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Moving Beyond The Explosive Child
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 162824" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Hey, SRL!! If you've read any of my posts you'll already know that I am no expert at this. But my 2 cents on this is that your difficult child is hitting the teen attitude and what I have found with mine is that some of this is best learned through natural consequences. </p><p></p><p>There are times my punishments are minimal for things because I know the reaction from peers or other people outside of home or "the bike being torn up and unusable" will have more effect on him and is more apt to teach him a lesson than me being the "bad guy" which only leads him to concentrate on blaming me and being angry at me instead of realizing that his choice didn't get him the result that he wanted. This doesn't work for true difficult child behavior, but works well when it is typical "too big for my britches- I already know everything" behavior. If the behavior is directed at me- like being sassy for instance, then I'm not going to take him someplace or help him with something he wants.</p><p></p><p>Somtimes though, even though it seems like the behavior is stemming from a bad attitude or just being obnoxious, it really is coming from not knowing a better way to deal with things. I only came to the board last year so I never knew of The Explosive Child when difficult child was younger. I still use the concepts and they have been ghelpful- of course the application is tweaked. But, once when difficult child was refusing to get out of bed and go to school, I thought it was typical teen behavior. But after calming myself down and going back and getting difficult child to open up, it turnss out that middle school peer stuff was really bothering him and our difficult child's want to fit in so badly and sometimes they think bad behavior is the way to "be cooll". We talked about choices and that there are more choices than being a geek or being " a bad kid" at school. So, it is hard to gage sometimes what is going on with difficult child and I keep making efforts to keep him opening up.</p><p></p><p>Hope this helps a little....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 162824, member: 3699"] Hey, SRL!! If you've read any of my posts you'll already know that I am no expert at this. But my 2 cents on this is that your difficult child is hitting the teen attitude and what I have found with mine is that some of this is best learned through natural consequences. There are times my punishments are minimal for things because I know the reaction from peers or other people outside of home or "the bike being torn up and unusable" will have more effect on him and is more apt to teach him a lesson than me being the "bad guy" which only leads him to concentrate on blaming me and being angry at me instead of realizing that his choice didn't get him the result that he wanted. This doesn't work for true difficult child behavior, but works well when it is typical "too big for my britches- I already know everything" behavior. If the behavior is directed at me- like being sassy for instance, then I'm not going to take him someplace or help him with something he wants. Somtimes though, even though it seems like the behavior is stemming from a bad attitude or just being obnoxious, it really is coming from not knowing a better way to deal with things. I only came to the board last year so I never knew of The Explosive Child when difficult child was younger. I still use the concepts and they have been ghelpful- of course the application is tweaked. But, once when difficult child was refusing to get out of bed and go to school, I thought it was typical teen behavior. But after calming myself down and going back and getting difficult child to open up, it turnss out that middle school peer stuff was really bothering him and our difficult child's want to fit in so badly and sometimes they think bad behavior is the way to "be cooll". We talked about choices and that there are more choices than being a geek or being " a bad kid" at school. So, it is hard to gage sometimes what is going on with difficult child and I keep making efforts to keep him opening up. Hope this helps a little.... [/QUOTE]
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