mother in law is visiting the Hospice Facility

[tiredmommy]

mother in law continues to go downhill, she's pretty much bedridden. She won't admit it but I believe her pain level is rising. MY sister-in-law took a trip out of town this week and arranged for mother in law to be transported. Part of me wonders if she will come back or just end up staying there.

 

[TerryJ2]

I hate it when people are in pain.
Have you spoken with her? Can you communicate?
Hugs for all of you.

 

[buddy]

poor thing....Praying for a nice place for her to receive care. No one should pass in pain. Thinking of you.

 

[tiredmommy]

I keep telling her that there are things that we can do if she's in pain and that the nurse can give her something to take pain away. But she's very stoic.

 

[Hound dog]

TM

The elderly tend to have a fear of pain medications. Keep gently talking to her and letting her know that there is relief available. If you believe her pain levels have risen, and she won't admit it, have one of her nurses sit and explain to her that medications given for pain will not make her "loopy" or whatever after a couple of doses for her body to get used to it. IF she's been on low doses, increasing them won't make her out of her head in any form. She'll still be able to visit family ect. For many they fear they'll be so loopy or sleepy that they'll miss visits and talking to family. I had to really talk to mother in law over and over and explain to her it would improve how she felt and she would get more pleasure out of those visits. Once they find some pain relief, it's pretty much downhill.......it's getting them to take that first big step.

You can also talk to the nurses about cues that signal her pain levels have increased. They can still request doctor to increase medications......and can still give her pain medications unless she flat out refuses them.

I'm so sorry hon. This is so very very hard. I hope your mother in law's pain can be managed and she passes with dignity and grace.

Keeping all of you in my prayers.

((((hugs)))))

 

[Nancy]

This is very sad for everyone. I think a lot of people are fearful of pain medications because they feel it will knock them out and they don't want that. I do hope she doesn't suffer long. I'm sorry TM.

Nancy

 

[hearts and roses]

No words of wisdom or advice. I just continue to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope for a peaceful passing, without pain, for mother in law. Follow Lisa's advice and have the nurse speak with mother in law if you're able to arrange it. Hugs, TM.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Some people will consent to taking some form of pain relief "overnight"... this at least provides better sleep, and some comfort with that. Once they see the relief it brings and whether they can handle side-effects, it is then easier to get them to take it in the day as well.

 

[Liahona]

Is it possible she is afraid of becoming addicted to them?

Hope this facility is what she needs to keep her comfortable.

 

[Lothlorien]

Nancy said just what I was thinking. I hope she really isn't in pain.

 

[tiredmommy]

Thanks, everyone. Duckie and I will be heading over to the facility after school so I'll speak to her nurse then.

 

[Marcie Mac]

So sad TM - everyone should be able to pass being pain free and comfortable. Hopefully this will be a good place for her and she will have lots of caring caregivers round her

Marcie

 

[TerryJ2]

That's a good idea, Insane, perhaps frame it as a "Just overnight" thing. I'm sure she's afraid that if she closes her eyes, she won't ever open them again.
{big sigh}

 

[KTMom91]

Hope your mother in law feels more comfortable. Hugs.

 

[DammitJanet]

One idea. If she has any sort of cough at all, they can give her cough medicine with morphine in it which would also help the pain. My father had lung cancer and his coughing was severe so he had cough medicine with hydromorphine in it plus at the end he was getting morphine by mouth every few hours. At that point it was liquid drops. That was the final day or two.

 

[Star*]

Why don't you just ASK your mother in law - what she's so afraid of?????

(I'm not meaning to be blunt here but she's a woman, in pain, that you love, she's GOT to be scared out of her mind and feeling very ALONE - like every decision she makes is being SCRUTINIZED to the nth degree as if she's not in her right mind.....and will be judged so harshly....I think THAT would scare the he;; out of me MORE than going to the facility.....)

If you maybe try to think out of the box for a moment and put yourself into her shoes for a second........
I'm in pain
I'm dying
I'm afraid
What if I ??? AND IT??
OR
What if I ask for ??? ANd they think I'm????
THEN THEY MIGHT PUT ME.......XX

I can see where someone may mistake I'd like to be comfortable for "GIVE HER A LOAD OF PAIN medications" and it be one upped to - OMG they're going to put me to sleep!!!!!!!!

I know a lot of time when DF is in so much pain - he really doesn't think clearly - so when he IS NOT in pain - and has moments of clarity? I talk to him about THE "OKay now - when XYZ happens WHAT would YOU want me to do - IF's" and I know what to do "In case."

Takes the guess work out of it all.

Again TM - I'm really sorry your family has this traumatic event to go through - Please know I'm thinking of you all a lot, and keeping you in my prayers.

 

[tiredmommy]

I have reassured her that it's okay to let us know that she's hurting. Right now, she's not on rx'd pain medications, she's been taking aspirin for the headaches. I think she does it because she doesn't want to alarm father in law and, besides, she's always been anti-medications. But she's also pretty stubborn.

 

[DammitJanet]

This is a really scary time. I am sure mother in law is thinking all the things Star is saying. Not that what I went through is anything near what mother in law is going through, I did have some of those thoughts as I was coming out of the coma. It was...wth? What happened? Did I get hit by a car? Heart attack? Am I dying? Am I dead? If Im dead, this is hell! I didnt believe anyone though I nodded my head a lot. I was so out of it. I couldnt understand anything at first. I was actually completely delusional. Your mother in law is probably much the same. I know when my uncle was dying of cancer, towards the very end he actually looked toward the end of his bed and said his mothers name like she was standing there and starting talking to her even though he hadnt been talking much at all in the last week or two. He died 30 hours later.

I will tell you one thing you know the dose I am on with morphine and it doesnt knock me out in the least. I started out low. I am sure they would give her fast acting to see how she did with it. That does have a sedation effect and I do sedate on that. I have no idea what she gets for pain medication but there is one that is a 24 hour one that they could try for her on the very lowest dose called exalgo. I had to go off it because it was metabolizing through my system too fast. For her it might work wonderfully. Talk to the doctors.

 

[tiredmommy]

I spoke with her nurse (with no other family around). They really don't re-assess while the patient is on respite but she did say she'd keep notes and let the doctor know there are some concerns so that he can address them to ensure mother in law is receiving the care she needs. She understands that the family members are suffering from headsuptheirbuttsitis so hopefully things will improve.

 

[Hound dog]

Kuddos Star, you were able to say it better than I did.

But that was mother in law's issue. She had always been anti-pain medications because they "made her feel funny". And she was terrified she'd be too drugged to visit with anyone or to enjoy anything. Her first stint in the nursing home to recover from a fall finally gave me the opportunity to really work on her about pain medications. I kept telling her there was no better place to try them and see how she did than there with nursing staff all around her. Once she tried them.......and for the first time in many years got some relief (it never took it all away until they really super increased it at the end) .......that was it, she never hesitated to ask again when she needed something for pain.

I had to really explain that with high pain levels, a person does not usually get the "drugged" effect from a pain medication......just the relief.

I'm glad you were able to talk to her nurse TM.

((hugs))