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Moving toward grief and depression
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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 757499" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>As I read your posts, my heart just bled for you, for the hurt and disappointment and anxiety that you live with and are trying to move away from. Our circumstances are similar enough that as you wrote about your feelings, it's like looking at myself from the outside; which is a good thing because it helps me see things in a different way. I agree, we ALL have suffered enough. I think there must be something about our generation that allows this much suffering. What I mean is, I don't think our parents and grandparents would have put up with half of what most of us have taken from our kids, and maybe there's something about that that we can take away for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for your son not acknowledging Mother's Day, and for all of the moms here who have children who didn't acknowledge it either. Josh made only one off-hand comment as I was taking him to the store. It was so clearly an afterthought on his part that it was meaningless to me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the hard truth. But it is also what makes it possible to be free from the suffering they bring to our lives. Separating out what are OUR issues and what are THEIRS. I need to get this through my head---Josh is not responsible for how I feel or responsible to make me happy. The only thing I think kids are responsible for is to treat their parents with respect and honor; and I say this because the Bible says this ("Honor your father and your mother."). To treat parents with disrespect and dishonor is a very serious thing in the eyes of God. </p><p></p><p></p><p>This is true. But it perplexes me that there are human beings who can be the recipients of great love and kindness and yet who feel no need to return that love and kindness. But there it is. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. I need to take responsibility for myself--my feelings and my life--and not put those on him. I need to stop looking at my son as someone who MAKES me feel a certain way or fails to meet my dreams and expectations. I'm the one who has to deal with those. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Josh hasn't said anything the last few days about his move, and we're not asking, but we're assuming the plan to fly to Phoenix is still on. I have decided that if he goes, I will take the suggestion of SeekingStrength and give him a little card that wishes him well, with a small gift of money for eating while traveling, and send him on his way. I will not be initiating contact with him. I told my husband that if he wants to stay in contact (and I hope that he does), that I'm going to allow him to take the lead on that. As has been said, he has shown us "who he is" and we need to "believe" him by allowing him to have whatever he wants--contact or no contact, but it is of his choosing. I don't want to intrude anymore in his life. That's pretty much the way he views me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 757499, member: 22597"] As I read your posts, my heart just bled for you, for the hurt and disappointment and anxiety that you live with and are trying to move away from. Our circumstances are similar enough that as you wrote about your feelings, it's like looking at myself from the outside; which is a good thing because it helps me see things in a different way. I agree, we ALL have suffered enough. I think there must be something about our generation that allows this much suffering. What I mean is, I don't think our parents and grandparents would have put up with half of what most of us have taken from our kids, and maybe there's something about that that we can take away for ourselves. I'm so sorry for your son not acknowledging Mother's Day, and for all of the moms here who have children who didn't acknowledge it either. Josh made only one off-hand comment as I was taking him to the store. It was so clearly an afterthought on his part that it was meaningless to me. This is the hard truth. But it is also what makes it possible to be free from the suffering they bring to our lives. Separating out what are OUR issues and what are THEIRS. I need to get this through my head---Josh is not responsible for how I feel or responsible to make me happy. The only thing I think kids are responsible for is to treat their parents with respect and honor; and I say this because the Bible says this ("Honor your father and your mother."). To treat parents with disrespect and dishonor is a very serious thing in the eyes of God. This is true. But it perplexes me that there are human beings who can be the recipients of great love and kindness and yet who feel no need to return that love and kindness. But there it is. I agree. I need to take responsibility for myself--my feelings and my life--and not put those on him. I need to stop looking at my son as someone who MAKES me feel a certain way or fails to meet my dreams and expectations. I'm the one who has to deal with those. Josh hasn't said anything the last few days about his move, and we're not asking, but we're assuming the plan to fly to Phoenix is still on. I have decided that if he goes, I will take the suggestion of SeekingStrength and give him a little card that wishes him well, with a small gift of money for eating while traveling, and send him on his way. I will not be initiating contact with him. I told my husband that if he wants to stay in contact (and I hope that he does), that I'm going to allow him to take the lead on that. As has been said, he has shown us "who he is" and we need to "believe" him by allowing him to have whatever he wants--contact or no contact, but it is of his choosing. I don't want to intrude anymore in his life. That's pretty much the way he views me. [/QUOTE]
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