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Musings on my mother living with me..Input needed
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 175787" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Marcie, I'm going to answer this from the position of remembering how vehemently you felt about keeping your distance from your mother the last time she visited your house (was it for a week or a weekend) and you kicked her out mid-visit because she was awful and undermining you as a person and a mother.</p><p></p><p>I think that before you decide anything, you should thorough investigate all of your options, and all of hers as well. A couple of things come to mind when I'm reading your post.</p><p></p><p>1) Your mother is unhappy where she's at, but your aunt and cousin go to see her a couple of times a week. Isn't it in your mother's general nature to be unhappy? If you move her to California, where she's never lived, and put her in assisted living there, will she be able to afford it, and will anyone go visit her a couple of times a week? I think she will be more unhappy with you, because she'll realize that changing places didn't change her life for the better. It only made it unfamiliar. </p><p></p><p>2) You two have been talking about Arizona for as long as I have known you. The real estate market is tanking there, too. So it may be t-i-t for tat to sell in CA and buy in AZ. You <em>must</em> know someone in real estate who can thoroughly research your comps in your area, and find some houses in AZ that you would like that would help you decide what's right for your long term.</p><p></p><p>If you really think this is something you might want to do - not out of guilt but out of love - have your mother come visit for a week after you have researched living centers in your area and see what you think. Don't tell <em>anyone</em> that she might be coming to live, or they'll pack her apartment and send it on an express truck to you and you'll be stuck. </p><p></p><p>I really get the part about feeling guilty, but it's a horrible thing to get tripped up on. If you think you want to have her in CA because you love her and want to spend time with her even when she tells your kids and grandkids what a piece of c#@p you are, then you should do it. If you feel guilty and don't love her enough to keep her in your home (or go visit her in the living center) when she acts out, you aren't doing either of you any favors. See if you can find her help where she already is at.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 175787, member: 99"] Marcie, I'm going to answer this from the position of remembering how vehemently you felt about keeping your distance from your mother the last time she visited your house (was it for a week or a weekend) and you kicked her out mid-visit because she was awful and undermining you as a person and a mother. I think that before you decide anything, you should thorough investigate all of your options, and all of hers as well. A couple of things come to mind when I'm reading your post. 1) Your mother is unhappy where she's at, but your aunt and cousin go to see her a couple of times a week. Isn't it in your mother's general nature to be unhappy? If you move her to California, where she's never lived, and put her in assisted living there, will she be able to afford it, and will anyone go visit her a couple of times a week? I think she will be more unhappy with you, because she'll realize that changing places didn't change her life for the better. It only made it unfamiliar. 2) You two have been talking about Arizona for as long as I have known you. The real estate market is tanking there, too. So it may be t-i-t for tat to sell in CA and buy in AZ. You [I]must[/I] know someone in real estate who can thoroughly research your comps in your area, and find some houses in AZ that you would like that would help you decide what's right for your long term. If you really think this is something you might want to do - not out of guilt but out of love - have your mother come visit for a week after you have researched living centers in your area and see what you think. Don't tell [I]anyone[/I] that she might be coming to live, or they'll pack her apartment and send it on an express truck to you and you'll be stuck. I really get the part about feeling guilty, but it's a horrible thing to get tripped up on. If you think you want to have her in CA because you love her and want to spend time with her even when she tells your kids and grandkids what a piece of c#@p you are, then you should do it. If you feel guilty and don't love her enough to keep her in your home (or go visit her in the living center) when she acts out, you aren't doing either of you any favors. See if you can find her help where she already is at. [/QUOTE]
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