More tragedy...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by bran155, Jul 10, 2008.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    My stepson is with us for the summer. His mother just gave birth to a baby boy 2 weeks ago. While she was pregnant they found out the baby had a heart condition and would need several surgeries in the first few months of his life. As soon as he was born he had his first open heart surgery. He was scheduled to have another surgery today, however he passed away early this morning before they even got to do the second surgery. Last night he had a tube put in his stomach, he could no longer eat on his own. This morning he choked on his own vomit and passed away. :(. My husband got a call from his ex mother-in-law at 6 am. We told my stepson and of course he is crying and very sad. I feel horrible for the family and my stepson. We are in NY and his mom is in FL. They might bring the baby up here for the services as her whole family lives in NY. I feel so bad for the mom, she must be in so much pain. She has been living at the hospital with the baby for the past couple of weeks, she was very optimistic that there would be a good outcome. The poor thing, she really thought the baby would pull through. Absolutely heartbreaking!!!

    They say tragedy happens in threes. My daughter is not doing well and is in the hospital, my stepson's baby brother passes away and we also found out that my husband's first cousin just went to jail for murder, he is facing 25 to life!!! What else is going to happen?

    Life stinks sometimes. Any ideas on what I should be saying to my stepson? I told him God needed another angel. :(
  2. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    oh my, hugs to everyone!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

  4. jal

    jal Member

    I am so sorry. Hugs to you all.
  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    How sad. Sending hugs also.
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    What very sad news all of that is. I'm very sorry about the baby.

    What is wrong with your daughter that she is in the hospital for?
  7. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so sorry. Glad you can be of help to your step-son; lots of hugs and just being there will mean more than words.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hugs to you and your stepson & family -- I'm so sorry. I think what you told him was a good thing. I also tell my kids that God has a purpose for all of us, even if we can't see it right away.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    My condolences for the passing of the baby.

    Hugs for your daughter and a speedy recovery.

    Strength to continue to to deal with the other tragedy.

    -I too believe in the threes - Sooo I think you're done.
  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I am so terribly sorry for this loss.

    When our infant daughter died, I got a lot of condolence letters, etc. The one thing that has stuck with me through the years, the most comforting thing, was what the hospital chaplain said to me. God has a plan and sometimes we just cannot understand what it is. It took a huge leap of faith for me to accept that but... for us anyway, in the face of such a horrible loss, that was really the best and most comforting explanation at the time. Honestly, I wouldn't know how else to explain this to your stepson. I'm just so very sorry for the family's pain.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I am so sorry for the loss of your stepson's brother - how tragic. I think being there for him and just reminding him that you're all there to help him through this is more important than any words. Hugs to you all.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. This is very sad.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Bran...I'm so sorry. Sending hugs to all of you.
  14. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Wow. Don't know really what to say other than hugs right now. Poor baby.

  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am very sorry.

    It is important to use the baby's name in conversations. Especially with his brother. He is a brother, no matter that he never got to play with him. This is increasingly difficult for kids to understand because they do not 'know' who this name you are using is. But, let's say they named him Ricky. Ricky will always be your stepson's brother - his entire life. Ricky will always be your stepson's mother's other son. She is Ricky's mom. It is terribly hard for people to understand because they did not know Ricky.
    Her arms will physically ache for her baby. It is going to be a very difficult time for the family.

    Use his name whenever you speak of 'the baby'.

    I think what you told your stepson is good. Is your stepson heading home for a funeral?
  16. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    hugs and prayers for everyone and praying for healing for all the hearts broken by this little one's passing
  17. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thank you all so much for your support and kind words. It really means alot!! My stepson is doing very well. It was a blessing that he was here with us as it would have been too difficult for him to be home with his mom. Too much emotion there for him to handle. We are trying to keep him busy, he seems to be handling this well. I'm sure it will be a different story when he goes back home. The services will be this weekend, my stepson will not be going. His family felt it best for him to stay with us. My husband and I agree. The baby is being cremated (not sure of spelling).
    My husband spoke to his ex mother-in-law a few times, they are all a mess. She said the mom is bordering a breakdown. Poor thing, my heart really goes out to her. We all get along pretty well so that makes this alot easier on everyone.

    Thanks again. God bless. :)
  18. How tragic! My heart goes out to everyone. I agree with you though, it will probably be harder for your stepson after he goes home - it will be more real to him because then he will be faced day to day with his mothers grief. I also agree busywend, this baby will always be your stepson's brother.


  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooo! I am so sorry.
    That is so sad. Especially since they had the surgeries scheduled and gave the parents such high hopes.
    What a tragedy.

    How old is your stepson?
    We've never told our kids that God needed another angel ... we've always just told them the truth, at any age. Of course, we've left out details when they were young, and added details as they mature.

    My difficult child is always full of questions ... he would have asked why the doctors didn't do surgery, or why the surgery didn't work, and then would have asked if HE was going to die from a heart problem. So I would emphasize that he is healthy, his parents are healthy, and sometimes life is just the pits. And crying is okay for everyone. And that his mom will need a hug when he sees her.

    Maybe you can have him write her a letter or draw a picture for her.

    P.S. So sorry about your husband's cousin. Wow.
  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Bran, I am so very sorry.

    Your stepson is very fortunate to have you in his life right now (although he may not even realize it). Bless you for being there for him.

    My heartfelt prayers go out to his mother.