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My 18-year-old chooses pot over family
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 705204" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome BeyondSad, I'm so sorry for what you are going through and for the loss of your husband. I'm glad you found us here. </p><p></p><p>Your son is an adult and there is nothing you can do that will prevent him from smoking pot. He is making life choices that have consequences and he will come to learn what that means. If he says he's going to come for a visit to see his siblings then doesn't show, he is setting the tone for his siblings to not trust him. You are correct that he will learn the old fashioned way. </p><p></p><p>It's my guess that your son may have started using pot as a way to cope with the death of his dad. This can be very damaging because when someone uses drugs to numb their feelings, those feelings are still there. </p><p></p><p>I understand that some people use pot and alcohol to "relax" but for me, I do not see the need. I can only speak for myself as I don't drink or do any type of drug and have manged to deal with "life" just as it comes. I also understand that there are people who can use pot or alcohol and are able to maintain their responsibilities of working, paying bills, and keeping up with other obligations. If using pot or alcohol interferes with these responsibilities then it becomes a problem. Drugs and alcohol can easily become the users best friend, mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, job, etc........... When this happens the pot smoking and drinking are now a problem and many times will lead to other drug use.</p><p></p><p>I think you did the best thing you could by letting your son know that his actions would not be welcome in your home and changing the locks was a smart thing to do. </p><p></p><p>I wish I could tell you that this is a phase that your son will grow out of. The fact is, it could go either way, there is no way of knowing. The best thing you can do is to set clear boundaries of what you will and will not put up with concerning your son. Also, you have a life to live and need to live it to the fullest. As you well know, life is precious and needs to be cherished. We cannot live for our children, we can only live for ourselves. Live your life, do what brings you fulfillment.</p><p></p><p>It's not easy being a parent of an adult difficult child but it is possible to move on from this and live a happy life.</p><p></p><p>Again, I'm glad you are here with us.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you........................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 705204, member: 18516"] Welcome BeyondSad, I'm so sorry for what you are going through and for the loss of your husband. I'm glad you found us here. Your son is an adult and there is nothing you can do that will prevent him from smoking pot. He is making life choices that have consequences and he will come to learn what that means. If he says he's going to come for a visit to see his siblings then doesn't show, he is setting the tone for his siblings to not trust him. You are correct that he will learn the old fashioned way. It's my guess that your son may have started using pot as a way to cope with the death of his dad. This can be very damaging because when someone uses drugs to numb their feelings, those feelings are still there. I understand that some people use pot and alcohol to "relax" but for me, I do not see the need. I can only speak for myself as I don't drink or do any type of drug and have manged to deal with "life" just as it comes. I also understand that there are people who can use pot or alcohol and are able to maintain their responsibilities of working, paying bills, and keeping up with other obligations. If using pot or alcohol interferes with these responsibilities then it becomes a problem. Drugs and alcohol can easily become the users best friend, mother, father, sister, brother, grandparent, job, etc........... When this happens the pot smoking and drinking are now a problem and many times will lead to other drug use. I think you did the best thing you could by letting your son know that his actions would not be welcome in your home and changing the locks was a smart thing to do. I wish I could tell you that this is a phase that your son will grow out of. The fact is, it could go either way, there is no way of knowing. The best thing you can do is to set clear boundaries of what you will and will not put up with concerning your son. Also, you have a life to live and need to live it to the fullest. As you well know, life is precious and needs to be cherished. We cannot live for our children, we can only live for ourselves. Live your life, do what brings you fulfillment. It's not easy being a parent of an adult difficult child but it is possible to move on from this and live a happy life. Again, I'm glad you are here with us. ((HUGS)) to you........................ [/QUOTE]
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