My 11 yr old son going to residential care this month

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mazdamama, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Okay.....have not been here for awhile....Aug at least, and ALOT has gone on since then. His psychiatrist had put him on Haldol as one of his medications and bascially he went psychotic on that anti-psychotic. He was hearing voices, threatening not only students at school but also teachers with threats he knew he oculd not follow through with. We have been back and forth to the doctors. Had a horrid therapist where he was going and had started the process of getting him out of that program and getting him back with his psychologist that he had seen since he was 6 but everything blew up.

    Neighbor had to move and couild not take her small chihuaua (sp) and gave it to him since he wanted an inside dog. A few weeks later he "rolled over on it in his bed" and the dog died. Since he is a hefty weight and sleeps hard I gave him the benefit of the doubt on it, We have two older dogs outside, 8 birds, 2 hamsters and 4 pet mice that he has never hurt. Well then he bought a puppy at the flea market and even though I was concerned I fell in love with her. I left the two boys for 15 minutes watching CARS 2 on tv to run up to the store. While I was gone he hung her from the doorknob by her collar:sigh:. She was not dead when I got home but died a few hours later. I called crisis counselor and we both spoke to her. He told her voices were scaring him and he feared doing something to me or his brother so I called the police and had him baker acted (marchment). They immediately took him off the Haldol but we had already discussed residential care. He was turnd down at the three closest places but finally was accepted at one in Jacksonville FL.......4-5 hrs from me. This place is called Daniel Memorial. He will go there on Dec 29th.....I was very worried that he would be placed before Christmas.

    So things have been hectic here....his autistic brother is acting out and I will be getting extra help with him while Daniel is gone. Daniel is willing to go but does not realize that this may be months....not days like the baker acts have been. He says he needs some help...God bless him.

    If anyone out there knows anything about this Daniel Memorial I would love your input.

    Diane...whose heart is breaking but knows she is doing the best for her child and for his brother.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member


    Killing animals is serious. Like SERIOUS serious. Those poor dogs. Please, please don't keep any animals in your house.

    That aside, hopefully the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can help your child. Sounds like he is hallucinating. I wonder why they didn't put him on the newer antipsychotics, such as Risperdal, Zyprexa or Seroquel. Still, sounds like the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is the best option for him right now, but I know it is breaking your mommy heart.

    Hugs, and please keep us posted. I'm sorry that I don't know about the facility.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh how heart breaking. I am sure he feels awful to be the one who did that. Are you are planning to rehome the other animals? I hope you can find good homes for them. Not only for the animals, but every time he does something to hurt an animal it could reinforce bad things about himself....and he has enough to worry about. Just because he hasn't done it so far to the others, I imagine it does not mean that now that he knows how, it wont happen. Did your other son see that? How do you help him process it if he did?

    So sorry the residence is so far away but what a blessing you found a place with an opening. Is this medication reaction really different from how he was? I pray he will recover and that the medications were the cause of this break. No child should have to feel that. I hope they can help him understand he was ill and is not a bad person. Children always blame themselves for things.... I am sending you all the postive love and energy I can to go thru the holidays in a peaceful way. I hope that medication gets out of him quickly. How long has it been now? is he doing better off of it?

    so, just wondering, if he feels violent and like he wants to kill again, how do you monitor that? Does he have a check-in or how does that work? I am just wondering how kids learn to manage those feelings and when they hear the voices. My son had visual disturbances from seizures and it really bothered him, he said he wanted to die to make it stop so I have a little tiny bit of understanding how scary that can be for a child. This must be hundreds of times worse, my son always said he know everything was real, just that things looked fake. Kids just should not have to have such big, REAL life problems. Most adults never even come close to these kinds of big life issues.

    Prayers and hugs to you and your family, Buddy
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Diane.
  5. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Thank you for the replies. These incidents happened while he was on the Haldol. No threats to people to harm or kill them have happened since he was taken off that medication. DCF had gotten involved only because it happened while I had left the boys (10 & 11) home alone. At a staffing at the Children's Advocacy Center the school mental health counselor asked why I still had the other pets...did the police not order me to get rid of them. Before I could say a word the DCF worker spoke up and said "NO..this is not a criminal case pf animal abuse". Daniel did not mean to hurt either of these dogs and with Snowball, the puppy, all you have to do is mention her name and he breaks down crying. He has not heard voices since he was taken off that Haldol. And luckily in the interim he has been able to see his old psychologist and is pouring out his heart to her.
    I did blast the school's mental health counselor at the staffing because as I said...I had given Daniel the benefit of the doubt when he said he rolled over on the first one dog in his sleep, At the meeting she said that Daniel told her he was aware the dog was under him and tried to do cpr on the dog when he stopped moving, She had never told me this and man did I blast her about that.
    Daniel has never tried to hurt the other pets we have,,,,,,birds, well he knows if he opens the cages they will fly, mice and hamsters will bite...they are used to me and the older dogs would bite him if he tried to hurt them. IF I had been recomended to get rid of the other pets by DCF, his current psycholgist or the police I would have but they all feel his actions were due to the Haldol.
    Quite frankly...if you saw me out with the two of them you would think it was David that would be going to residential. Daniel's overall behavior at school has improved 100%. No problems at church or when we are is David that is acting out. What I have now is a depressed young guy going through puberty, crying over a puppy that he loved and crying over never being able to see his bio mom on earth again. He remembers her where David does not. I worry more about him hurting himself then anyone or anything else and he is under constant supervision with me or those at school until he goes to the residential center. What really aggravated me is that when this all happened I went to my pharmacist and asked him to print up everything he had on Haldol. On the first of 18 pages it says not to be used with bipolar children unless all other options have been tried. The only other medication they wanted to try was Risperadol which he cannot take because it raises cholestrol and he has inherited high cholestrol. Right now they have him on Welbutrin, Abilify and Clonidine. He does get moody and irritable at times and as I said he cries alot. Because Snowball lived for about 5 hrs after he hung her like a stocking he did not think he had hurt her. Apparently an artery or major vessel broke in her neck and she slowly bled to death while I was hunting for an emergency vet on a Sunday aft, Closest one was 2 hrs from us. She was walking around the house and even wagging her tail at us before she laid down and stopped breathing. Sadly he will live with this all his life and he is an animal lover.
    I just pray that all the hurt and anguish he has inside will be talked about with this residential treatment and make him a stronger person mentally. He will always have issues but being able to learn control over them will be a major plus. The LMSC he was seeing while on the Haldol never let him talk, just talked to me and said you have a criminal on your hands here...Daniel hated the guy. What good is a therapist or psychologist if you cannot talk to them?
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    It really does sound like the Haldol.
    You know, I really do think a lot about the things our kids do, or that they can potentially do, which will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Most of them are not on Haldol; just highly impulsive. What a tragedy.
    I hope your son realizes that the drug pushed him over the edge. Who knows, maybe he will be some kind of advocate when he grows up?
    Good for you for standing up for yourself and good for the DCF worker!
  7. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Thanks Terry...he has calmed down so much since being taken off that Haldol. I think if anyone here has a child being put on it they need to ask the Dr why and if there is not something else they can use. Daniel did not understand when the psychiatrist that put him on the Haldol asked him questions that would have put up red flags. One was "do you ever hear voices of people not here?" Daniel thought he meant the actual audible voice....not the quiet ones he was hearing in his mind.
    One thing we have here is an awesome Children's Advocacy Center. Not only does this building house the police and special teams that question children that have been abused but also DCF, Guardian Ad Litem, David's psychiatrist and psychologist, a prevention speicalist but a long list of those that care about children. It is 2 miles from me and I spend alot of time there. When DCF can to my home the guy walked in and said "All I have heard is glowing reports about you as a mother from the advocate, the school, and everyone else that knows you"...I just need to let you know that with both boys having problems please never leave them alone for even 5 minutes.
    When Daniel was released from the crisis unit I was told to send him back to school by the ESE dept head. The new asst principal at the boys' school is a very cold woman. The one that was there for years was an older man that even if a child was in trouble they knew he cared about them. When I went for the staffing she (Mrs G) was in the reception area. She looked at me and said "I cannot believe they let him back in school!" During the staffing she told the others that she was concerned for her staff and students that Daniel would attack and injured one of them and that he should not be allowed back in school. I opened my big mouth and just said "Lady...admit just don't want my child in YOUR school!". Seems she has never worked in a school that not only has special ESE classrooms but with children with problems in reg classrooms.
    Daniel told me he was scared of her because she is so mean. I told him...she thinks you will be bad at school so just prove her wrong. And he When she calls about David's meltdowns she always tells me that Daniel has been an angel at school. Even the advocate brought up the fact when Daniel was turned down the 2nd time for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that "we should take a picture of Diane and send it around to these places that say they do not think they can handle Daniel and tell them that this lady has been doing it for 10 yrs on her own along with an autistic child...and your staff can't!" I told the asst principal that she needs to get some to the advocacy center to fax some paperwork to Jacksonville and then to see my own therapist.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ahh, I think Marguerite or one of her friends went through the same thing about the voices. Ugh.

    So sorry about the asst principal. It's always somebody. Sigh.
    Good for you for speaking up. That's not a big mouth. It's being an advocate. You can't always be like Julie Andrews. :)
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sounds like we are working with twin schools! when my son had his medication reaction the school psychiatric and admin has been wanting to know every detail, worried about what he is like now...blah blah. he has been there over two years and they know he is not normally like that. Our lawyer/advocate said to them, why are we writing this "crisis" plan? How many times has he had to be restrained. When they answered NONE she was like, really??????????

    His principal wants hm out of hte building really badly too. When he had a meltdown last Friday I showed up and psychiatric was telling me he wanted to hurt me, ... UM, yeah, I said the same thing you guys did, THis is nothing new. I have done this for years and it will be fine. He argued and got the principal and I finally just said let me go to my kid. I had him out in about 15 gentle minutes. They wanted to be all authoritative and tell him he had to leave NOW etc. when we specifically discussed how that would panic him and make a tricky situaiton impossible.

    I am sorry you have to deal with that too. You sound like you did amazing!

    I HATE that the medication did that to him. I said the same thing, the only thing Q knows is how he felt on it, there will be a part of him that just thinks he feels and thinks that way, he can't possibly fully understand how the medication can actually cause this. It has made me be much more cautious. When he had medication reactions when little it didn't seem so upsetting as this time.... Now his self concept is really being affected. I dont really like what he is on now, but going off could cause just as many issues. YUCK. Your poor boy, I am sure he is devastated, and I am so glad he is is going to get help. If he is calmed now is the reason he is going there in case when you start a new medication then he is in a safe place to have them handle it?

    Keep on keeping on, you are amazing.
  10. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Buddy...before this medication they had discussed Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with me about him because the poor kid is so confused. Bio mom (my ex daug in law) killed herself two years ago by lighting herself on fire and suffering for almost three months until God took her home. Daniel had always wanted to see her again and be able to ask her WHY?? Why did you try to drown me even though I was born to you?? Did you love me at all??
    And then there is the Whys?? for my son, his bio dad. Why did you not fight to raise me and David? Why did you have another kid after us? Why do you want to fight for custody of her but would not for me? Why do you show how much you love her but I don't think you love me?
    And there was sexual abuse by a friend's 9 yr old daughter when he was 3 and multiple caregivers in his life that have come and gone....David was very ill his first year of life and I spent alot of time in an out of town hospital with him.

    He needs to be somewhere that he can talk about his true feelings and not worry about upsetting anyone here. He needs to learn to socialize with children his age better. He really only has ever had David as a stable playmate and not only is David autistic but also developmentally delayed. They are only 9 months and 9 days apart because David was preemie. At 9 months old bio mom had Daniel wearing a onesie saying "I am the big brother". He was basically robbed of being a baby and getting all the attention a baby gets.
    So he has many things clouding his poor mind along with raging hormones....I think he can get the help he needs there and return home happier with himself and knowing he is loved.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Such a sad life for a little guy. What a true blessing you are to those boys. I will keep him and your family in my thoughts and prayers. My heart broke for him from the beginning of your post, now I am just beyond sad for the boys. I pray these folks will be the ticket to the beginning of his healing.

    If he loves animals, when this is done and if they feel he is safe with animals (sounds like he will be, was a medication issue) I wonder if therapeutic horseback riding woudl help him. Q's therapist works with inner city and at risk youth and ptsd kids etc. she said it is amazing for them. It has made a world of difference for Q. This program allows a reduced fee and no proof of income.
  12. Diane,

    I just want to say that I am so sorry for all you are going through! :(

  13. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Wanted to let you know that after being turned down by 3 different residential placement sites closer to home Daniel was accepted by in Jacksonville. My sister had come down for Christmas and drove Daniel and I up there Tued night for his admission on the 28th. They have set me up with SKYPE for conversations with him via the computer but so far we have only talked on the phone. He told me he cries every night but knows he needs to be there but he has found out (from them) that it is possible that he will be there 4-6 months. With the holidays and all I have not had a chance to talk with his doctor and therapist there. He will attend school on campus. He would like me up there every few days of course but it is a 4-5 hr drive there so I have had to tell maybe once or twice a month. I know I have to go once a month to consult with the staff on how he is doing. But I did it....followed through on what was best for my son...hurts like the devil though so please keep him in your prayers.
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    wonderful news. I am sure your heart is really sore from this. I mean heck, for a couple of weeks I had to have my son in a psychiatric hospital and it was close to me...I was devastated. I just can't imagine what this is like, very different. But the hope you can have for him to get more help and the fact that he says he knows it is best.... well that is really good news. Did you ever go away to school? I did and at first I wanted my parents there all the time. I know this is different in many ways, but if they are good and kind, he may end up liking it there. I hope so.

    HUGS to you.... :yourock:
  15. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    Thanks Buddy... when we had packed his things I asked if he wanted his blankie and bear...two things he has slept with since he was an infant.....and he told me he would be too embarassed to take them. Last night when I spoke to him he asked me to bring them to him because he cries himself to sleep every night. I told him I could not drive all the way up there right now but that I would put them in the mail on Tues along with some photos of us. We have an awesome church family and many want Occupational Therapist (OT) be on not only his allowed mail contacts but on his phone list of who he can talk to.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I can't imagine how hard this is for you all. Sending supportive hugs to your family. DDD
  17. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    So sad. I really hope Daniel can be helped at the treatment centre and eventually come home Hugs.
  18. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. My difficult child has been in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) since 11/7. It is very far from us, a 4hr drive one way. It is hard, but I can really see some positive changes in my difficult child, and hope you will see the same in yours.
  19. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    :bigsmile:You give me alot of hope for the future. Daniel is about 5 hrs from me depending on the traffic...I refuse to go thru Orlando again, I will pay the tolls to go around that crazy place.
    Talked to Daniel last night and there were no tears. He said him and the other guys were playing Monopoly and then in a whisper he asked if I had mailed bear and blankie Told him they would go out on Tues since PO closed. He also told me that "remember that lady that helped me unpack and counted my clothes?" well yes..."She makes us say Yes maam and No maam so you should be expecting to hear that alot when I get home".
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm glad he has settled well. That makes it so much easier for the parents...and the child. Had to smile reading about "yes, maam and no, maam". I was in my teens before I discoverd that those responses were not inbred everywhere, lol. In the South we all were taught very early on to respond that way to adults. When I first met contemporaries that said it was "servile" and "old fashioned" jaw dropped. It is so automatic with me that I use those phrases when dealing with my very blue collar customers who are always younger than I. Obviously if I "know" their names that's what I use but othrwise I have customers who are fifty years younger than I who sometimes do a double take. LOL
    It sure beats "dear" "honey" and "sweetheart". DDD

    PS: Driving thru Orlando is simple if you have nerves of steel and understand that 60 equals 80 in Orlandoese.