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My 40 year Old Daughter stole 10's of Thousands from me - what I did and where I am now
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 635614" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>So I have been on somewhat of a roller coaster with difficult child - but she has been wearing her "loving and concerned daughter" mask since we have been talking aprox. 1 year. In that time I did not bring up the theft of funds. I would like to explain that unlike Jeanne CA who posted, this was not our life savings, it was my share of money that difficult child cheated me out of when we had a business together - we went to a lawyer and were advised that since I gave her majority of the stock she could basically do whatever she wanted including cutting me out of my share of the profits. Which she did through lavish spending until she was forced to close down the business because with her lifestyle the company could not afford her (LOL?) She also was stuck with all the debt she created because under advice from our lawyer we disengaged from the company so that we would not face the financial consequences of her actions. Plus we did not create the debt - she did to continue living way above her means. </p><p></p><p>It's not quite honest to say that this has devastated me - nothing my difficult child can do can either surprise me or devastate me again. I have come too far. What it has done, spending time with her, after more than 4 years of no contact is remind me - she is what she is. Nothing I can do will change that. Because my physical condition is deteriorating I was hoping against hope that she had changed so I kind of set a trap. I got along just fine with her without mentioning this money. I listened (rolled my eyes a lot) but I did not "buy in" I did not invest myself so emotionally that I felt entrapped. Bringing up the money situation took me back to a time and place that was so painful to remember - because she did not know I was laying a trap to see if she would be honest and say "hey I really screwed that up" or watch the horror show of the really UGLY person under the mask which is what I have been doing for the past couple of weeks. </p><p></p><p>It is back to the cursing, the ranting, the raving, the lying and the revising of history. What a jerk I am for accusing her of such a thing; we have the documentation - but I swear if I didn't she maybe could convince me - she is that "good" What an ******* I am for accusing her of stealing from her own mother (which she did do) What an awful person I am for saying these kinds of things blah, blah, blah.</p><p></p><p>I am going back to therapy - but not this time for difficult child's sake but to learn how to cope on my own needs of dealing with Chronic Pain (no opiates) which amazingly enough I have been able to push forward for myself despite difficult child wanting to pull me into "it's all about me" and the drama that comes out of dealing with a disordered person.</p><p></p><p>I have been reading the stories posted here and I sure do hope for some better outcomes than I have had. It is so sad that we, the "normals" have to be pushed around, browbeaten and hurt in so many ways by people we love. It also occurred to me that many of you are very much doing what I used to do: trying to make sense out of nonsense. A disordered person wants to win. They want to win if it means they are homeless because they "win" by being able to point out to anyone who is willing to listen "look what bad parents I have, I am homeless" (the nonsense) as if it was a badge of honor. They sleep with the most vile of people as a slap in the face to the morals and values we have given them. Everything you interact with them in is a game of win or lose - always having to win. They believe they are better to you (again the nonsense) even while they lie, cheat and steal. And with that we give them our own power over us. The power that we believe in the good in all people is actually a weapon used against us. I have found, for myself, that <em>I cannot</em> win <em>for myself when I refuse to look at the truth in the mirror. </em>The truth is my child is so broken I cannot fix her.<em> To have a relationship with her is always going to hurt me. </em></p><p></p><p>Put a lock on your credit - most states allow you to do this at minimal costs<em> - </em>you do not have to pay a monthly fee to do this.</p><p>We paid $45 for a one time fee and now we have a pin number we keep in our safety deposit box so NO ONE can open credit in our name. Do not trust the untrustworthy, or wait until something happens to protect yourself.</p><p></p><p>Plan your retirement FIRST! If you spend all your money on someone who is untrustworthy who will help you when you hit retirement?</p><p></p><p>Have a plan for when you need it and face the facts that your disordered difficult child is not capable of making decisions for you and should NEVER be trusted to do so.</p><p></p><p>These things I am referring to I am applying to people with personality disorders. No person can change their personality. So what you have you are stuck with. I really don't have answers for the people with difficult children that have mental health issues or addiction issues, however I will say if the outcome looks the same - things are never going to change - then just for the today you can take a stand for yourself and say NO. We, here on this board, share issues of dealing with people that are seriously mentally ill and we must take care of ourselves first. Once our children our grown we have no more say in what they do, don't do, we can only really live our own lives. That's it, we can only really live A LIFE for ourselves. I have been sucked in over and over on this same dramas/different issues, but in the end this, for me, is the truth.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 635614, member: 18366"] So I have been on somewhat of a roller coaster with difficult child - but she has been wearing her "loving and concerned daughter" mask since we have been talking aprox. 1 year. In that time I did not bring up the theft of funds. I would like to explain that unlike Jeanne CA who posted, this was not our life savings, it was my share of money that difficult child cheated me out of when we had a business together - we went to a lawyer and were advised that since I gave her majority of the stock she could basically do whatever she wanted including cutting me out of my share of the profits. Which she did through lavish spending until she was forced to close down the business because with her lifestyle the company could not afford her (LOL?) She also was stuck with all the debt she created because under advice from our lawyer we disengaged from the company so that we would not face the financial consequences of her actions. Plus we did not create the debt - she did to continue living way above her means. It's not quite honest to say that this has devastated me - nothing my difficult child can do can either surprise me or devastate me again. I have come too far. What it has done, spending time with her, after more than 4 years of no contact is remind me - she is what she is. Nothing I can do will change that. Because my physical condition is deteriorating I was hoping against hope that she had changed so I kind of set a trap. I got along just fine with her without mentioning this money. I listened (rolled my eyes a lot) but I did not "buy in" I did not invest myself so emotionally that I felt entrapped. Bringing up the money situation took me back to a time and place that was so painful to remember - because she did not know I was laying a trap to see if she would be honest and say "hey I really screwed that up" or watch the horror show of the really UGLY person under the mask which is what I have been doing for the past couple of weeks. It is back to the cursing, the ranting, the raving, the lying and the revising of history. What a jerk I am for accusing her of such a thing; we have the documentation - but I swear if I didn't she maybe could convince me - she is that "good" What an ******* I am for accusing her of stealing from her own mother (which she did do) What an awful person I am for saying these kinds of things blah, blah, blah. I am going back to therapy - but not this time for difficult child's sake but to learn how to cope on my own needs of dealing with Chronic Pain (no opiates) which amazingly enough I have been able to push forward for myself despite difficult child wanting to pull me into "it's all about me" and the drama that comes out of dealing with a disordered person. I have been reading the stories posted here and I sure do hope for some better outcomes than I have had. It is so sad that we, the "normals" have to be pushed around, browbeaten and hurt in so many ways by people we love. It also occurred to me that many of you are very much doing what I used to do: trying to make sense out of nonsense. A disordered person wants to win. They want to win if it means they are homeless because they "win" by being able to point out to anyone who is willing to listen "look what bad parents I have, I am homeless" (the nonsense) as if it was a badge of honor. They sleep with the most vile of people as a slap in the face to the morals and values we have given them. Everything you interact with them in is a game of win or lose - always having to win. They believe they are better to you (again the nonsense) even while they lie, cheat and steal. And with that we give them our own power over us. The power that we believe in the good in all people is actually a weapon used against us. I have found, for myself, that [I]I cannot[/I] win [I]for myself when I refuse to look at the truth in the mirror. [/I]The truth is my child is so broken I cannot fix her.[I] To have a relationship with her is always going to hurt me. [/I] Put a lock on your credit - most states allow you to do this at minimal costs[I] - [/I]you do not have to pay a monthly fee to do this. We paid $45 for a one time fee and now we have a pin number we keep in our safety deposit box so NO ONE can open credit in our name. Do not trust the untrustworthy, or wait until something happens to protect yourself. Plan your retirement FIRST! If you spend all your money on someone who is untrustworthy who will help you when you hit retirement? Have a plan for when you need it and face the facts that your disordered difficult child is not capable of making decisions for you and should NEVER be trusted to do so. These things I am referring to I am applying to people with personality disorders. No person can change their personality. So what you have you are stuck with. I really don't have answers for the people with difficult children that have mental health issues or addiction issues, however I will say if the outcome looks the same - things are never going to change - then just for the today you can take a stand for yourself and say NO. We, here on this board, share issues of dealing with people that are seriously mentally ill and we must take care of ourselves first. Once our children our grown we have no more say in what they do, don't do, we can only really live our own lives. That's it, we can only really live A LIFE for ourselves. I have been sucked in over and over on this same dramas/different issues, but in the end this, for me, is the truth. [/QUOTE]
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My 40 year Old Daughter stole 10's of Thousands from me - what I did and where I am now
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