My 30 year old Daughter

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Toughlovemom, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

    I had to do this but feel horrible. I asked her to leave.
    When she was 20 I helped her get her own apartment. She was working as a CNA. High hopes for LPN, RN. I had a good job and would help her financially. I went to her apartment one evening and found a bunch of losers kicked them all out and told her as long as I am helping to support her I will not stand for the low life in the apartment. She then joined the army. Failed the designated graduation and finally graduated. On to IT wow hopeful. She got pregnant. She comes home and lives with her father about 35 miles from me. She lays around and has the baby. She is now a single mother with an interracial child. She did not have any income nor did the father want to help support his 8th child. Now I encouraged her to get a job. I offered her everything to make a life for her and her son. I bought her a car and helped support where i felt needed. She gets a job working as a cna in a upscale retirement home, which i work as well. She bounces between me and her father's house. I was closer to our work and would help with babysitting. One day I was walking down the hall and saw security walking her to the clinic, I panicked. I was asking what is wrong and everyone told me they could not answer. She told me so many stories but the rumor was she got busted for stealing medications. I was devastated! I wanted so bad to believe her. Well they went to court. She was prosecuted. She spent a weekend in jail and 3 years probation. My heart was broken. I think I cried the entire weekend. She gets out and lays around. She said she can not get a job with her back ground. Plays a victim for the next 6 years. Working jobs for a few months and always had some reason she just could not work there due to some type of harassment. Knowing that it would upset me someone would do that to my daughter. My marriage fell apart. I moved in with my mother for a short period. She came to. She continued with the same working schedule here there and no where. Money came up missing and I would confront her. I always heard I am your daughter, I would not do that, how can you say that. Scolded me for even thinking that. There were times she would insinuate her son, wow. I moved out of my mothers. She got a boyfriend. Things were moving on thought things were going great. Then she moves in with him. She calls me crying telling me her boyfriend doesn't like her interracial and has got to leave. She moves back in with my mother. Rekindles her relationship with prior boyfriend that is a known dealer but has stopped because her loves her and her son so much. They want to get their own place. They want to move forward in life. We say everyone deserves a second chance in life. We offer to help. We lend them $700 and I bought her a car to get to and from work. She had been visiting us and I would hide valuables that were in sight. One day I get a call she just had a baby. I saw her the night before. I did not know she was pregnant. She tells me she did not know she was pregnant.
    I so bad wanted to believe this. We all get together while she was in the hospital and get her newborn needs. His family, my family set them up. One problem the baby is white and her boyfriend is African American. They fall apart. She moves back in with her grandmother. The father of this child is the boyfriend that did not like her interracial son. The father is elated he has a beautiful son. He gets visitation. She rekindles with african american boyfriend. she gets pregnant. She moves back to her fathers house with her step mother that is a known pill head. The father of the baby boy she just has keeps the baby. She tells us she is bed ridden and can not care for him. She then has the 3rd child. I have been begging for her oldest son to come live with me. He has never had a stable home with her only me. I wanted to give him a chance in life. I went to sheriffs office they said they can not help me. I rekindled the relationship hoping to have my grandson back. She gets a job with a temp agency and needs a place to stay. My new husband and I have decided to help.
    As long as you are working, giving money $100 a week. The money is a fund to file your bankruptcy, dental work, tires for your car. As long as nothing comes up missing and you are moving forward.
    If money comes up missing, if you do not do what we have asked of you, you must go. This is your last chance. I can do this again.
    We got a promise and everything to go with it.
    Third weekend in, my work money bag with $150 is missing and my grandson (her son) savings we kept in a jar with his name and car fund written on it is gone.
    Now she is gone. When we confronted her she said the same thing. I would not do that to you. I asked her to leave and she ran out with the shirt on her back and her baby. She did not even take things for the baby.
    I have cried and prayed. Now I am telling you my nightmare.
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Welcome, TLmom

    Did she just leave today?

    She took the baby, but where is the oldest grandson?

    If she has left him with you and doesn't return for him, you may need to file for temporary custody.

    I think you have now realized that there is nothing you can do to help her. She is probably taking some type of drugs, considering at least one of her former boyfriends is a dealer (and probably a user, also).

    Don't worry, she probably is at a friend's house, or an old boyfriend's house.

    I wouldn't let her come back to live. Too much chaos.
  3. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

    She left tuesday night. The oldest is staying with her boyfriend that is the father of her last child. He is on disability. He is the one that was the dealer. She can not live there because his ex still has ties. So messed up. My heart is so broken. I can not focus on anything.
  4. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that your grandchildren are in this predicament, but there is nothing you can do about it, unless you think they are being neglected or are in danger.

    What are you planning to do, if and when your daughter returns to your house? Eventually, she will.

    Have a plan of action. I would not recommend allowing her back into your house.

    Have you read the article on detachment? It is at the top of the Parents Emeritus board.
  6. Toughlovemom

    Toughlovemom New Member

    Thank you for your kind words.
    My grandchildren I pray are not in harms way. My oldest is ten. I have been able to talk to him about what he would need to do if he needs help. She has not let me see him for about a month. He was living with her boyfriend. I begged her to let me give him a stable home. As for the newborn her father takes care of her. I do not condone the living situation but I am unable to care for an infant. Cps could decide that one day I suppose.
    As for her living with me again, never. I did let her know this when she came in. I did state this is your last chance.
    I did read most of detachment. I will use this tool. I greatly appreciate this site. Our Hearts have all been broken. I truly feel this site has made me stronger.
    I discussed this site with my husband. I told him as I was typing my story lights kept coming on. How she was always a victim. This would always make me weak. Now I no longer will get weak. Her story is the same thing for the last 10 years. Putting it in words on your site, reading the stories on this site, has giving me peace. I rested well last night.
    Thank you all for sharing and caring. It does make a difference. God Bless
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    He, TLmom,

    How are you doing today?

    Has your daughter returned for the baby's things yet?

    Stay with us, it helps.