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<blockquote data-quote="jumpingoffplace" data-source="post: 210128" data-attributes="member: 6247"><p>Hello all,</p><p></p><p>Before I begin, I ask all of your who have been so kind in your responses not to be offended by my trying to answer everyone's questions in one reply. Unfortunately I didn't receive emails as you answered and am now happily swamped. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> Thank you, each and every one of you for taking the time to answer and for all of the wisdom and kindness you offered. </p><p></p><p>Ok, now on to the questions... </p><p></p><p>Micheal's mother is not in the picture. My fiance has had full custody of him since he was 1 1/2. In all of that time she has only seen him a handful (if that) of times. She doesn't call, write, acknowledge holidays or birthdays. Nothing. A few years after his divorce from Micheal's mother he became involved with, and lived with a woman who was abusive to Micheal. My fiance left as soon as he realized what was happening, which was 10 months later. Micheal was four. I don't know much about his development, like whether he hit certain milestones at the appropriate age or not.</p><p></p><p>Micheal is very, very intelligent- his IQ scores are amazing. He has been evaluated by psychiatrists who gave him the diagnosis of ODD and ADHD. They are also now beginning to discuss Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). His dad and I were talking about his family and I learned that his father and brother both have chemical imbalances. A lightbulb went on in my mind. Since this can often be hereditary I suggested to my DF that he get Micheal tested. He says he is going to.</p><p></p><p>DF is not as proactive with Micheal as I would have hoped. He kind of "goes with" whatever the councelor says, even if he doesn't think it's right. Micheal is like this every where- home, school, here and out in public. My DF mother and I have discussed it at length, as have DF and I. This is nothing new, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>He is currently taking Ativan.</p><p></p><p>As far as the bed wetting...His father, in a desperate attempt to change things, told Micheal that if he didn't start getting up to go to the bathroom instead of peeing in his bed that he was going to buy him Goodnights, and explained what they were. This was 2 weeks ago and Micheal hasn't had an "accident" since. I would LOVE to believe he wasn't purposefully wetting the bed, but this almost seems to prove it, though I could be wrong. It won't be the first time and certainly won't be the last, lol.</p><p></p><p>When they are here on the weekends the boys sleep on seperate levels of the house, my little guy downstairs, and Micheal upstairs. Micheal is getting up at the crack of dawn, creeping downstairs and waking my boy up. I don't think it is a good idea for them to share a room either- not even for a weekend!</p><p></p><p>(sigh) I am so very stressed out about this whole thing...My first priority is my little guy and protecting the world he has come to know and trust. I can't let Micheal swoop in and turn it upside down for him. And I don't expect for a second for my fiance to choose me over his son- lord knows if someone asked me to choose them over my son I would have some very choice words to say! The truth is, no matter how much I love them, love isn't enough (yes, Fran I agree!). Unfortunately our love will fade if we are under constant strain because of this issue. I will resent him, and in turn he will resent me for not being patient enough. I'm trying to look at this from all possible angles, good and bad. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, I have limits on what I can handle...and I know, as much as I hate to admit it, that I can't live the way we do on weekends every day of my life. Not only that, but I can't let my son live with it either. My little guy absolutely amazes me with how well behaved he is, how smart and compassionate he is at the tender age of 3. (I know, I'm biased lol) I fear Micheal living here would change my little guy in ways I wouldn't be able to repair. I've voiced all of this to DF and all he says is "It's just going to take time." and "It'll be ok." </p><p></p><p>He is in a hurry for us to live together...I'm not. I'm going to be moving in a few weeks (I bought a house) and he keeps asking when they can move im- as if when we live together Micheal will suddenly "get it" which I know is impossible. I love DF but he really needs to get his head out of the clouds!</p><p></p><p>DF and I have known each other since we were 14, we went to school together. We re-connected a year ago and have been together ever since. He has been taking care of his mother until she moves in with his older brother, which is why he is in another state. </p><p></p><p>ARGH! I want to do the right thing...for everyone involved...and I don't know what that is. Micheal has been going to school telling people that he is "finally going to have a real mom." And he gushes to his grandmother about how much he loves it here. I don't want to hurt him, or DF. But, I know that if I don't handle this with my brain instead of my heart that the pain involved for all of us could be a lot worse later on. </p><p></p><p>Again, to all of you...thank you sooooo much for all your kind words, thoughts, questions, suggestions... I can use every one of them- and will certainly be picking up the Explosive Child the next time I'm at the bookstore!</p><p></p><p>(((hugs to all)))</p><p>~ J</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jumpingoffplace, post: 210128, member: 6247"] Hello all, Before I begin, I ask all of your who have been so kind in your responses not to be offended by my trying to answer everyone's questions in one reply. Unfortunately I didn't receive emails as you answered and am now happily swamped. :happy: Thank you, each and every one of you for taking the time to answer and for all of the wisdom and kindness you offered. Ok, now on to the questions... Micheal's mother is not in the picture. My fiance has had full custody of him since he was 1 1/2. In all of that time she has only seen him a handful (if that) of times. She doesn't call, write, acknowledge holidays or birthdays. Nothing. A few years after his divorce from Micheal's mother he became involved with, and lived with a woman who was abusive to Micheal. My fiance left as soon as he realized what was happening, which was 10 months later. Micheal was four. I don't know much about his development, like whether he hit certain milestones at the appropriate age or not. Micheal is very, very intelligent- his IQ scores are amazing. He has been evaluated by psychiatrists who gave him the diagnosis of ODD and ADHD. They are also now beginning to discuss Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). His dad and I were talking about his family and I learned that his father and brother both have chemical imbalances. A lightbulb went on in my mind. Since this can often be hereditary I suggested to my DF that he get Micheal tested. He says he is going to. DF is not as proactive with Micheal as I would have hoped. He kind of "goes with" whatever the councelor says, even if he doesn't think it's right. Micheal is like this every where- home, school, here and out in public. My DF mother and I have discussed it at length, as have DF and I. This is nothing new, unfortunately. He is currently taking Ativan. As far as the bed wetting...His father, in a desperate attempt to change things, told Micheal that if he didn't start getting up to go to the bathroom instead of peeing in his bed that he was going to buy him Goodnights, and explained what they were. This was 2 weeks ago and Micheal hasn't had an "accident" since. I would LOVE to believe he wasn't purposefully wetting the bed, but this almost seems to prove it, though I could be wrong. It won't be the first time and certainly won't be the last, lol. When they are here on the weekends the boys sleep on seperate levels of the house, my little guy downstairs, and Micheal upstairs. Micheal is getting up at the crack of dawn, creeping downstairs and waking my boy up. I don't think it is a good idea for them to share a room either- not even for a weekend! (sigh) I am so very stressed out about this whole thing...My first priority is my little guy and protecting the world he has come to know and trust. I can't let Micheal swoop in and turn it upside down for him. And I don't expect for a second for my fiance to choose me over his son- lord knows if someone asked me to choose them over my son I would have some very choice words to say! The truth is, no matter how much I love them, love isn't enough (yes, Fran I agree!). Unfortunately our love will fade if we are under constant strain because of this issue. I will resent him, and in turn he will resent me for not being patient enough. I'm trying to look at this from all possible angles, good and bad. Unfortunately, I have limits on what I can handle...and I know, as much as I hate to admit it, that I can't live the way we do on weekends every day of my life. Not only that, but I can't let my son live with it either. My little guy absolutely amazes me with how well behaved he is, how smart and compassionate he is at the tender age of 3. (I know, I'm biased lol) I fear Micheal living here would change my little guy in ways I wouldn't be able to repair. I've voiced all of this to DF and all he says is "It's just going to take time." and "It'll be ok." He is in a hurry for us to live together...I'm not. I'm going to be moving in a few weeks (I bought a house) and he keeps asking when they can move im- as if when we live together Micheal will suddenly "get it" which I know is impossible. I love DF but he really needs to get his head out of the clouds! DF and I have known each other since we were 14, we went to school together. We re-connected a year ago and have been together ever since. He has been taking care of his mother until she moves in with his older brother, which is why he is in another state. ARGH! I want to do the right thing...for everyone involved...and I don't know what that is. Micheal has been going to school telling people that he is "finally going to have a real mom." And he gushes to his grandmother about how much he loves it here. I don't want to hurt him, or DF. But, I know that if I don't handle this with my brain instead of my heart that the pain involved for all of us could be a lot worse later on. Again, to all of you...thank you sooooo much for all your kind words, thoughts, questions, suggestions... I can use every one of them- and will certainly be picking up the Explosive Child the next time I'm at the bookstore! (((hugs to all))) ~ J [/QUOTE]
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