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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 678959" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>LS, I see that you are very much involved with son and I understand but darn it, it is killing you!</p><p></p><p>ACK! STOP!</p><p></p><p>Let him have all of this stuff.<em> It belongs to him. </em></p><p></p><p>Step way, way back. Way back.</p><p></p><p>He is an adult, you are an adult.</p><p></p><p>You are two separate people.</p><p>I found a really great article on a website yesterday.Though the focus is on drug use, I think it can be applicable to your situation. Take what you can from it......</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134" target="_blank">http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134</a></p><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0)"></span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0)"><em><strong>This is us, LS, when we over help.......</strong></em></span></p><p><span style="color: #ff0000">"The one thing that all enablers have in common is this: they love someone who is out of control, and they find themselves taking more responsibility for the actions of that person than the person is taking for themselves." </span></p><p></p><p><em><strong>This is what happens to our kids, when we over help them.......</strong></em></p><p><span style="color: #ff0000">"The enabled person becomes stuck in a role in which he or she feels incompetent, incapable, disempowered, dependent, and ineffectual. He or she may gradually accept a self-concept that includes these negative traits, destroying self-esteem."</span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Is it possible that your son is understanding this? That he does need to take control of his life, and as long as he knows he can contact you, he won't do this? THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!!! So your son is taking the lead here and stepping back. OMG LS, you have some breathing room here, time to focus on you and get your health issues under control.....</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p> <span style="color: #000000">This is kind of a conflicting statement my friend, because well here, from this same post.....</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">So, really, you<em> did not want</em> to give it to him. I understand this, what you are saying here, you want to protect his identity, I totally get this LS. But, truth be told, you did not want to give it to him. I am not condoning what he did, it was wrong for him to just grab it and run. In a way, you gave him no choice......don't be mad at me. I know this is a tough situation and time for you. But, my friend, there is a conflict going on.......inside of you.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Yes the conflict is based on fact: he is irresponsible, he loses stuff. <em>That is how we learn to protect things,</em> by losing them and facing the consequences. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">We will not have moms around to rescue us forever......</span></p><p> <span style="color: #000000">Honestly, the reality of life is that people have relationships that don't work and do get depressed over breaking up. It is something we all have had to learn. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Yes, you do not have control over this, none of us do. That is good LS that you see this.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p> <span style="color: #000000">YES! HOPE! He is doing something, he is out of your house, trying to live on his own. YAY! This is something for you to celebrate. It is what our children are supposed to do, grow up and take care of themselves. It is a good thing.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p> <span style="color: #000000">Yes LS, one day at a time. Limit the contact, then start to work on YOU. HE is working on himself. It is time for you, you matter, you have value. I have had to give my two to God, my grands, and trust that He will watch over them. I have had to develop a mantra, when I over think about them "They are out there finding their way, they will be okay."</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I keep posting here, to reaffirm my new path. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">It is a new path when we shake off the old over helping, enabling. We have to replace that with something. It feels like a big ball of empty inside at first. Developing new patterns of response takes work and time. It will happen for you LS, I am sure of it. Keep posting and reading, post as much as you can. Find books pertaining to your situation. We are all warriors here, soldiers in a battle...... <em>and soldiers train hard.</em> The training we need, is to educate ourselves and focus on building and strengthening our minds and our bodies. Nothing good can come of us self destructing with this. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">NOTHING. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">We do the best service to our d cs <em>by living well</em>. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">We show them by our action, how it is done. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">We want the best for our kids, well, <em>we have got to want the best for ourselves, too. </em></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Soldier on LS, you can do this. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Your son is in good hands. He will be alright, and so will you.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">We got your back here. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">You are not alone, there is a whole battalion of us. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">(((HUGS)))</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">leafy</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 678959, member: 19522"] LS, I see that you are very much involved with son and I understand but darn it, it is killing you! ACK! STOP! Let him have all of this stuff.[I] It belongs to him. [/I] Step way, way back. Way back. He is an adult, you are an adult. You are two separate people. I found a really great article on a website yesterday.Though the focus is on drug use, I think it can be applicable to your situation. Take what you can from it...... [URL]http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134[/URL] [COLOR=rgb(0, 0, 0)] [I][B]This is us, LS, when we over help.......[/B][/I][/COLOR] [COLOR=#ff0000]"The one thing that all enablers have in common is this: they love someone who is out of control, and they find themselves taking more responsibility for the actions of that person than the person is taking for themselves." [/COLOR] [I][B]This is what happens to our kids, when we over help them.......[/B][/I] [COLOR=#ff0000]"The enabled person becomes stuck in a role in which he or she feels incompetent, incapable, disempowered, dependent, and ineffectual. He or she may gradually accept a self-concept that includes these negative traits, destroying self-esteem."[/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]Is it possible that your son is understanding this? That he does need to take control of his life, and as long as he knows he can contact you, he won't do this? THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!!! So your son is taking the lead here and stepping back. OMG LS, you have some breathing room here, time to focus on you and get your health issues under control..... This is kind of a conflicting statement my friend, because well here, from this same post..... So, really, you[I] did not want[/I] to give it to him. I understand this, what you are saying here, you want to protect his identity, I totally get this LS. But, truth be told, you did not want to give it to him. I am not condoning what he did, it was wrong for him to just grab it and run. In a way, you gave him no choice......don't be mad at me. I know this is a tough situation and time for you. But, my friend, there is a conflict going on.......inside of you. Yes the conflict is based on fact: he is irresponsible, he loses stuff. [I]That is how we learn to protect things,[/I] by losing them and facing the consequences. We will not have moms around to rescue us forever...... Honestly, the reality of life is that people have relationships that don't work and do get depressed over breaking up. It is something we all have had to learn. Yes, you do not have control over this, none of us do. That is good LS that you see this. YES! HOPE! He is doing something, he is out of your house, trying to live on his own. YAY! This is something for you to celebrate. It is what our children are supposed to do, grow up and take care of themselves. It is a good thing. Yes LS, one day at a time. Limit the contact, then start to work on YOU. HE is working on himself. It is time for you, you matter, you have value. I have had to give my two to God, my grands, and trust that He will watch over them. I have had to develop a mantra, when I over think about them "They are out there finding their way, they will be okay." I keep posting here, to reaffirm my new path. It is a new path when we shake off the old over helping, enabling. We have to replace that with something. It feels like a big ball of empty inside at first. Developing new patterns of response takes work and time. It will happen for you LS, I am sure of it. Keep posting and reading, post as much as you can. Find books pertaining to your situation. We are all warriors here, soldiers in a battle...... [I]and soldiers train hard.[/I] The training we need, is to educate ourselves and focus on building and strengthening our minds and our bodies. Nothing good can come of us self destructing with this. NOTHING. We do the best service to our d cs [I]by living well[/I]. We show them by our action, how it is done. We want the best for our kids, well, [I]we have got to want the best for ourselves, too. [/I] Soldier on LS, you can do this. Your son is in good hands. He will be alright, and so will you. We got your back here. You are not alone, there is a whole battalion of us. (((HUGS))) leafy [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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