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Musing Aloud: Can a truce be called? Can you reach out to your child with-in your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 473617" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My experiences with trying to trust my daughter in our house was not good. Chances are he WILL be high in your house and use drugs. As long as he is using drugs, chances are his grades will be rotten. You aren't rejecting him if you don't let him live at home and don't pay his college tuition without him also working part-time and keeping up at least a C* avearage (D's unacceptable...college is expensive). </p><p>I think I'd be able to have a relationship with my child, but doubt the child could live at home while living a dangerous lifestyle. My own daughter told me that keeping her at home and making it warm and cushy for her would have not encouraged her to quit (which she did!). My daughter was not particulary disrespectful toward us either unless she was really high and we did not know she had stolen small amounts of money from us until after she quit drugs and told us the entire story. Trust me, she told me more than I ever wanted to know, but we are honest with one another now and she felt a need to purge herself. It turned out much more had been going on then I ever dreamed of. Could be the same with your son. Pot probably is not all that is going on. If the cops come to your house and you have drugs in your house, you can be busted...that is one big reason we finally made her leave the house. She would hide the drugs in really good places. </p><p>This is a hard call for me since my daughter, who is a success story, thinks parents should not be easy on their kids who use drugs. But, ultimately, the decision is up to you. in my opinion you have not seen the last of his eruptions nor do you know the extent of his drug use...and college may be better put off until he is clean. My daughter went back to school and has a great job now plus her own house. I am NOT bragging. I am just saying...college doesn't end at eighteen...you can always go. And I do think k ids are far more motivated to quit bad habits if they don't have a warm and cozy place to go home to. I could be all wet, but this is JMO <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> and that of my daughter's. </p><p>If you do let him come home, be careful about letting him drive. I'd make him pay in full for his part of the insurance and expect that he may get into a car accident. Daughter totaled cars three times while she used drugs. She is very lucky she wasn't killed or did not kill somebody else. The first time she had an accident, it was our car. After that, it was not.</p><p>I guess I'm saying...do what is in your gut, but be on guard. I don't think you can have a true relationship with your kid while your k id is doing illegal stuff because that alone means the person is living a double life. But again JMO. Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 473617, member: 1550"] My experiences with trying to trust my daughter in our house was not good. Chances are he WILL be high in your house and use drugs. As long as he is using drugs, chances are his grades will be rotten. You aren't rejecting him if you don't let him live at home and don't pay his college tuition without him also working part-time and keeping up at least a C* avearage (D's unacceptable...college is expensive). I think I'd be able to have a relationship with my child, but doubt the child could live at home while living a dangerous lifestyle. My own daughter told me that keeping her at home and making it warm and cushy for her would have not encouraged her to quit (which she did!). My daughter was not particulary disrespectful toward us either unless she was really high and we did not know she had stolen small amounts of money from us until after she quit drugs and told us the entire story. Trust me, she told me more than I ever wanted to know, but we are honest with one another now and she felt a need to purge herself. It turned out much more had been going on then I ever dreamed of. Could be the same with your son. Pot probably is not all that is going on. If the cops come to your house and you have drugs in your house, you can be busted...that is one big reason we finally made her leave the house. She would hide the drugs in really good places. This is a hard call for me since my daughter, who is a success story, thinks parents should not be easy on their kids who use drugs. But, ultimately, the decision is up to you. in my opinion you have not seen the last of his eruptions nor do you know the extent of his drug use...and college may be better put off until he is clean. My daughter went back to school and has a great job now plus her own house. I am NOT bragging. I am just saying...college doesn't end at eighteen...you can always go. And I do think k ids are far more motivated to quit bad habits if they don't have a warm and cozy place to go home to. I could be all wet, but this is JMO :) and that of my daughter's. If you do let him come home, be careful about letting him drive. I'd make him pay in full for his part of the insurance and expect that he may get into a car accident. Daughter totaled cars three times while she used drugs. She is very lucky she wasn't killed or did not kill somebody else. The first time she had an accident, it was our car. After that, it was not. I guess I'm saying...do what is in your gut, but be on guard. I don't think you can have a true relationship with your kid while your k id is doing illegal stuff because that alone means the person is living a double life. But again JMO. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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