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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 619205" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>What I hear in each of these stories is a component of denial about the role of substance abuse, and also the conviction that these boys are somehow different and therefore need the unique support of their moms.</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others that drug use seems likely in the two whose mom's think they aren't using. LIke many others on this forum, I was positive that my difficult child wasn't using in 8th grade..9th grade, 10th grade...right up until his heroin overdose in 11th grade (I was sure he wan't using heroin because he panics at needles in the pediatricians office...cute little boy, huh?). I was POSITIVE everyone else was wrong abuot the drugs, they just didn't understand how messed up his mind was, how much support he needed, how uniquely different he was. Sound familiar moms? Guess what. He is a substance abuser, a user of the system (SSI and foodstamps) a user of his mom (I just paid $1800 restitution to get him out of jail...I didn't pay bail but I did pay what it took to shorten his sentence and prevent him from having a record)...and he hasn't talked to me since he got out of jail on New Years Eve and said "mom, its a holiday, I just want to be with my friends). I have seen him begging in front of McDonalds...but that is neither here nor there. That was my sweet boy. The one who got up in the middle of the night to eat. The one everyone suggested was using drugs but I knew better. That may or may not be your story...but until you have tossed his room and found nothing, and had a few negative drug tests....don't be so sure.</p><p></p><p>The other is....behavior is behavior is behavior. YOu can teach a dog not to get food in the middle of the night with behavior modification. YOu can teach the most severly autistic child there is. You can also teach a kid that they can get away with anything as long as it is their mom and dad they are abusing. </p><p></p><p>I hear the long list of things you have tried....and each of you has a short statement of what your difficult child has refused to try, or refused to stick to. Sounds like only one party (or two if there is a husband or SO in the game) is trying...the other is sitting back and letting it all happen.</p><p></p><p>Nothing will change if you continue this path, that is one thing we can be sure of.</p><p></p><p>My heart bleeds for all of you...for all of us. But we can get well...and actually, they may be able to do so as well. It does matter that we don't keep doing all the doing and the trying. They have to learn that they can do it on their own, and that mommy isn't the only resource. That is part of parenting the neurotypical and the neurolesstypical. These boys all need to stop having mom do all the trying for them.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 619205, member: 17269"] What I hear in each of these stories is a component of denial about the role of substance abuse, and also the conviction that these boys are somehow different and therefore need the unique support of their moms. I agree with the others that drug use seems likely in the two whose mom's think they aren't using. LIke many others on this forum, I was positive that my difficult child wasn't using in 8th grade..9th grade, 10th grade...right up until his heroin overdose in 11th grade (I was sure he wan't using heroin because he panics at needles in the pediatricians office...cute little boy, huh?). I was POSITIVE everyone else was wrong abuot the drugs, they just didn't understand how messed up his mind was, how much support he needed, how uniquely different he was. Sound familiar moms? Guess what. He is a substance abuser, a user of the system (SSI and foodstamps) a user of his mom (I just paid $1800 restitution to get him out of jail...I didn't pay bail but I did pay what it took to shorten his sentence and prevent him from having a record)...and he hasn't talked to me since he got out of jail on New Years Eve and said "mom, its a holiday, I just want to be with my friends). I have seen him begging in front of McDonalds...but that is neither here nor there. That was my sweet boy. The one who got up in the middle of the night to eat. The one everyone suggested was using drugs but I knew better. That may or may not be your story...but until you have tossed his room and found nothing, and had a few negative drug tests....don't be so sure. The other is....behavior is behavior is behavior. YOu can teach a dog not to get food in the middle of the night with behavior modification. YOu can teach the most severly autistic child there is. You can also teach a kid that they can get away with anything as long as it is their mom and dad they are abusing. I hear the long list of things you have tried....and each of you has a short statement of what your difficult child has refused to try, or refused to stick to. Sounds like only one party (or two if there is a husband or SO in the game) is trying...the other is sitting back and letting it all happen. Nothing will change if you continue this path, that is one thing we can be sure of. My heart bleeds for all of you...for all of us. But we can get well...and actually, they may be able to do so as well. It does matter that we don't keep doing all the doing and the trying. They have to learn that they can do it on their own, and that mommy isn't the only resource. That is part of parenting the neurotypical and the neurolesstypical. These boys all need to stop having mom do all the trying for them. Echo [/QUOTE]
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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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