Gone There!"

    Meh, Serenity, I wonder if we are just genetically wired to have this curiosity about our FOO, no matter how far removed, betrayed, is there this DNA draw, a magnet of attraction, to cause us to need to know, or, in your case, to continue to forgive the oddest behaviors over and over? Are we predisposed through our biological ties, to forgive more? After a time, if friends behaved thusly, we would have RUN!
    Really......calling the cops over an email....... not inviting brother to the wedding because he is ugly.......what the heck is at work here........It is the stuff of those old sensationalized trashy talk shows....who was it? Jerry Springer? He would have the weirdest topics.....this would fit right up there.

    How do people maliciously try to hurt their own siblings, with a vengeance, and be able to walk with head held high? Sleep at night? No conscience?
    It is bullying.
    Your sister is a bully, SWOT.
    This is cyber bullying. Unacceptable. UGLY.

    I do not get it either.

    Let me just say this, from the few months I have been posting here, reading posts you have written, you are staying here beyond the challenges your children faced, to help others learn from your experience, says much about who you are as a person. Insane and you were one of the first to respond to my lonnnnnng forlorn first post here, and your words were loving and comforting.
    Mean, bad people, do not reach out to others in this way.
    You are a fine human being, Serenity. There is NOTHING your little sister could write, that would convince me otherwise.
    That is my story, and I am sticking to it. Closing the door on that chapter, and the insanity of the stalking, is appropriate.

    Sister will have to find another occupation, other than to try to get into your head. Or, any of your friends heads and hearts, for that matter. Here, you are protected, and your friends and sisters here love you tremendously.
    Out she stays.
    She does not belong in your place of peace and security.

    Best of luck to her in focusing on her own life, and leaving you in peace.

    The world is your oyster, SWOT, and you have made some fine pearls out of a shell full of sand.
    As we say over here
    "Kulia I ka nu'u" Strive for the highest.......
    "You GO girl!"
    Keep on keepin on.
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Serenity,

    I am just seeing this thread. I am sorry your sister feels so insecure and small that she must follow you around, hoping to quiet and control you. It has nothing to do with you, except that you are her target. She would take away your happiness, sense of security with all you have and will have. I am sorry. But she cannot touch you, if you do not let her. And you will not let her. Nor will we.

  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    :group-hug:Thanks, all.

    Leafie, with all my adopted kids, I feel less interest in FOO/DNA. If Sis had just done her normal every day cut off and left it there, I'd be well through with it by now and since she won't, I have to be the one to do it. There is nobody else on earth who thinks about me like she does except maybe brother and, if he does, well, he has no idea of how she felt about him until she needed him because she no longer had me. Also, bro was Mother's golden child and in no way did she treat him like she did me (shrug). He has never had a live in relationship in his life. As far as I know, he never had ANY romantic relationship in his life. Not even a girl or male he dated. That's not normal either. I think he loved our mother a bit too much. I'm dead serious here. She ruined him too.

    Back to Sis. I know her opinions are just spiteful meanness because I would not enable her, after four years, of talking to me repeatedly about her abusive boyfriend...long story and I'm tired of even writing about it.

    You friends will help me continue to detach.

    Yes, when she feels she is able, she is a bully.

    Have a great night :)
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2016
  11. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Her loss is GREAT, and she doesn't even know it. Too bad.
    It is a shame, but what can anyone do?
    I am sorry for your past,you have done much work and made huge strides on coming to peace with it, forging your own family to embrace the present and future with.
    Good example for us all.
    Thank you Serenity.