My 19 year old.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Rosieglow, May 16, 2014.

  1. Rosieglow

    Rosieglow New Member

    OK he we go again. This time it's about my Daughter S. She has always been a thief, little things like sweets, small amounts of money etc, and she lies, a lot. We are talking great big fat juicy lies. One recent one is that she has no sense of smell and never has. We know this to be a lie as there are many instances where she has commented on smells over the years. She has taken this lie so far that she has been CT scanned and had a smell test done at a hospital, I went with her and she even convinced the specialist and has a diagnosis of anosmia. Since these test she has tripped a few times saying one day that a smelly man came in to work, when I questioned her she said he was so bad even she could smell him.
    Another elaborate lie is that she has allergies. She told me her throat swells up if she eats or even smells (see the irony in this yet?) citrus fruit. She rang me from work one day to say she could hardly breath as someone had spilt some washing powder and it had caused her throat to swell badly. I said she should go to hospital but she said she would be OK. I know this is not true because I recently bought some tropical fruit juice and she drank it not realising it had citrus in it, she didn't complain of swollen throat. I also used grated lemon peel in a recipe recently and she grated it for me with no reaction.

    Ok, her lies have now reached new heights. She came home the other day and said all her money had been drained from her bank. We told her to ring the fraud number but she said she had spoken to the bank and they said there is nothing they can do. We know this is not the case as it has happened to us and we got all our money back. Anyway, long story short, it turns out she has not been paying for her car, so made up the story so we would bail her out. We have. Since then we have found letters from loan companies that have charged her a fee to search for a suitable loan, this is where the money has gone.

    I said to her that she must have been worried that her car would be repossessed and she said she wasn't worried one bit, things like that don't bother her. This is not normal, so I am wondering if she has some sort of mental disorder. She has a very high opinion of herself, once saying "I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't like me, they are missing out on so much". She is very attractive and has many male admirers but she says she isn't interested in any men and is not lesbian, she just doesn't have feelings for people in general.

    Any thoughts on this would be most helpful.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Any drug use? Is she in college or working? If not, how does she get money? Was she always this way?
     
  3. Rosieglow

    Rosieglow New Member

    As far as I know she is not using drugs. She got a job in a shop and within 6 months became a member of the management staff, she was still 18 at the time. She has been there a year and has now been offered an assistant managers position. She has always lied from a small child and just got worse.
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Rosie, is your daughter living with you? If this behavior is harming you or your family then regardless of what is going on with her, you need to set boundaries around the behavior. If she is stealing from you then you must put a stop to that. If she is not paying for her car then it is a good idea for you to stop the payments.

    Some traits that your daughter has could fall in to the entitlement category. If you have enabled her, always bailed her out, given her everything she desired then you may indeed be dealing with an entitled adult.

    The only way to correct this behavior is for you to set some strict boundaries around the behavior that is abhorrent to you. And, clearly to stop giving her money. If she is disrespectful to you it is necessary to stop that behavior immediately, don't allow any of your daughters to be disrespectful to you.

    All we have the power to do is to change our responses to the behavior. Figure out what it is you want, what you are willing to put up with and what you aren't and then make your feelings known. Make sure there are consequences to bad behavior. Do not reward bad behavior. Set strong boundaries around bad behavior. You have the power to change the situation with your responses. But you have to draw a line in the sand and not allow anyone to hold you hostage with their bad choices.
     
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