Mother from Guatemala first decisions

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Asilana, Jul 14, 2007.

  1. Asilana

    Asilana New Member


    I´m really grateful for all the answers received. I forwarded some quotes to my ex husband and he was as shocked as I was at the beginnig.

    We started to follow some steps: Stopped enabling him giving him everything he wants. It is so soon, there has been no reaction, but we are taking some steps to prevent or try to manage this situation.

    I also decided, I am entitled to be happy for the first time in my life and receive with gratitude what people that loves me are giving me, like my fiancee. I deserve a happy life. I tried giving one to my son but he took the his own decisions, and one is being an abusive and angry person.

    I continue my plan of serching for therapeutical help, if he is not taking it, I am taking it, because I feel I need professiona. support in this moment so critical.

    I am setting boundaries (so difficult it has been to settle boundaries and limits to my son) I have the determination to keep them, even if the world turns upside down.

    Thank you very much, again. I appologize for my English, because it is not my primary language, but I try to do my best.

    Love to you all.

    Asilana
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm glad you and your ex are standing together in this. It will make it easier in the long run.

    There's a good chance your son hasn't reacted yet because he doesn't believe either of you will stand firm. That, I've found, is the hardest part. It is easy to say no more. It is hard to do no more day after day, especially when they start acting up, making you feel guilty, etc.

    I hope you find yourself a good therapist soon. It can make a world of difference. You certainly deserve to feel good about yourself, to understand that you are not a failure, that you are deserving of love.

    Good luck in this journey. It will not be easy but it will be a journey worth the trip for both you and your son.

    (And don't worry about your English. You make yourself understood perfectly and that's all that manners.)

    HUGS
     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Meowbunny is right, your English is just fine. We know exactly what you mean.

    You have begun a journey that is not easy, but very necessary. You took the first steps, and should be very proud of yourself. Indeed, you have earned your time to be happy with your fiancee.

    Good for you! Feel free to come back here any time for support!

    Much love and many prayers back to you.
     
  4. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    "I deserve a happy life" Yes, you do!

    When we finally understand that we are not responsible for the actions of others, we are released to feel happy once again.

    Sending good thoughts your way. This will be hard, but you sound determined and that is good!

    Traci
     
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    WOW! You catch on quick :smile:
    I agree there has been no reaction because he probably doesn't believe it will continue this way. Expect some real anger and manipulation once he figures it out, but that is even more reason to put a plan in place as to how you will react, and then stick to it. Once you start this, if you go back on it, he will never believe you will follow through. Just keep giving him reason to believe it and let him know that he is old enough to begin to make his choices and you will be there to support him when he's ready to make positive ones. That is called detatching with love. let me know you love him with all your heart, but you cannot enable him any longer, or watch him destroy his life any longer.
     
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