Mothers Day vents/shares/sadness...etc. How are you doing?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, May 10, 2015.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ours was really good and I got a special gift I didn't expect. You all know I've been struggling with FOO issues and sudden understanding. I saw my father and we have been actually talking about everything lately. I never thought he'd listen, but he is and I think he gets it and gets that he is a part of the scapegoating too.

    "How can you say your mother abused you? If I said one word to you to correct you, she'd jump at me."
    "Well, Dad, you were a bigger scapegoat than me back then so you were the only one she ever stopped from being mean to me."

    I enjoyed showing him Facebook, texting, and other things on my tablet. I couldn't believe nobody had ever shown him these things before. He is not a fan of them.

    At the end, he expressed his sadness that his children could not get alone. I felt so bad for him. I just told him, "Dad...I can't make people like you, me know? I can't make them talk to me, even for you. I would talk to them for your sake, but it wouldn't be deep...just stuff like the weather. But it's not ME who is insisting on 100% cut offs. I think those are usually abusive and silly."

    He shook his head. This will always bother him.

    The gift he gave me today, and since the one time I told that I was going to tell him about my life, is the gift of unconditional love from a parent. I wasn't sure I had that with anyone in my family except him. I know my sibs are on a campaign to change his feelings for me. But they also think he was the abusive one in our parent's marriage...I don't...they will never ever get him to not love me. And I'm good if he loves them too. They are all his kids. HE is the normal one in that regard. That is how parents usually feel about their adult children.

    Trust me, my day and in fact entire weekend is being awesome (not over Sonic is here with Jumper and Hubby and I'm back from Chicago after great time with Princess, Baby and Jumper)...but no gift was as great as realizing that one person in my FOO, my father, Loes me unconditionally. I made sure to get pictures of us together and we hugged tightly before he left. I told him "thank you." I don't think he k new why.
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  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Oh SWOT that is so wonderful about your dad. I know how much that means to you.

    My day was ok. I was looking at a picture of my mom and was filled with such an ache for her. It's hard to believe she has been gone almost 17 years. I don't think I will ever stop missing her.
    As I expected, I did not hear from my son. It is what it is.

    Hubby and I went to church then picked up his mom and drove into Chicago to my sis-in-laws. I've been fighting some kind of virus all week so I didn't feel all that great. I felt bad for hubby because I slept going in and coming back which left him to "chat" with his mom by himself. She can be exasperating. She can be very negative and complains and if she's not doing that then she's one upping you. If you tell her you went somewhere she will cut you off and tell you about when she went there. I do my best to tolerate her. I do love my sis-in-law and enjoyed our time there.

    Back home now, getting ready to have my evening cup of tea then off to bed early and back to work tomorrow.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. And I'm sorry about not hearing from your son, but I do think they don't even know what day it is when they are in that bad place. I'm glad you enjoyed the time with your sister-in-law.
    Tea sounds SO GOOD right now. I think I'm going to make a cup myself!
    You have a peaceful night and a good day at work tomorrow.

    My father is not always easygoing. But, frankly, both he and I were outcasts in the family. He was blamed for everything wrong in the marriage and it wasn't all his fault at all. She was horrible to him, as she is to people she doesn't like. She also kept us from seeing his family and she mocked him a lot, much like she mocked me. Unfortunately, my mother did a good job of convincing me and my siblings that my father's family was just terrible to her and bad people, and I doubt that was true. In HER mind only. I am so sorry I had no insight into my mother's divide and conquer ways back then. I was so screwed myself in those days. I look back and am shocked at how I thought and how dumbly I followed what my mother said. We didn't get along well, Mother and me, but I loved her and believed her view of things. Stupid of me.

    Yesterday I had a chance to tell my father how sorry I was for ever blaming him for the divorce. Frankly, I was just going along with my sibs and in my own world since I was already married, and my 20's were probably my most unstable years while I tried to deal with a new and critical husband plus his terrible surgery and recovery and also my own mood disorder, which was not at all under control.

    It is nice to know I am loved by somebody from my FOO. It is a peaceful, nice feeling. I so wish I had had a mother like you that you still miss. But I am so sorry that you are missing her. That must still hurt...I still miss my grandmother so much...actually, I forgot, but she also loved me lots. Just those two...

    Have a peaceful night and a great day tomorrow. So many of us here are from or were from the Chicago area!
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    Last edited: May 10, 2015
  4. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Im glad your day went well Somewhere, you deserve it.

    Tanya, Im also sorry you havent heard from your son.

    As for me, yesterday was better then today. The morning was bad trying to get things ready for possible company and the rest of the day went well with my kids. Then, I got flowers from my kids father and his wife.. and no, I wasnt happy about it. Its actually sad because why put the effort on me? The kids matter! Then add its just creepy personally! Then the kids were so sweet after that and gave me their gifts and gave me a hug! But today, today was another destructive day with son, now add son yelling mean things to vehicles passing by for various reasons. Well, school tomorrow! Have a rest of the night for some relaxing!!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Confused, I'm really happy for the good times you had with your kids but WHY do u think ur ex and wife sent u flowers??? Absolutely bizarre. Creepy too, agree.
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Huh. Different strokes. I'd think it was sweet. After all, she's the mother of his children. That will never change. I wouldn't think it was weird or creepy at all...I'd be touched.

    It's nice to see some of you all had a good day. I did too. We went to church and then picked up Difficult Child and we went to lunch. Then we came home and after a bit I make my chicken korma I've been wanting to make. Difficult Child came over and watched Game of Thrones. All in all, a nice day.
  7. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Well, the card that came with it and the message,with his name and their or her number. Also, they did this another year, and he did it another time with another chic. I mean, as I said kids not me. Its the wife's idea because he rarely did things for me when we were together or when he was single, I can count it on one hand after all these years!! I told him nicely before thank you but no thank you. Maybe Im wrong, but for me, its just weird for various reasons! He claims it was always his ideas... ya, I dont see that.

    Lil, I know I should be grateful, I told him thank you, but, if you knew our past, you would basically be weird-ed out as well. Glad your day was nice :)
  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    My Mother's Day was nice, though it feels little weird that mother in law actually didn't come up with any Mother's Day drama at all. Not even offending field plants this year! I guess it got us all little spooked and very antsy during the brunch. Well, apparently you have to surprise people at times, if you want to keep them on their toes. :rofl:

    Mother Nature was celebrating too. Do you know that day at spring, when you wake up at morning and everything has turned green? When day before grass was still brown and dead and trees leafless and then, miraculously during a night, everything has turned to most beautiful shade of light green and leaves are already size of your fingertip. Yesterday was that day. Now everything is again so shiny and new and alive. Very fitting for the day we celebrate bringing new life to this world.

    Fields are still too wet to stand heavy machinery, but everything is already fixed, oiled and lined up to be ready in few days to start spring work. I love this time of year, so alive, so vibrant, so hopeful!
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  9. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    True. I can only speak to my own experience.

    But wouldn't it be a nice world if all exes got along well enough to do nice things for each other, without it being weird? :)
  10. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    SuZir, Im glad your day was nice!!! Sounds lovely!!

    Yes, and I agree. Exs should try to get a long but again, he needs to worry about the kids period not me, if he insisted, a simple text would of been even better. But its not even from him, the idea is from his women/male friends. We do get a long better that we are not together. But, a quick break down is he played me our entire relationship , rarely said I did anything right, the way hes been with the kids and how he treated most of my friends or when I was dating a new man, how he treated my then boyfriend, and a few other things I refuse to get into. No, he never hit me, I must say that, as well as he is a very intelligent man, as well as very good looking.( see I can compliment him!!) Contradicting, yes. Not saying I was perfect, when he was cheating I did nag him and did not always feel like being lovey dovey. I have let the past behind me,moved on many years ago, forgave him... but its hard to be so" friendly "when he still is the same person. I always have said too much here now Im trying not to say too much.
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh Confused I didn't need a breakdown. Before my wonderful Jabber, I had my own own cheating, lazy, constantly out of work, left me for a woman who wouldn't make him get a job and then decided to be a thief - ex. Mine thought he was a good husband because he didn't hit me. Like that's all it takes. So I understand completely what it's like to have an ex you don't get along that well with...

    It would just make the world a better place if they were all that way.

    Of course, then I'd be unemployed. :p
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  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My Mother's Day was quiet but nice. easy child/difficult child came home from college for the summer and gave me a shirt from her college that says mom on it:) difficult child took me shopping Saturday night (not an enjoyable experience because he really wanted to shop for himself but did get me a pair of shorts). Yesterday husband took me out for a peaceful breakfast-just the two of us and I was able to actually get gluten free pancakes (not a lot of places around us have them).

    Then when difficult child came home from work, he took us all out to Red Robin for dinner!

    husband and I are going to a Broadway show this summer so that is our Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, 25th wedding anniversary, and probably Christmas as well:)
  13. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Typical Mother's Day. Didn't hear from either son but then, I really didn't expect to. Low expectations yield fewer disappointments. Did go to dinner at IHOP with a friend so we had a good time. Younger difficult child's birthday is tomorrow. Haven't decided if I am going to acknowledge it or not. I'll probably text him.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    But, Lil, he is MEAN to her and so is the wife and never sees the I call that WEIRD!
  15. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Sorry Lil!!!!! When I explain I explain lol. I have a bad habit!

    Wiped, Im glad your day went well!

    muttmeister, Im sorry you didnt hear from either son. Im glad you went out to eat with your friend :)

    Somewhere, he has gotten better towards me, but, its still rocky. More then a couple minutes around each other and we both get annoyed I guess? No it wasnt this wife who was mean, he kept her and her info private, ( I still found out about her) but it was his other women. But this one still sent it twice with him, or as he claims it was only him. ya sure. Anyways.. on the bright side, daughter and I have been having a great day, and now that son is settled he actually went ahead in his h.w.!!! So, Ill add this to my Belated Mothers Day :p .
  16. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well that case it would be weird.

    Have you ever heard the saying: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity"? I kind of live like that. It's the way my brain works. Really, I tend to never think of someones actions and immediately think of it as, "Oh, they're being mean/deceitful/cruel/sneaky."

    So, when someone that appears to be a nice gesture, I don't generally look any further than that. Naive? Maybe. But it's how I think. I think I'm a happier person for it. :)
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lil...we forgive you for being nice and thinking the best in people.

    Your kind upbringing really shows through. I never assume a nice gesture is nice until I have time to think about every angle :)