mother in law in hospital Declining

[Marguerite]

I'm glad the staff are fussing over her. Talk to them about our thoughts, that way if tey notice her fainting episodes they will at least call someone, even if it's just a GP. Maybe a GP would be better - they could still order Dopplers.

I canunderstand her not wanting to prolong misery, but if something is an easy fix and pain/discomfort can be reduced easily, surely it is preferable? Again, a GP should be the one to explain this to her and to work with her to give her what she wants.

I mentioned the family member who had the mastectomy at 99 - she later broke her pelvis (at 101) and spent a week in hospital. Shwe ten went to a nursing home then came out of there back to her unit. She didn't like being in pain; a few months later she was in hospital again for a routine medication adjustment; I'm not sure what happened, I think at that point she said, "I've had a full, active and healthy life but now I'm in pain. So leave my medications alone, stop them all and just let me die."
My mother did the same thing a fortnight later - she was in hospital with pneumonia and was given the choice - fight the pneumonia with antibiotics, or let it take her. At first she fought and wanted to get well, then when told she would have to go back to the nursing home she hated, she said, "Stop my medications. let me die. it's my choice."
She'd always said that pneumonia was the way she wanted to go - "old man's friend", she called it. She knew it well.

So under some circumstances, fighting it is a good choice especially if it makes the patient more comfortable. But if it's gonibg to be uncomfortable and only produce minimal improvement, then the patient's wishes should be respected.

I hated losing my mother but I respected her decision. I was glad that her suffering was ending and that she had made her own choice in this. Not many of us get that opportunity.

Marg

 

[DammitJanet]

Lord it is so hard to know what to do when that quality of life thing happens. I am a firm believer in DNR. I always said I wanted a DNR. Little did I know that my family when asked told my doctors to never give up on me...lol.

I have had to sign three DNR's on people...my grandmother, my mom and Tony's grandmother. I think it was the right thing to do in each of those cases. None of them were ever going to get better. Ever.

 

[susiestar]

I am glad she was met with the welcoming committee. It is pretty easy to get attached to people, esp if they are Grandmas!

I hope that they can convince her to do whatever can be done to make her comfortable.

It is scary to think you are losing your mind.

Glad husband is doing his share. It will be important to him at some later point to know he did what he could for her. My dad always regretted we lived so far from Gma when she died. When she was lucid she wouldn't let him do much actual caretaking because he was a guy.

I hope she feels better soon.

 

[Hound dog]

Janet mother in law has a DNR in place as well as a living will that also states her wishes. We wanted to make sure she covered all basis. lol

She chose husband and I to have the medical power of attorney because she knew I could accurately judge medical situations and make an informed decision. husband goes along with whatever I say........she knows that too. lol

I can understand doctor Ego wanting to make sure she wasn't a danger to self and having her talk with psychiatrist. He has a responsibilty. Yet gee when your quality of life is basically zero, yeah, I think it's fairly normal to be a bit depressed. Thank goodness psychiatrist saw it that way as well. Otherwise mother in law wouldn't found herself in the psychiatric unit and we'd have had a whole other huge mess on our hands as I can imagine how she'd have reacted to that.

The poor woman can't hear the TV at all. She can't concentrate to read. (her passion) Can't use audio books due to the hearing issue. Can't do her crossword puzzles. Hands too crippled for crafts and the like, she can barely sign her name. She's a loner who refuses to socialize with the other residents.

Her life consists of never ending severe (to the extreme) hip/leg pain, sleeping, sitting in the chair, going pee, eating, going pee, sitting, going pee, sleeping going pee. And I know I repeating the bathroom part because that's her main activity. Every 15 mins or so the poor woman has to empty her bladder again, and it's no small amt either. And she doesn't even get any pleasure out of eating anymore. Hence the weight loss.

Basically quality of life is at a zero. If I were in her place I can honestly say I'd be praying to die as well.

Janet.....easy child has my medical power of attorney. lol husband was mighty POed when I told him. But she knows my wishes, and I know she would carry them out. I doubt anyone else would.

 

[DammitJanet]

Lisa...I really feel for mother in law. At this point quality of life is pretty poor. I hate pain. That is the worst part of anything. I have often told everyone who will listen that the pain is what is going to take me out. I wont live long enough to get alzheimers because my pain will get debilitating long before that and I wont live with it.

When my grandmother came to live with my mom, she ended up having dementia but also had cancer behind her eye in her brain. The doctors all wanted us to do surgery to remove this cancer but it would have meant cutting out her eye and removing part of the facial bone around her eye and forehead. Uhhh...no. She was in her late 80s, completely demented and bedridden. What on earth good would that do? Prolong her life for what? I was only in my mid 20s then but I told the docs hell no.