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My 31 year old son feels entitled and expects to be taken care of
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 570796" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Welcome Jadeland <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>He could have an undiagnosed issue. It could be drugs or alcohol. It could be sheer laziness. And yes, perfectly good parents can find themselves with an utterly lazy kid and wonder what the heck happened when their siblings are just fine. It's because we don't control our kids, we raise them. Once they reach adulthood it's on their shoulders to take life by the horns and live it. You can't force them to do so. You can't convince them to do so. They have to want to do so. If your son needs help of some kind, the same thing applies. He has to want the help and seek it out. You can't do it for him, you can't force it upon him. </p><p></p><p>Sounds like he is finally running out of options, which oddly is a good thing. Time for him to grow up and learn to stand on his own. 31 is a rough age to be learning to do that but hey that was his decision not yours. </p><p></p><p>That you have other well functioning adult children should be enough to prevent you from doubting your parenting. Don't buy into the guilt trip. It's just manipulation to get you to do what he wants. You've done your job. This is the time in life when you're supposed to shift focus back onto yourself and other things, not try to drag a 31 yr old man kicking and screaming into adulthood. </p><p></p><p>If he can't be respectful, limit contact. If he is rude on the phone simply hang up. (enough of this and they get the idea) If he is rude in person, make him leave. When he whines that you should be helping him tell him to man up and help himself. I don't mind helping out my grown kids, but I'd better see that they're doing something to also help themselves. Your obligation to him officially ended on his 18th birthday. It might sound cold but it is the truth and sometimes as parents we need to remind ourselves of that. </p><p></p><p>It's not you Jade. It's him. He has to want to make the right choices and do the right things. </p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 570796, member: 84"] Welcome Jadeland :) He could have an undiagnosed issue. It could be drugs or alcohol. It could be sheer laziness. And yes, perfectly good parents can find themselves with an utterly lazy kid and wonder what the heck happened when their siblings are just fine. It's because we don't control our kids, we raise them. Once they reach adulthood it's on their shoulders to take life by the horns and live it. You can't force them to do so. You can't convince them to do so. They have to want to do so. If your son needs help of some kind, the same thing applies. He has to want the help and seek it out. You can't do it for him, you can't force it upon him. Sounds like he is finally running out of options, which oddly is a good thing. Time for him to grow up and learn to stand on his own. 31 is a rough age to be learning to do that but hey that was his decision not yours. That you have other well functioning adult children should be enough to prevent you from doubting your parenting. Don't buy into the guilt trip. It's just manipulation to get you to do what he wants. You've done your job. This is the time in life when you're supposed to shift focus back onto yourself and other things, not try to drag a 31 yr old man kicking and screaming into adulthood. If he can't be respectful, limit contact. If he is rude on the phone simply hang up. (enough of this and they get the idea) If he is rude in person, make him leave. When he whines that you should be helping him tell him to man up and help himself. I don't mind helping out my grown kids, but I'd better see that they're doing something to also help themselves. Your obligation to him officially ended on his 18th birthday. It might sound cold but it is the truth and sometimes as parents we need to remind ourselves of that. It's not you Jade. It's him. He has to want to make the right choices and do the right things. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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My 31 year old son feels entitled and expects to be taken care of
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