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General Parenting
Motivation - how do they get it if they don't already have it?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 418716" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi, </p><p> </p><p>First of all, I agree with MWM and others and think you should ask for testing eventually. Also I completely agree with Steps assessment that your son is bored. However the problem there is if it's required reading? How do you say everyone must read this, and you can read something you like? You can't really unless he's in self-containted class. Whole other ballgame. </p><p> </p><p>My second idea would be that YOU and the school both get people to observe him in class and turn in SCORE cards on what each thinks is the problems. When we had observations and tests done? I just went on advice of the school and they (sadly) had no clue but pretended to. Later I would find they had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE and admitted such. My thought later in life would be - BUT YOU TESTED HIM? WTH? So yeah - seek your own professional to sit with theirs and see how worlds apart the scores are. Just a tip - two people seeing the same child may come up with totally different assessments. If I had THAT to do over again? I would have bet the farm literally on my person coming up with better ideas and solutions. Theirs was - He's hyper. Get ritalin or he goes home - expelled next incident. Nice. He had loads more problems they could scarcely understand and actually I was just able a month ago to finally let one of his teachers know what kind of hell he had lived through - THAT was an eye opener for her. I hope it helped someone elses kid, and honestly? Not to be mean but for how she treated him in gradeschool? I hope she felt something on her drive home, because I didn't hold back on descriptions. </p><p> </p><p>Motivators only work if you know WHAT the problem is. Can he see? Can he hear? When was the last time he had an eye test? When was the last time he had a hearing test? I think as far as tests go? I'd start simple. Once I know for sure he can see and hear? I'd work my way up to is it something where he is just doesn't want to do the work and is bored, or isn't comfortable in the class or has problems with the distractions in the classroom and struggles with external sounds like ADHD kids - for instance - my son is a fantastic creator - but can't sit and read in a quiet classroom because he literally can hear 100 sounds you can't. We've proven it to the school. The things he could hear sitting in a classroom while everyone was reading blew.their.minds. ie: water dripping in the sink, kid kicking a desk, someones stomach growling, flourescent light buzzing, kid playing with zipper on jacket, fan squeaking, tapping in pipes, kid in classroom across hall coughing, lawn mower outside, weed eater outside, trucks and cars hitting pothole outside, flag banging against flagpole, bird singing, chair scooching across floor in classroom 2 doors down, janitor pushing cart down hall, and the list went on and on - and stuff was so far removed it would have blown your mind - how to concentrate when you hear things like that? I'll never know. And he said he hears it all at once, not like he was sitting there listening for it. </p><p> </p><p>It could be that he fades in and out of dyslexia? I rather doubt it, but it's possible. And then there is just the good old Conduct Disorder itself that works against itself and has no clue why. That voice in his head he can't hear that says "Don't succeed, just shut down, don't listen to your teacher, you don't have to do this, this is dumb." Finding a way to motivate that isn't easy because it is different for every one of our kids. It's like finding the Holy Grail honestly. </p><p> </p><p>We did find that a Mentor in the classroom was very helpful and teachers RARELY object to an extra aid being there. It can be written into an IEP and paid for by the School District. This may be some of the reason why your teacher is resistant to "oh we don't need to train." because once a kid gets an IEP - they have slightly less control over behavioral issues, and a little more work for her. (guessing) </p><p> </p><p>In an IEP - you can ask for things like - different books to motivate him. If a certain book isn't motivating him to really read and he's totally into Pirates, and you and the teacher discuss it? You can agree that a book on Pirates could be read instead. Not ideal for conforming and it kinda opens a door to allowing special privleges - so be careful. </p><p> </p><p>The best thing you can do for your son at this point? Educate yourself to the teeth - and know what you are talking about, and asking for. Don't let them bully you. Don't let them BS you either. If you have any questions? WRITE THEM DOWN. Bring them here - take them to the Education forum and ask - Then go back armed to the 9's. </p><p> </p><p>Best of luck - You are now in the ring of Warrior Moms. </p><p>Oh.......and -----you don't have to just get him interested in school about reading you know - </p><p> </p><p>I used to take Dude to BAM, and get him a hot chocolate, the local library and just let him wander and see just what kind of books interested him while I wandered myself through the KIDS section......I'd sit and read a kids book in the corner so I could keep and eye on him and just wait to see what your son picks out. It may be........It MAY be that his LEARNING type is different than the kids in the room he's in. </p><p> </p><p>Look up TYPES of learning. It may be that he likes to be READ TO - Or that he learns better by hEARING - </p><p> </p><p>There is an entirely new science on WAYS OF LEARNING - Hands on, visual, sight, - kinestetic (I think it's called) - so maybe when it comes to reading? - It may be that he LOVES the stories but LEARNS them BETTER when they are read out loud. I'd try a weekend library read-aloud story time or maybe there is one at the museum, work with the teacher and see if THAT helps him. It could be that he's just not a good VISUAL learner - but an AUDITORY learner.....and if his hearing is having problems due to allergies or hard of hearing? That could be the problem. Maybe it's just something simple like that. </p><p> </p><p>See if having a story READ to him keeps his interest longer than him reading it. If it does you may be onto something. - Ways of learning. </p><p> </p><p>My girlfriend is getting a masters in Diverse Education - (I think that's what it's called) and is going to go back to Grade school to start sorting kids that have problems - just for that reason. (slaps head) - maybe.....this is it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 418716, member: 4964"] Hi, First of all, I agree with MWM and others and think you should ask for testing eventually. Also I completely agree with Steps assessment that your son is bored. However the problem there is if it's required reading? How do you say everyone must read this, and you can read something you like? You can't really unless he's in self-containted class. Whole other ballgame. My second idea would be that YOU and the school both get people to observe him in class and turn in SCORE cards on what each thinks is the problems. When we had observations and tests done? I just went on advice of the school and they (sadly) had no clue but pretended to. Later I would find they had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE and admitted such. My thought later in life would be - BUT YOU TESTED HIM? WTH? So yeah - seek your own professional to sit with theirs and see how worlds apart the scores are. Just a tip - two people seeing the same child may come up with totally different assessments. If I had THAT to do over again? I would have bet the farm literally on my person coming up with better ideas and solutions. Theirs was - He's hyper. Get ritalin or he goes home - expelled next incident. Nice. He had loads more problems they could scarcely understand and actually I was just able a month ago to finally let one of his teachers know what kind of hell he had lived through - THAT was an eye opener for her. I hope it helped someone elses kid, and honestly? Not to be mean but for how she treated him in gradeschool? I hope she felt something on her drive home, because I didn't hold back on descriptions. Motivators only work if you know WHAT the problem is. Can he see? Can he hear? When was the last time he had an eye test? When was the last time he had a hearing test? I think as far as tests go? I'd start simple. Once I know for sure he can see and hear? I'd work my way up to is it something where he is just doesn't want to do the work and is bored, or isn't comfortable in the class or has problems with the distractions in the classroom and struggles with external sounds like ADHD kids - for instance - my son is a fantastic creator - but can't sit and read in a quiet classroom because he literally can hear 100 sounds you can't. We've proven it to the school. The things he could hear sitting in a classroom while everyone was reading blew.their.minds. ie: water dripping in the sink, kid kicking a desk, someones stomach growling, flourescent light buzzing, kid playing with zipper on jacket, fan squeaking, tapping in pipes, kid in classroom across hall coughing, lawn mower outside, weed eater outside, trucks and cars hitting pothole outside, flag banging against flagpole, bird singing, chair scooching across floor in classroom 2 doors down, janitor pushing cart down hall, and the list went on and on - and stuff was so far removed it would have blown your mind - how to concentrate when you hear things like that? I'll never know. And he said he hears it all at once, not like he was sitting there listening for it. It could be that he fades in and out of dyslexia? I rather doubt it, but it's possible. And then there is just the good old Conduct Disorder itself that works against itself and has no clue why. That voice in his head he can't hear that says "Don't succeed, just shut down, don't listen to your teacher, you don't have to do this, this is dumb." Finding a way to motivate that isn't easy because it is different for every one of our kids. It's like finding the Holy Grail honestly. We did find that a Mentor in the classroom was very helpful and teachers RARELY object to an extra aid being there. It can be written into an IEP and paid for by the School District. This may be some of the reason why your teacher is resistant to "oh we don't need to train." because once a kid gets an IEP - they have slightly less control over behavioral issues, and a little more work for her. (guessing) In an IEP - you can ask for things like - different books to motivate him. If a certain book isn't motivating him to really read and he's totally into Pirates, and you and the teacher discuss it? You can agree that a book on Pirates could be read instead. Not ideal for conforming and it kinda opens a door to allowing special privleges - so be careful. The best thing you can do for your son at this point? Educate yourself to the teeth - and know what you are talking about, and asking for. Don't let them bully you. Don't let them BS you either. If you have any questions? WRITE THEM DOWN. Bring them here - take them to the Education forum and ask - Then go back armed to the 9's. Best of luck - You are now in the ring of Warrior Moms. Oh.......and -----you don't have to just get him interested in school about reading you know - I used to take Dude to BAM, and get him a hot chocolate, the local library and just let him wander and see just what kind of books interested him while I wandered myself through the KIDS section......I'd sit and read a kids book in the corner so I could keep and eye on him and just wait to see what your son picks out. It may be........It MAY be that his LEARNING type is different than the kids in the room he's in. Look up TYPES of learning. It may be that he likes to be READ TO - Or that he learns better by hEARING - There is an entirely new science on WAYS OF LEARNING - Hands on, visual, sight, - kinestetic (I think it's called) - so maybe when it comes to reading? - It may be that he LOVES the stories but LEARNS them BETTER when they are read out loud. I'd try a weekend library read-aloud story time or maybe there is one at the museum, work with the teacher and see if THAT helps him. It could be that he's just not a good VISUAL learner - but an AUDITORY learner.....and if his hearing is having problems due to allergies or hard of hearing? That could be the problem. Maybe it's just something simple like that. See if having a story READ to him keeps his interest longer than him reading it. If it does you may be onto something. - Ways of learning. My girlfriend is getting a masters in Diverse Education - (I think that's what it's called) and is going to go back to Grade school to start sorting kids that have problems - just for that reason. (slaps head) - maybe.....this is it? [/QUOTE]
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