I feel like a mouse that has been trapped on one of those traps with glue. You know, the ones, where the mice dies trying to un-stick his feet, but only days later does he come to his full demise? I am sure the mouse sits there the whole time he is trapped going, OK, I am gonna do X to get my 2 front feet unstuck, and then I am gonna do Y to get my other 2 unstuck, and then I am gonna run to Z to find a new hiding spot and my life will be happy again. Just over and over again in his little rat wheel of a brain he plays that out - until he dies. Every day I wake up and try to do normal. I have lists of things that need to be done. I have a life to lead and live - but I have absolutely no spark that breaks me free from feeling stuck. I just muse about it over and over in my head - and promise myself things will change - and nothing does. What thoughts do you have as to why one does this? It could be sheer laziness. It could be profound depression, deeper than I realize. It could be physical, like some sort of chemical imbalance. It could be some huge psychological block I have in re-creating my life in this rainy, yucky, environment. it could be that I am paralyzed by a fear of going forward after losing my job and home and dad last year. Or again, it could just be laziness. So lazy I can't even search for the match to ignite the flame under my rear. Have any of you been like this? What has helped? You all know I struggle with depression, so this is a part of it I am sure, but I just don't think it is the whole ball of wax. I do see a counselor and take medications - what else can you do? I was working out, and that is one of the areas where I feel like my feet got stuck. Suddenly I just don't want to go at ALL. Sure, I should just make myself do these things - but it seems as if I am fearful that I will fail or something. Like I don't really want to go back to working out unless I can really stick to it this time. Same with writing. Every day I want to write, but I don't do it because I can't seem to stick to it. It is like I am lacking a spine. Which only leads me to further self hatred. Anyway - I would love ideas. I feel like I am trying to crack a case here or something. It shouldn't be this hard - but I am missing something. Some knowledge that would make me free. Some self realization that would cause me to break through to the other side of this.