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General Parenting
My 3 year old son- oppositional defiant disorder and adhd
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 497356" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi there, you have come to a welcoming and understanding group, I PROMISE you that! Yes, many of us have had kids who are so over the top in their lack of safety, attention, are hyper, do not read emotions etc. </p><p></p><p>First, have you seen those cabinet locks that have a magnet to unlock them? they do not show from out side of your cupboards (but you do need wood not metal cupboards to have them screw in)... they work even now for my 15 yr old son. I have kept every scissor and knife locked up since he was little and just wont risk it. These are even at target, walmart, home depot, lowes any kind of store like that and I installed them myself with a little drill and screw driver.</p><p></p><p>Second, it sounds like your son needs an evaluation from someone other than a pediatrician. There are options. A neuropsychologist who specializes in early childhood and along with them see an Occupational Therapist (OT) (occupational therapist who will look at motor abilities and sensory integration disorder which can look like adhd). Kids who are oppositional and defiant usually have an underlying reason that they are acting that way and that label does not give you anywhere to go for treatment or therapy. finding out WHY they are like that does help though. ADHD is something that can be for real... a stand alone issue. But it is very often (like 70% of the time I have read) really something else. Given your son has this obsessive interest in knives and is highly verbal and not reading emotions well as well as not realizing how his actions can impact despite knowing the "rules"..... I would for sure have him evaluated for other things. This does not sound like pure ADHD in my humble opinion and I would have him checked for Processing problems (auditory, language, visual all which can be subtle and affect his understanding of the world around him) as well as make sure that he is not on the autism spectrum. (there are some things that since he is little can not be specifically checked on but there are many clues one can get from testing and a good therapist can help you watch for them)... Look, this might seem like overkill, but the bottom line is this, you will have some peace of mind knowing if there is or is not a big problem. And one thing we know, early intervention is critical IF there is a problem. (and there may or may not be, he may just be on that end of normal that is super hard to deal with, sigh) </p><p></p><p>Does he play WITH other kids and does he do imaginative play (like a little stick can be a "guy" and talk to another "guy" and they make up different stories...not just copy what a cartoon or movie or other child has said/done) How is his eye contact with yourself, others? (it can vary and is not THE indicator of autism and many docs mistakenly will say that it can't be that becasue he has good eye contact, uggg) DId he learn letters and numbers easily when very young? Is he upset or attracted to any sounds, textures, foods, etc. Does he eat a variety of food? How is his fine motor development, can he color? Does he have things he likes a lot in addition to the knives?</p><p></p><p>Other evaluations can come from vision development specialists, audiologists, speech language pathologists and Developmental Pediatricians. </p><p></p><p>I am sure others will have ideas of what to look for on the mental health side too, that area is less familiar to me, though I do have a child with attachment issues and due to your early chaos (don tmean that in any way as a criticism, it just is what happened, right?) he could have developed some inability to relate to others in a typical way. Some kids with attachment issues have "indiscriminate" attachment, will go to anyone and just dont see the difference between a trusted person and a stranger. (this also happens in autism though for some kids).</p><p></p><p>If you are concerned about attachment and emotional issues, mood issues, etc... please find a very specialized therapist because those who do not get that early attachment thing and they can actually do more damage than help, they must work with YOU on his emotional stuff, I personally , given your history would not work with at therapist who wanted to work alone with him to do traditional play therapy and not have you involved. Just a heads up, you have to go with what feels right for you though, not my preferences, lol. </p><p></p><p>Whatever choices you make, whatever you experience, please know that we are here for you. There is a lot of hope, you are very early into the game and already looking for help, BIG huge major factor for hope.</p><p></p><p>Do you have other concerns for his development by the way? Is he in preschool or anything? In the USA, all children are entitled to a free developmental evaluation thru the public school system. so, if insurance and finanaces are problems, come back to us and we will (many of us here) chime in to help you thru that too. Many of us eventually do BOTH things. Private and school evaluations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 497356, member: 12886"] Hi there, you have come to a welcoming and understanding group, I PROMISE you that! Yes, many of us have had kids who are so over the top in their lack of safety, attention, are hyper, do not read emotions etc. First, have you seen those cabinet locks that have a magnet to unlock them? they do not show from out side of your cupboards (but you do need wood not metal cupboards to have them screw in)... they work even now for my 15 yr old son. I have kept every scissor and knife locked up since he was little and just wont risk it. These are even at target, walmart, home depot, lowes any kind of store like that and I installed them myself with a little drill and screw driver. Second, it sounds like your son needs an evaluation from someone other than a pediatrician. There are options. A neuropsychologist who specializes in early childhood and along with them see an Occupational Therapist (OT) (occupational therapist who will look at motor abilities and sensory integration disorder which can look like adhd). Kids who are oppositional and defiant usually have an underlying reason that they are acting that way and that label does not give you anywhere to go for treatment or therapy. finding out WHY they are like that does help though. ADHD is something that can be for real... a stand alone issue. But it is very often (like 70% of the time I have read) really something else. Given your son has this obsessive interest in knives and is highly verbal and not reading emotions well as well as not realizing how his actions can impact despite knowing the "rules"..... I would for sure have him evaluated for other things. This does not sound like pure ADHD in my humble opinion and I would have him checked for Processing problems (auditory, language, visual all which can be subtle and affect his understanding of the world around him) as well as make sure that he is not on the autism spectrum. (there are some things that since he is little can not be specifically checked on but there are many clues one can get from testing and a good therapist can help you watch for them)... Look, this might seem like overkill, but the bottom line is this, you will have some peace of mind knowing if there is or is not a big problem. And one thing we know, early intervention is critical IF there is a problem. (and there may or may not be, he may just be on that end of normal that is super hard to deal with, sigh) Does he play WITH other kids and does he do imaginative play (like a little stick can be a "guy" and talk to another "guy" and they make up different stories...not just copy what a cartoon or movie or other child has said/done) How is his eye contact with yourself, others? (it can vary and is not THE indicator of autism and many docs mistakenly will say that it can't be that becasue he has good eye contact, uggg) DId he learn letters and numbers easily when very young? Is he upset or attracted to any sounds, textures, foods, etc. Does he eat a variety of food? How is his fine motor development, can he color? Does he have things he likes a lot in addition to the knives? Other evaluations can come from vision development specialists, audiologists, speech language pathologists and Developmental Pediatricians. I am sure others will have ideas of what to look for on the mental health side too, that area is less familiar to me, though I do have a child with attachment issues and due to your early chaos (don tmean that in any way as a criticism, it just is what happened, right?) he could have developed some inability to relate to others in a typical way. Some kids with attachment issues have "indiscriminate" attachment, will go to anyone and just dont see the difference between a trusted person and a stranger. (this also happens in autism though for some kids). If you are concerned about attachment and emotional issues, mood issues, etc... please find a very specialized therapist because those who do not get that early attachment thing and they can actually do more damage than help, they must work with YOU on his emotional stuff, I personally , given your history would not work with at therapist who wanted to work alone with him to do traditional play therapy and not have you involved. Just a heads up, you have to go with what feels right for you though, not my preferences, lol. Whatever choices you make, whatever you experience, please know that we are here for you. There is a lot of hope, you are very early into the game and already looking for help, BIG huge major factor for hope. Do you have other concerns for his development by the way? Is he in preschool or anything? In the USA, all children are entitled to a free developmental evaluation thru the public school system. so, if insurance and finanaces are problems, come back to us and we will (many of us here) chime in to help you thru that too. Many of us eventually do BOTH things. Private and school evaluations. [/QUOTE]
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My 3 year old son- oppositional defiant disorder and adhd
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