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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 619233" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>WaveringFaith, the hardest thing for us is to allow ourselves to know exactly who our kids are. I know the heartbreak you feel now, but at the same time it's freeing. </p><p></p><p>I think perhaps I may hold the record for believing in my daughter long after the truth was obvious to everyone else. I gave her every chance for years to change, thinking it was because of her husbands suicide that she was acting so badly............because of her in-laws blaming her for the suicide...........because of obvious signs of some kind of mental illness or conduct disorder............because she lost her job...........because her kids were taken from her..................on and on it went, with me just not willing to see what the truth was.................don't do that WaveringFaith............it will just keep you stuck in this hamster wheel of enabling, giving in, making excuses for his behavior...............all the while, he manipulates you and NOTHING changes. </p><p></p><p><u>You</u> must change and then if he is going to change at all, that will be his chance. But you must be the one to let go, take action, make changes......................often our kids are living a rather cushy life at our expense, and at our expense on <u>every</u> level. Keep your eyes wide opened. </p><p></p><p>I am glad this happened too, it often takes something very blatant for us to come out of the darkness and see the truth. Along the way make sure you get lots of support and be very, very kind to yourself. This is very difficult for us and we need all the help we can get and all the kindness and care we can allow ourselves. Amp up your self care and surround yourself with compassionate, non judgmental people who have your back and can listen to you and support your choices. Sending hugs........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 619233, member: 13542"] WaveringFaith, the hardest thing for us is to allow ourselves to know exactly who our kids are. I know the heartbreak you feel now, but at the same time it's freeing. I think perhaps I may hold the record for believing in my daughter long after the truth was obvious to everyone else. I gave her every chance for years to change, thinking it was because of her husbands suicide that she was acting so badly............because of her in-laws blaming her for the suicide...........because of obvious signs of some kind of mental illness or conduct disorder............because she lost her job...........because her kids were taken from her..................on and on it went, with me just not willing to see what the truth was.................don't do that WaveringFaith............it will just keep you stuck in this hamster wheel of enabling, giving in, making excuses for his behavior...............all the while, he manipulates you and NOTHING changes. [U]You[/U] must change and then if he is going to change at all, that will be his chance. But you must be the one to let go, take action, make changes......................often our kids are living a rather cushy life at our expense, and at our expense on [U]every[/U] level. Keep your eyes wide opened. I am glad this happened too, it often takes something very blatant for us to come out of the darkness and see the truth. Along the way make sure you get lots of support and be very, very kind to yourself. This is very difficult for us and we need all the help we can get and all the kindness and care we can allow ourselves. Amp up your self care and surround yourself with compassionate, non judgmental people who have your back and can listen to you and support your choices. Sending hugs........ [/QUOTE]
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My 20 year old son won't move out. HELP!
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