My 20yr.old..mood swings or personality disorder?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Woriedmom, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Does anyone know which drug would cause mood swings? or I guess my question is does smoking weed make you act angry? I can never talk to my husband about any of this since he's so negative about my times I don't think my husband never wants my son to recover.
    Now I'm wondering if it's because he use to be a meth head and an alcoholic, his own Dad use to beat him up when he was a small boy. My husbands forgiven his Dad or so he says but getting back to the point...I have no one I can talk to. I cannot find any meetings around me. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what drugs my son is abusing. Now he says he's stopped getting high, can pass a drug test if we gave him one or if a shelter gave him one but never followed through with anything.
    Yesterday he came by the house hoping to talk to my husband about how he's no longer getting high, will go to church, etc. etc. but when my husband walked in the door with a frown on his face was obvious he ( my husband ) was unapproachable. My son fears him and so do I, I cannot live this way. I do love my husband but my main reason for staying in the marriage is for my 2 year old daughter. I have no trust for men to be alone with little children. Pedophiles are everywhere. My husband has a very large family and not being with my daughter would drive me insane. So, I stay .Things are still not perfect but much better since my sons out of the house. I'm sorry ...I know these are several questions I have here, I just didn't want to open up threads for each one. Is that how the threads work? I've never really been in any kind of forums...I'm really new to this so let me know if I'm doing something wrong here.
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Why wouldn't you take your 2-year-old with you if you left? The fact that you say that you are afraid of your husband sends up big red flags to me.

  3. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Kathy, of course I would take her but he would have legal rights to see her, visit with her. I can't take the chance that he would take her over to his parents house and he does have a younger brother who is a "recovered" crackhead and I wouldn't trust him or whatever pals he would have over.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    To answer your first questions.... I personally think weed can cause mood swings..... I think they tend to be pretty mellow when high but can be pretty irritable when coming down from it. In general my son is much more moody and more unreasonable when he is using (whatever substance) than when he is not.

    I think it is pretty hard to get any kind of clear psychiatric diagnosis while they are using drugs.


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  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I agree with TL.

    I also think it says alot that you are afraid for your daughter to be alone with male members of the family. From your description your husband is a recovered addict and his brother is as well. Do you feel ok leaving your daughter unsupervised with husband? Do you have any indication that any member of his family is a pedophile? Just because someone has a drug issue doesn't mean they are a pedophile. If the situation arose you wouldn't have a choice about where he was allowed to take your daughter unless you could prove the place/person was unsafe.

    In the long run divorce is your decision and I dont know if it is a good idea or not since I am not a member of your family. Having said that it is not a good idea to stay in an unhappy or unhealthy situation because of a fear of something you have no indication will happen.

    Maybe the reason husband has less tolerance for your difficult child is because he knows that tolerating the behavior/drug abuse doesn't help. His anger and lack of patience may be because he knows more about what difficult child is doing and knows that nothing you or husband do will heal him. It may simply be his way of dealing with difficult child. Maybe he is harder on difficult child because you are so soft with him?

    There are alot of questions to be answered.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think that trying to find out why your son is doing drugs or what drugs cause what behavior are moot points. He is using. He will lie to your face. He needs to seek help. When he gets clean, then a psyc evaluation can determine if there underlying mental issues.

    You need to seek help for yourself. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues in your marriage.
  7. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Toughlove ,thank you that.makes alot of.sense now. Geewhiz this would mean the real him would be.the.cranky mood. I do remember him coming home high and being real giggly.. what was this? Pills perhaps? he.would do his avoid eye contact with me. He.thought he was being so slick. very careless but I guess being high all the time would the reason for the carelessness. DS I do believe my husband hates him so much because of all the attention and love I would give to my son. But it's not like I showed him any less. No doubt he felt he was in some kind of competition with my son which is absurd. And indeed he knows where to hit me where it hurts.... He's even told me he knows how much I love my son and if he wants to hurt me he will do it through my son. However it is true that he recognizes my sons behaviors best since he was a user in the past himself. Oh before I forget... I wasn't trying to say his brother is a suspect because he smoked crack before but just thought I'd give an idea of the kind of person my daughter would be around. Since we all can agree a relapse can occur and how it would be harmful. I know anyone can be a pedophile, honestly it has been a fear of mine that if anything did happen to me I'd have no control where she goes. I will have to trust that the Lord keep his angels around her...I'd have no choice. in the meantime I'm feeling as sad as ever. missing my son but knowing he has to be the one to put his life back together. there is nothing I can do except pray for him but at the same time I'm only human.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Leaving your husand will not fix your son and will seperate you from your daughter. Being an ex addict does not stop a judge from ordering even 50% custody to the father these days. My son just went through a custody battle and I learned a lot about custody.

    Your son and your daughter are seperate issues. Your son is an adult. If he is afraid of your husband maybe it is because what he says hits home. I'm not sure why you're afraid of your husband. Is he physically violent to you? If so, you need to report each incident to the police or it won't matter if you do go to court. Does he physically abuse your little girl?If he physically hurts you, please do take your daughter and go to a domestic abuse shelter for help. Nobody deserves that. NOBODY.

    I do feel you are still trying to protect your son from the opinion of other people. You can't. He is what he is. Our mommy love makes us see past their deeds, but other people can be harsh. Your husband has his little one to be concerned about. A two year old truly IS helpless. I'm not defending your husband, because I don't know what you are living through with him, but if you are only upset with him because he is harsh with your adult son, well, I do understand why he would feel the way he does.

    The good news is that your son can decide to get his act together at any time (and, trust me, a few of our difficult children have shocked us and done just that) and then others will look upon him as a man of courage and strength. I don't think I am the only person who has a very high regard for those who manage to beat the horrific illness of addiction, regardless of what they have done in the past. But in my opinion he is more apt to take that path if you don't mother him and comfort him in his self-destruction.

    Only you know if your husband is really abusive or just not happy with your son. Those are two separate issues. Hugs much for your hurting heart and all your pain. Hoping you can claw your way toward serenity.
  9. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    Mwm, Thank you . I always look forward you your and Childofmine's post on the threads.
    In fact if my son gets put in jail I will read over her response to a previous thread where she says " For my son and your son ...jail is the best place for them right now." It gives me some comfort for if this is the verdict, God forbid.

    Anywho..I just finished reading a few more pages in the book "Co-dependent no more", and do believe it is as you say and I'm still guilty of defending my son. It is horrible when I do this with my husband but he downs my son so bad and I feel it's not fair for my son who can't defend himself with any of the things my husband says about him.
    One example... A few months ago my husbands youngest brother died, an overdose of heroin caused him to have a heart attack. Well, my husband was very upset at 2 friends of his that didn't show up to the funeral and of course my son didn't show up either. Well, my son did have an appointment. in the morning to see his Public defender which was quite a distance from us. However my son could've showed up at his parents house afterwards for food, etc. mainly to show his respects. Well, my son to took the brunt of it...made my husband even worse about kicking him out, he said it was "the last straw". Of course mommy fought him on it which brought out the monster in him. I told him my son has never been to a funeral (which is true), I told him it's always been just the kids and I. He's doesn't know how to show respect for the dead. Truth is I was texting my son like a mad woman begging him to show up. I've yelled at my son many times about his disrespectful behavior but I've told my husband this but he will say "I've never heard you do you do that". I told him I can never scold my son in front of him, and my husband responds with the truth.."YOU'RE JUST AFRAID OF WHAT HE WILL SAY!" honestly the yelling and arguing in the house was crazy. But...he would go further and say "If I ever hear him say the wrong thing to my wife, I will punch him right in his face and break his nose" how am I suppose to deal with that? I don't think he would really ever do that , but just the fact that he would say such a horrible thing. In the son has no idea of the real words my husband will say about him.
    No my husband has never hit me, or my daughter for that matter. In fact he is very sweet to her ...we both are.She is so precious to us, my son loves her to death also. Now I will say that although my husband has never threatened to hit me...I feel as though I've most certainly been mentally abused by him. Almost always concerning my son...but also with other issues between us, mostly silly stuff. The other silly things like when the kitchen disposal stops working because I've accidentally dropped something in it ...that sort of thing. He wouldn't fly off the handle but it's always enough to have me all upset and in my mind thinking how awful he is about my son. He even had his ex wife take him to court about something and my husband yelled at the judge so he was not only in contempt but ordered to go to anger management. Now, my husband has been clean for about 8 years , went to the whole AA meetings. Did the whole 12 step thing.etc. but there still is a mean person deep inside.
    Sorry this is so lengthily... Anywho...I think the bottom line here concerning my that it's not so much what my husband is saying , it's more like the way he says it". To threaten my son physically is worse than threatening me, and he knows it.

    PS.. My husband threatened to leave me, stop paying bills, allow our house to go into foreclosure, and when none of that hurt me he said the final thing which was "If I find your son still in the house when I come home I will have the police escort him out of here in handcuffs". All this and my son has NEVER said a nasty word to him.
    Now that my son is gone, it has brought peace in the house for him...for me my heart is broken. I'm so sad. I gained 15 pounds in just a few months. :(
  10. Woriedmom

    Woriedmom Member

    actually I'm going to do a copy /paste of this last paragraph to begin a thread...more on the subject at hand.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have no idea if I am double responding or not because I have not read all the posts. My attention span is a bit short and I know I may get interrupted at any point with grandkids returning to the house.

    I know my son's father and I can get into some whopper's of arguments with each other over our son. I know there has been competition in the home. I always say it is like "Rooster of the yard" (I cant say the real words or they get censored...its the C word of the yard!) In the world of chickens there can really only be one dominant male rooster who holds the title of Top Rooster. As the younger rooster's grow up they try to fight with this older rooster but the Top Rooster normally beats them off and they go off and take a few hens with them and start their own little family. When you have two Top Roosters in one yard they will fight to the death. Anyone who knows about chicken fighting knows what I am trying to say.

    This is worse than the saying about two cooks in the kitchen but it is similar. With two males who are trying to be the dominant one in the home go up against the other - and they are vying for the top female which would be you and me - it can get very ugly fast.

    My son would throw up the fact that the house we lived in was in my name and his father had no say about who lived there. That put me in a very bad position especially because his father would get mad about the most asinine things. If he couldnt find a certain coffee cup in the morning all hell would break loose. I was told so many times that I was choosing my son over his father. Sometimes it was true. I like to think it was only the times his father was truly being unjust and just trying to find something to pick on.

    This has caused a major rift in our relationship. We have had a lot of issues in the past 3 years that were not all caused by my son but also caused my SO's brother. It has been ugly and I truly didnt think we would be together today because of it. Last January we almost split up. Something had to change drastically and it was either we were going to go our separate ways or well...I dont know. Tony had left to go out of town for work after a huge fight early one Monday morning and I didnt think we would be together when he came home on that Friday. He called me about an hour after he left that morning and told me something had to change. He didnt want to lose me but we couldnt live with our kids anymore. Either they left...which we both knew would never happen, or we were going to leave. And that is what we did. We moved out of a home we owned and found a little house inside our small city that we both love. We do rent but we are forcing our kids to pay us rent which leaves us with only a small portion of our rent to pay. If they ever stop paying well then they are out and sadly I guess we will return to our old home. To tell the truth I would be happy if I never went back!

    We are still working on getting back our relationship. Our first option is to hurt each other so we have to work at not doing that. We shall see how this works out.