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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 681181" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Lostsoul, I am sorry for where you find yourself. I read a bit of your story and like others said, there are several elements in common with our own, my son's and mine, including mental health symptoms.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the rest. This is your son's story. Only secondarily your own. That is the hardest thing, because it feels as if our own life is at stake and we cannot hardly live it, as long as our children live in the state they do.</p><p></p><p>I think you have to find a way to not respond right now because this is not in the main about laundry or food. It is about his own acceptance of responsibility for himself, coming to see his own choices as the driver of his own life.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what kind of monetary assistance or if it is the same as what my son receives, which is SSI. That money can be a help and a curse. While he may receive benefits that are meant for self-care, he may use them for something else. This cannot be easily stopped. He must come to see he needs help, if his judgment is impaired. I have tried to convince my son and have gone with him to Social Security, where the rep explained their preference that the recipient determine his own spending. I was left without anything really I could do.</p><p></p><p>In my case, my son comes to us, mid-month, or later when the money runs out. He does not seek assistance before then. It makes it hard...</p><p></p><p>For many, many months I have dealt with my son not having food to complete the month. Or housing either. Sometimes he does not get through half of it. He shows up at my door often.</p><p></p><p>Every time he does show up it is a crisis (for me, and really, less so for him). My son refuses medication, believes therapy is a waste of time, does not get treatment for a chronic illness. Once when I told my son to leave he started sleeping under a bridge near my home. Just blocks. I traveled over it to reach home. It was absolutely horrible.</p><p></p><p>I vacillate, too, about how much I should help my son.</p><p></p><p>The most helpful way to look at things that I have found, is that because your son is an adult and rendered seriously destabilized in part by his own choices, there is really no role for a mother in this. <em>This is between him and the County in which he lives.</em> In the USA, authorities will step in if he is dangerous to himself or others or if he becomes gravely disabled, unable to feed, clothe, clean or house himself properly due to mental illness. Or if he commits some crime.</p><p></p><p>This is not in the main about laundry or food. It is about him learning to do what it takes to deal with himself and his life. As an adult. Our job is to learn how to let this happen, without falling apart or taking control (and responsibility.)</p><p></p><p>The hardest thing is to learn there is nothing to do. There is no role in this for you. Your son must be at the point where he can come to you with respect and self-control. He needs to be at the point where his goal is the same as your own and you feel secure that this is the case. That might be a place to have a new beginning.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, he will find food. He will find emergency housing, if he wants it. He will go to an emergency room when he is frightened, or has some need he wants filled.</p><p></p><p>The question is how will you get through this: I would suggest posting on as many threads as you can. It really, really helps.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest the focus as much as you can on your own needs. Take care. I know how hard this is.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 681181, member: 18958"] Lostsoul, I am sorry for where you find yourself. I read a bit of your story and like others said, there are several elements in common with our own, my son's and mine, including mental health symptoms. I agree with the rest. This is your son's story. Only secondarily your own. That is the hardest thing, because it feels as if our own life is at stake and we cannot hardly live it, as long as our children live in the state they do. I think you have to find a way to not respond right now because this is not in the main about laundry or food. It is about his own acceptance of responsibility for himself, coming to see his own choices as the driver of his own life. I do not know what kind of monetary assistance or if it is the same as what my son receives, which is SSI. That money can be a help and a curse. While he may receive benefits that are meant for self-care, he may use them for something else. This cannot be easily stopped. He must come to see he needs help, if his judgment is impaired. I have tried to convince my son and have gone with him to Social Security, where the rep explained their preference that the recipient determine his own spending. I was left without anything really I could do. In my case, my son comes to us, mid-month, or later when the money runs out. He does not seek assistance before then. It makes it hard... For many, many months I have dealt with my son not having food to complete the month. Or housing either. Sometimes he does not get through half of it. He shows up at my door often. Every time he does show up it is a crisis (for me, and really, less so for him). My son refuses medication, believes therapy is a waste of time, does not get treatment for a chronic illness. Once when I told my son to leave he started sleeping under a bridge near my home. Just blocks. I traveled over it to reach home. It was absolutely horrible. I vacillate, too, about how much I should help my son. The most helpful way to look at things that I have found, is that because your son is an adult and rendered seriously destabilized in part by his own choices, there is really no role for a mother in this. [I]This is between him and the County in which he lives.[/I] In the USA, authorities will step in if he is dangerous to himself or others or if he becomes gravely disabled, unable to feed, clothe, clean or house himself properly due to mental illness. Or if he commits some crime. This is not in the main about laundry or food. It is about him learning to do what it takes to deal with himself and his life. As an adult. Our job is to learn how to let this happen, without falling apart or taking control (and responsibility.) The hardest thing is to learn there is nothing to do. There is no role in this for you. Your son must be at the point where he can come to you with respect and self-control. He needs to be at the point where his goal is the same as your own and you feel secure that this is the case. That might be a place to have a new beginning. Trust me, he will find food. He will find emergency housing, if he wants it. He will go to an emergency room when he is frightened, or has some need he wants filled. The question is how will you get through this: I would suggest posting on as many threads as you can. It really, really helps. I would suggest the focus as much as you can on your own needs. Take care. I know how hard this is. COPA [/QUOTE]
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My 19 yr old stopped his depression/adhd medications...
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