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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 209005" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You seem like a very nice person. Here is my opinion. Please don't take it the wrong way. I think you are very caring. But I doubt if any "right" discipline will make this child be able to behave the way a "normal" kid does, at least not for a long time. Ok, here I go.</p><p></p><p>Well, I first of all want to say that the child obviously has more than ODD going on. ODD rarely stands alone. Secondly, I'd like to say that I can't imagine him choosing you over his son. You say you don't live in the same state. How well do you know each other? If you marry this man, the child will be a part of your family. Do you really want this because the child is going to need a lot of help (not just discipline, but help, before he can behave better. Or it may not happen that he improves as much as you hope). I have some questions for you that will help us help you. If you don't know the answers, fiance should tell you the answers (in my opinion he should have filled you in on his child completely). Ok, here goes:</p><p></p><p>1/Who evaluated him? Has he ever had a complete intensive evaluation by a neuropsychologist? My guess is no. If not, I highly recommend one. They are fantastic diagnosticians, much better than pediatricians, therapists, social workers, even better than many child psychiatrists. Is this child on medication?</p><p></p><p>2/Are there any psychiatric disorders or substance abuse problems on this child's family tree (either side). Some mental illnesses are inherited. Substance abuse is a red flag that the person who abuses has a mood disorder and may be self-medicating. These details are very important to bring with you when a child is being evaluated.</p><p></p><p>3/How was Michael's early development? Did he speak on time? Make good eye contact? Cuddle? Can he socialize appropriately with his peers? Does he have any sensitivities to loud noise, changes from one activity to another, certain textures, foods? Wetting his pants is often NOT a behavior problem, but a sensory issue. It sounds like he doesn't mind being wet. That alone is a red flag. Perhaps he is somewhere on the autism spesctrum. This isn't a bad kid. Something is the matter with him and he's not getting the right kind of help.</p><p></p><p>I would think hard about whether or not you are up to taking on this child. There is no guarantee that he will ever be "typical." And you have your son to consider. Also, think about it--would you chose even a man you love over your child if you were forced to chose?</p><p></p><p>I think the two of you need to live in the same state for a while land get family counseling before you get married. in my opinion it will be a disaster if the issue of the child is not resolved. (((Hugs))) Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 209005, member: 1550"] You seem like a very nice person. Here is my opinion. Please don't take it the wrong way. I think you are very caring. But I doubt if any "right" discipline will make this child be able to behave the way a "normal" kid does, at least not for a long time. Ok, here I go. Well, I first of all want to say that the child obviously has more than ODD going on. ODD rarely stands alone. Secondly, I'd like to say that I can't imagine him choosing you over his son. You say you don't live in the same state. How well do you know each other? If you marry this man, the child will be a part of your family. Do you really want this because the child is going to need a lot of help (not just discipline, but help, before he can behave better. Or it may not happen that he improves as much as you hope). I have some questions for you that will help us help you. If you don't know the answers, fiance should tell you the answers (in my opinion he should have filled you in on his child completely). Ok, here goes: 1/Who evaluated him? Has he ever had a complete intensive evaluation by a neuropsychologist? My guess is no. If not, I highly recommend one. They are fantastic diagnosticians, much better than pediatricians, therapists, social workers, even better than many child psychiatrists. Is this child on medication? 2/Are there any psychiatric disorders or substance abuse problems on this child's family tree (either side). Some mental illnesses are inherited. Substance abuse is a red flag that the person who abuses has a mood disorder and may be self-medicating. These details are very important to bring with you when a child is being evaluated. 3/How was Michael's early development? Did he speak on time? Make good eye contact? Cuddle? Can he socialize appropriately with his peers? Does he have any sensitivities to loud noise, changes from one activity to another, certain textures, foods? Wetting his pants is often NOT a behavior problem, but a sensory issue. It sounds like he doesn't mind being wet. That alone is a red flag. Perhaps he is somewhere on the autism spesctrum. This isn't a bad kid. Something is the matter with him and he's not getting the right kind of help. I would think hard about whether or not you are up to taking on this child. There is no guarantee that he will ever be "typical." And you have your son to consider. Also, think about it--would you chose even a man you love over your child if you were forced to chose? I think the two of you need to live in the same state for a while land get family counseling before you get married. in my opinion it will be a disaster if the issue of the child is not resolved. (((Hugs))) Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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