My 18 year old, I had to kick her out. Has anyone gone through this?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shelby, Jul 5, 2013.

  1. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    My daughter is such a good girl. Only thing I had major problems with was her mouth. Very disrespectful. She turned 18 last week. I warned her before hand, if she does not respect me, I will move her in with her grandparents. This had been going on for awhile. I kept on dealing with it. I really wanted her to stay with me. She had a job and was going to college this August. A fight broke out again yesterday. I just had to do it. I moved her out. She lost her job and I have no idea about her future. Her grandparents are not to happy, but I did it so she can realize how good she had it with me.... Please respond
     
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello Shelby,

    Welcome to our little corner of the world! Glad you were able to find us.

    I can't speak directly to your issue as I'm not in that place, but many here have been there. You might want to go over and post on our Parent Emeritus Board as that board is specific to parents with children 18 and up. Here's a link: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/forums/parent-emeritus.18/

    :smile: Sharon
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Probably best to post in Parent Emeritus because this particular forum is for parents of kids under 18. However, before I'd know if I would have done the same thing, I'd have to know more about her. Is she using drugs? You say she's a good girl then that s he got into a fight. Did she attack you? Unless my child was physically violent, not so sure I'd have her leave the house unless every other word to me was "you're a (bleep) and I (bleeping) hate you." I have a high "disrespect" tolerance in teenagers if that is the only thing going on.
     
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Are you worried about how she will treat her grandparents? KSM
     
  5. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    No, not worried about her grandparents. By the way, thanks for your reply! I'm just worried that she won't talk to me for a very long time. She had a job and lost it because of the move. She is suppose to start a community college in August by where I live. I'm just worried period. Yes, she was very disrespectful. Being her mother, I would slap her when she really got out of hand with her mouth. She started hitting me back. I was worried it was going to escalate even further if she continued to live with me. No, she does not go out of even have any boyfriends. She does have a seizure disorder that is controlled by medications. That's why she cannot abuse alcohol or drugs......
     
  6. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    Ok, I need to find parent emeritus... She is a good kid as far as not abusing drugs or alcohol. She is still a virgin and does not date. She does have a seizure disorder that is controlled by medications. She understands how important it is not to do drugs of that nature. Only thing was her mouth, yes- there was allot of bad language, but only when she was very upset. Being a single parent with 2 jobs, I would come home exhausted to a complaining teen. Sometimes I would get very mad at her and slap her. She would hit me back. I did slap her mouth the day I sent her to her grandparents house. She punched me in the face and I just could not take it anymore. Gosh, how I want her back with me so she can get ready for college this fall. but, I just want her to realize everything I have done for her....please tell me your point of view...
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think you both need counseling. You should NOT be slapping her around her face (or at all) and most kids would not slap you back. Maybe you should enter therapy together. It could be that her epilepsy causes behavior problems. I don't know too much about epilepsy. But I do think you both need help.

    We should not have children so that t hey appreciate what we do for them. Not all will. It's therefore not a really great reason to have kids. And what teens think is being treated well may not be what WE think is treating them well. This is a slilppery slope.

    Again, I think the most important thing for both of you to do is to get family therapy so that you can both learn better ways to relate to one another. I would not throw a child out for having a bad mouth, but for slapping me....maybe. But then again I would not slap my child...especially not around the head/face. Sounds like you both in a dysfunctional rut and need some outside help. You are both too old to be having physical fights with one another. You should probably learn to interact with no physical contact. I sure can't see the good in it.

    Parent Emeritus would probably be a better place to post. However, I am one of those who does have adult children. Most here do not.
     
  8. Shelby

    Shelby New Member

    Hello, and thanks for all of your responses. Having family counseling is the ideal way to go. Having 2 jobs is exhausting and very difficult to take time off for anything else's at this point. Saving my family is definitely first before anything, I know, but not having insurance to get family counseling is difficult. She is now openly talking to me (thank the good lord), I think this is a start. Before we have had counseling. It was very helpful. Right now it's very hard. Do you have any suggestions. I believe me and my teen can work things out.
     
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shelby, do a little research to find your local Social Services Mental health agency and call them and ask about therapists in your area who offer sliding scale. One thing a lot of folks don't know is that if you call most therapists and ask them what their sliding scale rate is, they almost always have one, so you can try that too. In your research you can also inquire about groups for parents and teenagers, some therapists offer that and groups are less expensive. You can also call the school she is about to attend and talk to the counseling dept. and get options. You may have to dig around a little, but if you do, you will find professional help for you and your daughter. You deserve a place to go for yourself to get some compassion and empathy for YOU, it's tough raising a teen alone and especially difficult if you are working two jobs and the teen is not grateful for your sacrifices, (which, incidentally, they rarely are until they are much older).

    Learning communication skills rather then hitting is also a good start. You can both sit down and discuss what you expect, what she expects, what you are NOT willing to do and what you are not willing to put up with, and the same for her. Abusive language is obviously something you cannot tolerate, nor should you, so that would be on your unwilling to accept list. You both should make a commitment to use your words as opposed to using your fists or hands or taking any physical action towards the other. You might institute a time out policy for both of you when anger boils over. There are communication skills you can learn, there are likely books about it, others may know of them, or you can do some research on Amazon or at your local library on books on how to talk to teens.

    If you make some changes which give both of you avenues of expression without the negative parts, you can have a warm and loving relationship without the drama and anger. It's difficult to make changes but with your commitment to your daughter and your commitment to change, you can do it. Wishing you much success and many hugs..........
     
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