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Motivating pot addicted 18yr old son to get & hold a job + care about future
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 750524" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I had Al Anon last night because of my chronic pot smoking 33 year old who refuses to change.</p><p></p><p>I have learned in Al Anon and by enabling and trying to push her that we are powerless over anyone but ourselves.</p><p></p><p> This includes our kids. Yes, this breaks our hearts but all we can try to do .is to withdraw support and even housing if they don't follow our reasonable rules.</p><p></p><p>Lets just lump it all together and say that I and my husband did everything that doesn't work to try to motivate and change Kay.</p><p></p><p> We made sure she had nice housing, cars, our undying love/rescue and support. We begged for her to get therapy or rehab and college. We cried and begged at times. She cussed at us.</p><p></p><p>She never listened and has a useless husband who barely works and my poor grandchild. And she wont work to better their situation.</p><p></p><p>We now focus on our own lives, see our friends and relatives who are kind to us, and have given Kay over to God because the twelve steps are right. We can't control another person, not even a beloved child. All of us can only control one person in the world...ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Your son is very young. He could decide to change. You can encourage it but you can't force it. All you can do is make it a condition of living with you, driving a car, getting money from you etc. You can tell him he needs to follow your rules on necessaries in life or get out, even if he has nowhere to go.</p><p></p><p>Shock you? It shocked us too at first. We bought her a house, a mobile home, helped pay, rent and bought cars. They lost ALL of these things!</p><p></p><p>Even those tough measures don't always work, they are better than allowing our kids to disobey society rules in our homes and on our dime. It is something I wish we had started at 18. We did the opposite.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is mow a helpless and belligerent 33 year old on the verge of homelessness. Many relatives will hoise the baby. Nobody will house her and Lee. They burned all their family/friend bridges. We thought that Lee's parents may take them in but they told us only the grandchild. Period. I don't blame them.</p><p></p><p>My daughter being homeless was once our biggest fear. But we are in our 60s now and plan a good retirement. What they do, they do. We are done. We learned. At least Kay is not interested in changing at all nor is Lee. This girl had it all. She didn't want to give up pot and would not work. Plus she is great at cussing out and leaving those who tried to help her. it is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I recommend Al Anon and therapy for yourself.</p><p></p><p>I recommend reading up both on Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance. They changed our lives for tje better. Read ALL you can on radical acceptance. Tara Brach is just one person with a book about it. Watch YouTube videos on Radical Acceptance. This changed our thinking about Kay. And life.</p><p></p><p>God bless and be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 750524, member: 23706"] I had Al Anon last night because of my chronic pot smoking 33 year old who refuses to change. I have learned in Al Anon and by enabling and trying to push her that we are powerless over anyone but ourselves. This includes our kids. Yes, this breaks our hearts but all we can try to do .is to withdraw support and even housing if they don't follow our reasonable rules. Lets just lump it all together and say that I and my husband did everything that doesn't work to try to motivate and change Kay. We made sure she had nice housing, cars, our undying love/rescue and support. We begged for her to get therapy or rehab and college. We cried and begged at times. She cussed at us. She never listened and has a useless husband who barely works and my poor grandchild. And she wont work to better their situation. We now focus on our own lives, see our friends and relatives who are kind to us, and have given Kay over to God because the twelve steps are right. We can't control another person, not even a beloved child. All of us can only control one person in the world...ourselves. Your son is very young. He could decide to change. You can encourage it but you can't force it. All you can do is make it a condition of living with you, driving a car, getting money from you etc. You can tell him he needs to follow your rules on necessaries in life or get out, even if he has nowhere to go. Shock you? It shocked us too at first. We bought her a house, a mobile home, helped pay, rent and bought cars. They lost ALL of these things! Even those tough measures don't always work, they are better than allowing our kids to disobey society rules in our homes and on our dime. It is something I wish we had started at 18. We did the opposite. My daughter is mow a helpless and belligerent 33 year old on the verge of homelessness. Many relatives will hoise the baby. Nobody will house her and Lee. They burned all their family/friend bridges. We thought that Lee's parents may take them in but they told us only the grandchild. Period. I don't blame them. My daughter being homeless was once our biggest fear. But we are in our 60s now and plan a good retirement. What they do, they do. We are done. We learned. At least Kay is not interested in changing at all nor is Lee. This girl had it all. She didn't want to give up pot and would not work. Plus she is great at cussing out and leaving those who tried to help her. it is what it is. I recommend Al Anon and therapy for yourself. I recommend reading up both on Mindfulness and Radical Acceptance. They changed our lives for tje better. Read ALL you can on radical acceptance. Tara Brach is just one person with a book about it. Watch YouTube videos on Radical Acceptance. This changed our thinking about Kay. And life. God bless and be well. [/QUOTE]
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Motivating pot addicted 18yr old son to get & hold a job + care about future
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