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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 618929" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome WaveringFaith. I am so sorry you are going through this with your son. You are in a tough spot, I can certainly understand the anguish you are feeling. You've come to a safe and caring place where we know how you feel because we've been in your shoes.</p><p></p><p>I think the others have given you very good advice. The most difficult thing we parents have to do is stand on the sidelines and watch our kids self destruct. The feeling of powerlessness is almost unbearable. We want to do SOMETHING and what is the most crazy making and the most hurtful is that <u>we can't do anything. </u>It is entirely up to your son to pull himself out of his depression.............or not. There is nothing you can do to make that happen, other then ruin your own life and the life of your youngest son. I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>It may be helpful for you to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment. It may be helpful for you to contact NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have very good courses for parents, to help you to cope with the mental illness of your son, to give you tools and to offer understanding and compassion. It would also be helpful if you find a therapist, counselor, parents group, some source of support which can help you negotiate this territory. Most of us cannot do this alone, we need a lot of help because our love for our kids makes detaching end up being the hardest thing any of us has ever done. So, please find avenues of support for yourself. It will ease that broken heart you are experiencing right now.</p><p></p><p>For me, the hardest think I had to deal with was facing the fact that my daughter could die and there was nothing I could do. If your son makes a decision, whatever that decision is, you can't prevent it. We parents somehow believe we have the control and the power to stop the outcome from happening to our kids, with our sheer force of will and our love.............but we can't. We are powerless. Only they can choose life. We cannot do it for them.</p><p></p><p>Mental Illness brings with it a devastation like no other...........it forces us to recognize our powerlessness, our complete lack of control, our helplessness in the face of it. I have mental illness throughout my family. My brother is schizophrenic and lived on the streets of L.A. for many years before we got him a room in a boarding house. My daughter has mental issues and has been couch surfing for the last 4 years. My sister is bi-polar yet has managed to survive and in many ways thrive. All different choices. Choices I had no power in changing.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you. I understand your pain. This is the hardest thing for us parents to do. My advice to you is to let him go. Get support for YOU. Focus on you and your younger son now. Call NAMI. Being around other parents facing what you are will be enormously helpful. Do nurturing, nourishing, kind things for yourself. Do not isolate yourself, call your boyfriend and your girlfriends and rejoin life...........isolating yourself will make everything so much worse. Read and recite the serenity prayer. Place your son in the hands of what you perceive as a Higher Power and recognize that this is his life, his fate. Keep posting here because it helps. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you had to. I wish you peace.............hang in there, we're here for you...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 618929, member: 13542"] Welcome WaveringFaith. I am so sorry you are going through this with your son. You are in a tough spot, I can certainly understand the anguish you are feeling. You've come to a safe and caring place where we know how you feel because we've been in your shoes. I think the others have given you very good advice. The most difficult thing we parents have to do is stand on the sidelines and watch our kids self destruct. The feeling of powerlessness is almost unbearable. We want to do SOMETHING and what is the most crazy making and the most hurtful is that [U]we can't do anything. [/U]It is entirely up to your son to pull himself out of his depression.............or not. There is nothing you can do to make that happen, other then ruin your own life and the life of your youngest son. I am sorry. It may be helpful for you to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment. It may be helpful for you to contact NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They have very good courses for parents, to help you to cope with the mental illness of your son, to give you tools and to offer understanding and compassion. It would also be helpful if you find a therapist, counselor, parents group, some source of support which can help you negotiate this territory. Most of us cannot do this alone, we need a lot of help because our love for our kids makes detaching end up being the hardest thing any of us has ever done. So, please find avenues of support for yourself. It will ease that broken heart you are experiencing right now. For me, the hardest think I had to deal with was facing the fact that my daughter could die and there was nothing I could do. If your son makes a decision, whatever that decision is, you can't prevent it. We parents somehow believe we have the control and the power to stop the outcome from happening to our kids, with our sheer force of will and our love.............but we can't. We are powerless. Only they can choose life. We cannot do it for them. Mental Illness brings with it a devastation like no other...........it forces us to recognize our powerlessness, our complete lack of control, our helplessness in the face of it. I have mental illness throughout my family. My brother is schizophrenic and lived on the streets of L.A. for many years before we got him a room in a boarding house. My daughter has mental issues and has been couch surfing for the last 4 years. My sister is bi-polar yet has managed to survive and in many ways thrive. All different choices. Choices I had no power in changing. My heart goes out to you. I understand your pain. This is the hardest thing for us parents to do. My advice to you is to let him go. Get support for YOU. Focus on you and your younger son now. Call NAMI. Being around other parents facing what you are will be enormously helpful. Do nurturing, nourishing, kind things for yourself. Do not isolate yourself, call your boyfriend and your girlfriends and rejoin life...........isolating yourself will make everything so much worse. Read and recite the serenity prayer. Place your son in the hands of what you perceive as a Higher Power and recognize that this is his life, his fate. Keep posting here because it helps. I'm glad you found us, but sorry you had to. I wish you peace.............hang in there, we're here for you........... [/QUOTE]
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My 20 yr old clinically depressed son refuses help
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