Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619095" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>If he is taking any kind of drugs, it will likely progress, and something will "break" the situation, i.e., getting arrested, etc. That would be one way to break the logjam.</p><p></p><p>I would go to counseling myself or with my husband if he would go. Having somebody else to either help you or both of you talk openly about this and maturely about this would be another way to break the logjam.</p><p></p><p>There are so many young people in this country today (mainly young men, it seems) who are doing what your son is doing, for a variety of reasons. The common foundation is that we, the parents, have allowed it. I don't know about you but when I was growing up, the process was this:</p><p></p><p>graduate from h.s.</p><p>go to college for four years </p><p>move out and be on your own (in every way)</p><p></p><p>Most people I knew didn't deviate from that. </p><p></p><p>It is SO different today. </p><p></p><p>Your son needs to be on his way soon, one way or another. Once you get your husband on the same page with you that he has to move out soon, set a deadline---60 or 90 days from now. Sit down and have a talk. Be clear that in the allotted amount of time, he is out of your house.</p><p></p><p>So, he better get a job today and start saving up for deposits, etc., and/or find someone to share an apartment with, rent a room, whatever.</p><p></p><p>And on that 60th day or 90th day, HE IS OUT. No stalls, no delays, no "new information", nothing. He's out. </p><p></p><p>If he hasn't made plans and arrangements, well, we're really sorry about that honey, and i'm sure you'll figure it out. </p><p></p><p>And then you have to leave it. </p><p></p><p>So you have been respectful in giving him a heads up. You have given him some time to make plans. He had fair warning.</p><p></p><p>The trick is this: don't say anything you can't and won't back up. You have to back up what you say and if you don't, you're in for years of this. </p><p></p><p>I have been where you are and done that. My son was using drugs and alcohol when he was still living with me and was on a slow decline. He still went to junior college (kind of), still worked (kind of), had a girlfriend, etc. He was a complete slob at home and started slowly breaking all the rules. For a long time I didn't realize he was using substances as much as he was.</p><p></p><p>We are always the last to know. I gave him chance after chance after chance, stupidly. I believed him so many times, stupidly, as he lied to my face over and over again.</p><p></p><p>I should have stood up and held to my rules from the very first time, but I didn't. I believed him. I wanted to believe him. </p><p></p><p>It didn't help him or me. By allowing this you are starting down the road of crippling him for life. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and keep coming back here. We get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619095, member: 17542"] If he is taking any kind of drugs, it will likely progress, and something will "break" the situation, i.e., getting arrested, etc. That would be one way to break the logjam. I would go to counseling myself or with my husband if he would go. Having somebody else to either help you or both of you talk openly about this and maturely about this would be another way to break the logjam. There are so many young people in this country today (mainly young men, it seems) who are doing what your son is doing, for a variety of reasons. The common foundation is that we, the parents, have allowed it. I don't know about you but when I was growing up, the process was this: graduate from h.s. go to college for four years move out and be on your own (in every way) Most people I knew didn't deviate from that. It is SO different today. Your son needs to be on his way soon, one way or another. Once you get your husband on the same page with you that he has to move out soon, set a deadline---60 or 90 days from now. Sit down and have a talk. Be clear that in the allotted amount of time, he is out of your house. So, he better get a job today and start saving up for deposits, etc., and/or find someone to share an apartment with, rent a room, whatever. And on that 60th day or 90th day, HE IS OUT. No stalls, no delays, no "new information", nothing. He's out. If he hasn't made plans and arrangements, well, we're really sorry about that honey, and i'm sure you'll figure it out. And then you have to leave it. So you have been respectful in giving him a heads up. You have given him some time to make plans. He had fair warning. The trick is this: don't say anything you can't and won't back up. You have to back up what you say and if you don't, you're in for years of this. I have been where you are and done that. My son was using drugs and alcohol when he was still living with me and was on a slow decline. He still went to junior college (kind of), still worked (kind of), had a girlfriend, etc. He was a complete slob at home and started slowly breaking all the rules. For a long time I didn't realize he was using substances as much as he was. We are always the last to know. I gave him chance after chance after chance, stupidly. I believed him so many times, stupidly, as he lied to my face over and over again. I should have stood up and held to my rules from the very first time, but I didn't. I believed him. I wanted to believe him. It didn't help him or me. By allowing this you are starting down the road of crippling him for life. Good luck and keep coming back here. We get it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
Top