My 5 Year Old Has Aspergers and ADHD

[tammyjh]

Another good book on Asperger's is
The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Atwood.
I must say that Tony is awesome! We've been to a few of his conferences and he's so informative and such a great interpreter for individuals with Asperger's Syndrome.

My daughter is similar. She's 14 now but is still very concrete. For her, its either black or white...no in betweens. If I call the van a car, she tells me I am lying. I have had many situations with her that are similar to the one you describe about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Sharing is hard for her and I think part of it is the concept of understanding that they aren't giving the object away for good and that the other person will give it back. Since the concept is hard to grasp, it causes them loads of anxiety and then the meltdown. My daughter has actually gotten better with this over time but if her mood is off, she can't handle sharing or letting anyone borrow anything. She's also likely to march to her sisters room and demand back the item she willingly shared just 2 minutes before. In her eyes, the object is "hers" and no one elses. And if it is hers and no one elses, why should she let someone else use it? At least thats how I read her. I think getting the movie back was a good thing and it may be beneficial to have some practice runs with sharing where someone will "borrow" something but only keep it for a few minutes and bring it back. Then repeat it over and over and start extending the time the object is away from her as she gets used to it being out of sight.

 

[Marguerite]

Janna, to clarify - the diagnosis may change but how the child IS does not change. This means that if the child is seen at age 3 and given a diagnosis of Y Disease, then seen by someone else at age 10 and given a diagnosis of X Syndrome and definitely not Y Disease, t his doesn't mean the child has changed. It just means that inexact medical science did the best job it could and maybe came close, but didn't quite get it right. Coming close can mean the child gets some help in the appropriate range which can be better than nothing at all; it can also mean getting it badly wrong.

Example: "Life Behind Glass" was written by Wendy Lawson, now diagnosed as Asperger's. When she was 19 a psychiatrist asked her, "Do you hear voices?"
She replied, "Of course I do!"
She was at that point institutionalised for a number of years with a diagnosis of schizophrenia.
If the psychiatrist had probed a little further, he would have realised he had asked her a very stupid question, in her mind. because of course we HEAR voices, we don't SEE them, do we? The literal-minded Aspie had answered the question correctly but as a result of the psychiatrist misinterpreting her answer, she had a wrong diagnosis for ten years.

Wendy Lawson did not begin as someone with schizophrenia and then have her disability change to Asperger's. What happened was medical science got it wrong to begin with.

Janna, I think that is what has happened with Dylan.

My concern about "losing the diagnosis" is when someone comes along and sees a kid like difficult child 3, for example. His former school counsellor was a classic case - he looked out into the playground and saw difficult child 3 blending in (because they were all in the same uniform, he was hard to pick out) and he seemed to be not looking too different. her response was, "Isn't it great, his language delay is gone, he's caught up with his language performance, he's getting good marks in his tests, it's wonderful to see he's no longer autistic!"
Someone like that has the power to formally say, "he is no longer autistic," and use that to justify removing all support. The reality is far different - difficult child 3 was born autistic, he will always be autistic. BUT - through a lot of amazing effort, not least his own ongoing hard work, he is able to APPEAR to be fairly normal and he is functioning well. But there will be times when for various reasons his ability to cope goes out the window; then we will see the now-suppressed autism signs return, until his coping ability once more reasserts itself. difficult child 3 himself described this when he was 8 as "pretending to be normal." For him to lose the diagnosis would be cruel and unfair. His autism is a part of who he is.
If at some future stage some researcher (such as Tony Attwood, for example) comes along and defines sub-categories of autism more specifically, assesses difficult child 3 in detail including looking back over his history and then declares that instead of being in the category of high-functioning autistic, difficult child 3 is now in the newly defined category of, say, Attwood's Syndrome (described as a variant of high-functioning autism where they adapt to the point of seeming normal) then this wouldn't be either losing the diagnosis or changing the diagnosis, it would be REFINING the diagnosis.

A change in diagnosis would be if someone came along and said, "difficult child 3 never was autistic, in reality he has epilepsy, always has." Or maybe, "He used to be autistic, now the autism has morphed into hydrocephalus."
All ludicrous statements, by the way! At least in my examples.

When a kid is very young, it's hard to get it right with some disorders. But when the kid is older, it's easier for an especially bright kid to mask some symptoms, so either way it's not always easy for doctors to get it right.

We are what we are. Or as Popeye said, "I yam what I yam." And this is a wonderful thing.

Marg

 

[BellyKate]

I'm feeling at the end of my tether.

I've had another whole day of it. It started this morning when I said "good morning" to her. She kicked me in the back. (She comes into my bed in the middle of the night).

The day ended with things being thrown at me, her running around outside the house screaming "you stupid ugly woman". When she did come in, she kicked me and I now have another toe nail half missing. Leading up to this, when I tried to do a basket B solution with her, she put her fingers in her ears and screamed "I'm just going to do what I want". Once again it was to do with the 2 older girls from our street. She was yelling at them and terrorising them, I told her they would have to go home if she kept it up. These 2 girls are the shyer, quiet types (at least, they are when they are here). My daughter is THE BOSS. I ended up sending them home because she was hysterical and threatening everyone.

Anyway, that's partly what happened leading up to the major meltdown.

I am angry and my batteries are low. I'm dreading going away for X-Mas. We're going to my grandmother's ~ all the family will be there, loads of us. There will be lots of stimulation and she is the youngest of the cousins; I am dreading her bedtime up there since she will be going to bed earlier than the older cousins. She won't go to bed. I am dreading the whole damn thing now. I've lost my confidence and I feel completely depressed.

 

[Marguerite]

Sending the girls home was the right thing to do. If you can, don't engage her when this happens. Drop back from Basket B to Basket C, in other words.

This is not easy and it is going to take time. I wish I had more to reassure you with. And you are right to be anxious about Christmas - she will be away from her comfort zone, she will be surrounded by stimulation and distraction.

About bedtime - while a routine is a good thing, if there are battles over it, especially when the routine is disrupted, you might need to relax things. But if you already have a routine that works, you can TRY and adapt it.

Does she read at all? For difficult child 3, reading is important. It's also been important for difficult child 1, in his routine as he was growing up. Within the autism label they each have different dysfunctions. difficult child 1 has great difficulty multitasking, especially if it involves trying to remember a series of tasks or a sequence of steps. So we wrote it down for him on a small blackboard we have. The blackboard is not a discipline thing, it's an aid. So for example, we would get difficult child 1 to pack his own things for a trip, by writing out the list. If she is not reading, then draw pictures beside the words, but do use the written words too so there is a connectedness for her. And maybe suggest she collect her things while you are doing yours - that way she is doing a grownup thing. If she won't, then skip it. Pack her things later. But giving her a list may make it easier for her to pack the right things and not get too upset when you don't take absolutely everything of hers.

Choices work better than ultimatums. Also, if it is possible to talk to hr when she's calm, about what she would like to do to try to calm down next time she is upset - it might help. I don't know if she has the maturity for this yet. We used to send the boys to their room (not at the same time). They learned that being sent to their room was not a punishment, it was a cooling off space. But difficult child 3 was never as good with this as the other kids, who would sometimes storm off mid-tantrum and put themselves in their rooms!

difficult child 1 would go climb a tree when he was upset. Or I would send him outside to cool off. Putting them in a bath also worked, especially for easy child 2/difficult child 2 and difficult child 2, because water has always calmed them. difficult child 3 also calms down when given a small bubble blower (like those $1 ones sold in discount shops, or the ones they hand out at weddings). I used to collect these and top them up with slightly watered down dishwashing liquid. We also got a bucket with a large bubble wand (the ones sold for about $5 at school fetes, etc). We kept the bucket full of bubble mix - mostly water with about quarter cup of dishwashing liquid, mixed together gently. It takes about fifteen minutes to mix it properly, the first bubbles will be too weak. But don't be tempted to add more detergent until the bubbles are consistently still weak after 10-15 minutes. You should see them get stronger - once they are constant and still weak, add more. A teaspoon of glycerine makes the bubbles last longer.
We used to send difficult child 3 outside to make bubbles - you wave the wand around gently and the wind does the rest.
If you can't afford/don't have a bubble wand, make one out of a wire coathanger, just bend it into a circle. Not as good, but it still works.

At this early stage, you're in Aim No 1 - keep her calm, or defuse a rage. If having the neighbour girls visit is triggering a meltdown (and it does seem to be a link) then keep their visits either shorter, or restrict them entirely. Sending them home while things are still nice is the aim, because their visits will then be entirely positive. Or maybe limit the visit to one at a time, not on the same day.

At home, with you, in her routine (and whether you realise it or not, she does have one) can be the stable starting point.

This is a horrible time of year anyway; it's even worse to try and introduce something new. It will make it slower, and over Christmas with other relatives each putting in their oar could make you feel even less confident in your abilities. Be forewarned.

When you get to where you are staying, maybe the first thing to do is help her set up her refuge. She needs to be introduced to a place where she can go to be alone and try to get away from whatever is upsetting her (and things will upset her). Call it her "safe place" or whatever you think she will accept. "Personal space" maybe, because then you can justify having your own "personal space" she is not permitted to invade while raging. Whenever we're away, we try to make difficult child 3's "personal space" the place where he will be sleeping. This isn't always possible if you will be sleeping in a motel, say, but spending the days at someone's home. You need a space in any place you are spending time, so a personal space in the motel as well as in the person's home is going to be needed.
One personal space option can be the toilet, if it's not part of the bathroom, or the only one. The back porch; the front porch; the back fence; an empty bedroom. Make sure there is nothing she is likely to damage, and something she can cuddle or scream into. difficult child 3's fetish for towels - we would make sure there was a towel there that he could hold.
Sometimes we made our car the 'safe place', as long as it wasn't parked in the sun, of course!

As things are at the moment, she is attacking you when upset and not going off alone. This is a big worry, as well as emotionally and physically exhausting for you. Maybe your first Basket B item can be teaching her to use a 'personal space'?

Reward is good. The trouble is, I can hear you say - first she's got to do something good to justify reward! But rewards can be tiny, and given purely for the brief moments of silence between screaming breaths, if necessary. (well, maybe that's a bit extreme).
If I'm having a bad day with difficult child 3 (and we sure do have 'em, especially if he's been repeatedly aggravated by people or circumstances beyond our control) then as far as possible, I ignore and don't engage. I use hand signals - a hand held up plus the word "Stop!" or "Enough!" although this took time and a lot of patience to learn. He also needed to know that I would let him say what he wanted to say - he can't be interrupted or hurried, it triggers a rage (triggers rage in easy child 2/difficult child 2, as well, and she's an adult - technically).
difficult child 3's bad day - I wait for the first opportunity to say, "Thank you," to him. It might be, "Thank you for waiting for me," or "Thank you for listening," or "Thank you for sitting quietly for a few minutes, it gave me time to think about what we will have for lunch."
Even if I get a grumpy response along the lines of, "I wasn't meaning to be good; if I'd realised I was doing something you were happy with, I'd have been mean just to make you unhappy," I still say calmly, "It doesn't matter to me why. I'm still saying thank you. I appreciated it, even if it was by accident."

You need to look for opportunities to catch her out being good (or not being horrible) and praise her for them. Don't overdo it - she will recognise insincerity and resent it. You need to become a method actress and for the moment you say it, really mean it.

It is amazing how this can snowball. It starts off with you wracking your brain, trying to find something, anything, to praise her for. Then you learn what to look for at about the same time she realises she likes your approval far more than she values the outcomes of her tantrums.

A tantrum can get you what you want. It can have a positive payoff. But it has a down-side - you wear yourself out, you have a lot of adrenalin zinging through your body and making you feel hot, bothered and anxious, and the post-tantrum let-down is depression. Sometimes quite a deep depression, even if it's only for half an hour or so. What you are trying to balance here, is the outcome of her getting her own way as the result of a tantrum, and the outcome of her feeling a bit better about herself because you found something to praise her for.

She needs to be calm enough after a successful praise encounter, to be able to work out for herself what is happening and how she feels. Again, this takes time and opportunity. And you can't force anything. You just have to, for a while, let her set the pace. For a little while at least, allow her to make her own choices as far as you can, as long as she is safe and isn't destroying things. And as she is doing this, watch her and try to get inside her head. If you're looking for an opportunity to praise, watching her and thinking will be easier anyway.

Sorry to be so pessimistic, but I don't want you to take things personally over Christmas if things are rough. And if things go better than expected - great!

Basically, aim for lots of brief, small, successes rather than one long disaster triggering another. Short encounters, lots of down-time (for both of you if possible) and plenty of rest for both of you is the prescription. Try to avoid controlling her unless absolutely necessary for her immediate safety or something else equally important. Make sure you both get plenty of sleep and don't let her get too hungry or thirsty - she will be more pliable when rested and fed.

After Christmas, something to consider - sometimes certain foods, additives etc can trigger worsening behaviour. Don't worry about it now, but if you think you observe something over the next few days/weeks as you are making your notes on her, then jot that down too. It could be useful information later on.
For example, we know that caffeine makes both my boys a lot worse, especially difficult child 3. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was also affected but seems to have grown out of it. difficult child 1 still has a trace of a problem if he has too much caffeine. When we restricted caffeine, difficult child 3's behaviour improved a lot.
We did consider diet also with difficult child 3. For about 30% of kids on the spectrum, modifying the diet according to careful guidelines can bring about an improvement in a number of areas. Apart from caffeine, there was no benefit for difficult child 3 when we tried it. For more info, check out the Allergy Clinic at RPAH. Ann Swain and Rob Loblay.

You are going to have bad days. It happens to all of us. Don't feel you're a failure, from what you've told us so far I think you've got good instincts and are doing well, considering. This isn't so much about success/failure, as about trying to find the right key. You daughter is the locked door, you're standing at the door with a bunch of keys trying to find which one fits the lock. The door slams shut from the wind even after you open it, it's just a matter of practice and experience to help you learn which is the right key, and how to find it faster each time.

You're not a failure at all. Just busy. Tired. Challenged. Like all of us.

It does get better from here, especially after Christmas. Maybe even before?

Marg

 

[BellyKate]

Thank you. You're very encouraging. She's only just fallen asleep.

Bedtime has always been our best routine. Shower, dinner, teeth, stories, sleep. Most of the time it has been smooth for the last 2 years. But in the last few months she has had a lot of trouble going to sleep. Her sleep time has always been my quiet time to recover from the day with her. So, it has been very challenging when she is still awake hours after bedtime.

Anytime the girls are sent home (even times we agree on when the girls first arrive) she has a meltdown. She craves time with other kids. She talks about it non-stop, asks constantly to have friends over, waits for the girls down the street to get home. Begs. But more and more I am coming to the conclusion that we can't have them over for a while. Every time they go I am left with an atomic meltdown. And that is with me giving her advance warning "10 minutes until the girls have to go", and she replies "ok mother". 5 mins to go and she is still ok with it. When it's time for them to go... KABOOM ! After this afternoon I have told her she can't play with them for the rest of the week.

I have tried to teach her to go and punch a pillow when she is angry, instead of punching me. She remembers this when the computer makes her mad, but so far not when she is mad with me. I've tried to get her to go to a quiet place but she is too busy throwing things, threatening to kill me etc etc and it seems the window of opportunity between calm and chaos is so small, sometimes non-existent. Sending her to her room is like going into battle. She rarely goes willingly, which means I have to take her there and that is how come I am gradually losing toenails... she kicks (and always gets my toes) and bites and scratches and punches. I still do it though.

I need to praise her more. I used to be good at that ! She reminds me to do it. When she allows me to brush her teeth for a second she will say "that was good, hey mum". Teeth time is one of our worst times of the day. I've all but given up trying to get her to do it in the morning, but have recently discovered that if she isn't allowed anything with sugar in it because she won't clean her teeth, she may actually clean her teeth in the mornings.It's not a certainty though. Even if she promises she will clean her teeth tomorrow if she can have a treat, I still say no. Fallen for that one too many times. I make her wait until she actually has done it the next day.

Food. I've recently noticed some things make her more hyper and "crazy". Her sometimes treat after dinner was a small ice-cream with tiny M&M's on top, courtesy of the ice-cream van (I hate that van ! You can hear him coming for miles and she insists on waiting outside for him even if it's an hour... and he always comes at bedtime grrrrrr.), but I noticed it really makes her hyper and she couldn't sleep for hours after that. So, no more of those !

The other day she said to me that I am always saying no to her. She has said it before. I notice I do say no a lot. But then I thought about it, and I think it's mostly because of the things she is asking for. Wherever we go she wants me to buy her things from the shop we are in. ALWAYS. Not just one thing but a dozen things. And she is always asking constantly. Can I go play in the mud ? No, you just got out of the bath but you can do that in the morning. Can I go on-line (yes, already she's asking that because that's where the best ABC Kids games are)? Not just now, I'm on the phone (don't have broadband yet) and I won't be long .... MELTDOWN. Can we go to the pool ? It's 8pm and it's shut. I hope you get the idea from this. I don't usually say no to things that I can say yes to, if you know what I mean. And I usually explain or try to work out a compromise. And I also try not to say "no" in the sentence if I can help it. As soon as she wakes up, this kind of nagging thing starts up and doesn't stop until she sleeps. I always get this mental picture of her brain signals firing off all over the place, crazy darting thoughts and wants and needs. She talks non-stop.

Great idea about the packing. I usually get her to pack a bag of things she wants to take with her, but I think she would also love to help pack her clothes etc. You realise this will result in her packing 3 winter coats, uggs, 38 pairs of undies and all of her clothes that aren't hanging up lol.

I will also introduce the idea of a quiet, safe place for her while we are there. A few years ago, I read a book called The Spirited Child. From it I picked up a few things which worked surprisingly well. When I would notice her getting hyper and agitated I would ask if her head was feeling "fuzzy" or words to that effect. She knew instantly what I meant ! Together we worked out it helped her to go somewhere quiet when her head felt fuzzy. Sometimes it helped stop a meltdown, at the very least it made her feel understood.

The last few nights when the meltdowns have been big and long and horrible, I have lost my temper and smacked. I am anti-smacking ! It has scared me. I know there are people out there who say a good smack never hurt anyone, but I disagree. I won't go off on a long thing about that, but I will say that what scares me is the feeling I am experiencing before I smack. Complete rage and feeling out of control. Lashing out. Tonight, I felt so battered and like an animal pushed back into the corner of it's cage, I felt and still feel so angry and helpless and I'm supposed to be the bloody parent ! Anyway, I told her I had to leave her room because I needed to calm down. I also am experiencing so much remorse for losing my temper (not just in the last few nights), and guilt for not liking her very much.

Tomorrow I am ringing the psychiatric to ask him to recommend someone we can go and see. Our doctor suggested we do a mental health assessment so that we can get 12 free sessions with someone who can help direct me a bit. I feel like it would be hugely beneficial just to have someone to talk to, and also get some feedback, advice, reassurance etc. Feeling like a sinking ship. I need to somehow find a way back to having control of myself, and without seeming controlling, to get some control back of our situation.

I can't thank you enough for taking the time to be encouraging and offer so many good ideas. Thank you ! It means a lot.

 

[Marguerite]

You said, "You realise this will result in her packing 3 winter coats, uggs, 38 pairs of undies and all of her clothes that aren't hanging up lol."
That's why I suggest a written list, such as on a blackboard or a big sheet of paper blu-tacked up. Put the number of items on it as well. That is what has helped us such a lot.

You're already doing so many things right, it does sound like a lot of this is stemming from a combination of things, not the least of which is you being so tired right now. it's amazing what a difference it makes. You're already trying to say 'no' in a creative way.

When I suggested simply giving way for a while, this isn't so you just give up and let her run amok for no purpose - it's to break the current cycle of negativity and frustration. You need to be firm on some things, but you may need a brief holiday on some things. Cutting out the sugar if she's not cleaning her teeth is good. What about eating a raw carrot last thing at night? Then a drink of water, rinsing her mouth?

The teeth cleaning - we had fun with that for a while. Trying to use force for ANYTHING (including sending her to her room) - try to not do it. Soon you'll be engaging in one of those battles and she will be stronger than you and you will fail. That is to be avoided at all costs. Better to never engage, than to engage and lose.
Back to teeth cleaning - she needs to do this for herself. She could also have a problem with the toothpaste - I have to be VERY careful which toothpaste I buy, if I get it wrong I have easy child 2/difficult child 2 whining as well, plus refusal from her as well as difficult child 3 (although she's so obsessive she will now go out and buy her preferred brand if she has to).
Another issue - the feel of the brush. We went real soft for a while. Also what helped - cleaning teeth as a group. We use each other as mirrors. Compete maybe - "let's see who can clean each tooth five times while we watch each other." Teach her by your example, how to brush up and down with a flicking motion. Also take her to a dentist for a check-up, let the dentist show her how it should be done (warn the dentist ahead of time about her, but they ARE used to difficult kids). We found difficult child 1 took what the expert said really to heart and practised cleaning his teeth properly every night.
Another thing, and this also relates to the sensory problems - difficult child 3 was very fussy about the feel of the brush in his mouth. We tried to get him to use an electric toothbrush - they do a better job especially with recalcitrant kids - and he hated the vibration, it made him feel anxious. Then difficult child 1 called it "tickle teeth". difficult child 3 has always loved to be tickled; now he had found a way to tickle himself through the mouth, using the electric toothbrush. So every night instead of fighting, he would giggle his way through cleaning his teeth.

You could take her shopping for a special toothbrush, that might help. Let her choose the one she wants, it should encourage her to use it.

If possible, explain to her why it's needed. Again, the dentist is sometimes a better person for this job.

Things that will set her off - not being in control. Having someone else make all the decisions for her. Seeing something, wanting it desperately from that second, and not being allowed to have it (sorry - it's the remnant of the Terrible Twos in her).

With the internet access issue, get a clock face for her and turn the hands to the time when you will dial up the 'Net. While she is waiting, she can do off-line computer stuff. You will need to stick to the time, but it could help her wait. Make yourself wait too, if you need to, to show her that you don't have things all your own way either.

With the neighbour girls not coming over for a while - don't tell her. Simply saying to her as they go home, "That's the last you can play for a few days," will set her off. Just wait until next day when she asks for them to play (which she will, whether you told her or not that you were taking a break) and THEN say, "I thought that today we would go play in the park instead." You could go alone and it's hopefully enough of a distraction. Or maybe she might be able to play nicely on neutral ground such as the park. Or you could try allowing ONE girl over at a time. I'm sure the girls will understand the need to take turns with play, if that is possible.

Another important thing - when you DO allow the girls to come back, make sure the play is organised and directed. Unstructured play is a common trigger. It's fairly easy to structure it by setting up a board game maybe, or a cooking session in the kitchen (icing arrowroot biscuits is easy and fun, you can buy those tubes of coloured icing and pipe right from the tubes). Or making shaped biscuits, or using a cookie press. All sorts of things. A salad with funny faces made from bits of carrot, sprouts for hair, that sort of thing. Slice of bread pizza which they assemble themselves from ingredients you've laid out; then you bake them and they get to eat their craft. Or watching a movie with lots of popcorn to eat. Or do this sort of thing with just you guys. You probably need to have fun together, just the two of you.

Structured play, with a time limit (the girls go home when the movie finishes, with promises to invite them back next day so she has the anticipation). You could even walk the girls home and continue with another longer walk with her, perhaps to count letterboxes or cars or anything you can. A nature walk where you pick different weeds and put them in a vase when you get home - again, structure but with flexibility built in so if she says, "I want to look at this flower a bit longer," you can both squat down in the gutter and look at it together for as long as she wants (within reason - you don't want to be there at 10 pm).

Doing a lot of this will mean putting YOUR tasks on hold for a while, but the effort is worth it when she begins to relax and realise you're not the ogre out to spoil her fun.

I'm up a lot later than I should be, I'll be late checking in tomorrow, probably not until lunchtime (EST Australia). Maybe a bit before - I promised difficult child 3 we'd have a go baking a pie. He likes to play with the dough. It's not a usual thing for us, but aI think it's time he had another fun cooking lesson.

All the best with this. Chin up.

Marg

 

[BellyKate]

Thanks heaps, Marg. I woke up feeling quite a lot better, despite not getting enough sleep. The little angel is still asleep ~ this is the third day in a row she has slept so long, unheard of ! Normally, she always wakes very early, no matter what. It's great that she is getting the sleep... she still seems tired and grumpy during the day though.

I've made lots of notes from things you've posted to me, and my own thoughts and ideas. I bought a journal so it can all be in the one place. I'm feeling quite optimistic ... or at least, am thinking positive thoughts hehe.

I'm going to get The Explosive Child from the library again, hopefully it is there, I want to take it away with me. I'm also going to call Angus and Robertson and see if they can get a copy in. I'm going to phone the psychiatric today too.

Today is going to be a major Basket C day. I'm ready.

Laughing now. She just came out and I said "hey there, good morning". She stormed past me with her chin jutting out, and a Bratzesque "Hmmmph!". I have to laugh. I ignored it and then she asked if she could ring Nanny and Pop. I said yes, let me just send this message and I'll get off-line. She said "thanks, mummy, I'll watch tv while I wait". I'm praising, praising, praising... and she's beaming .

I'll be back later on. Thanks again, Marg.

And a late thanks to Tammyjh, way up there at the top of the page. The psychiatric recommended the Tony Atwood book, so, it's on my list to order in at the book shop. Thanks for your encouragement.

 

[Marguerite]

I'll PM my review of the book. Print that and take it with you to show relatives and maybe as a refresher. My review is of the first edition, later editions have superceded it, but it's a start.

Sounds like you're off to a good start today.

The diary - I keep mine on the computer. Whatever works for you. But a strong recommendation - plan to have what I call a Communication Book travel in her schoolbag next year. I used to write in it the sort of thing you just wrote, "she slept a lot better, still a bit grumpy on waking but waited patiently. Using praise seems to be helping." If she has a bad start to the day, the Communication Book can give the teacher a heads up.
The teacher can then write about any issues, or mention positives too. It saves daily classroom steps conferences. If she's had a bad day at school the last thing the teacher will be wanting, will be to be at work one second longer than necessary! The book makes it possible for the teacher to head out the door with the school bell, home to get a stiff drink.

I also found it gave a lot more immediacy to any problem, putting my info and the teacher's observations together helped us solve some puzzles more quickly. We found patterns faster.

I used to type my comments into a single document then temporarily put it on a new page so I could print out just that day's entry. I would then cut it out and stickytape it into an exercise book with "Communication Book for difficult child 3" on the cover (with a plastic clear cover to protect it). As a result, I still have everything on file on the computer, a good thing when books go missing (which they do - a difficult child is involved!)

Have a good holiday. I hope she manages OK. You, too.

Marg

 

[BellyKate]

Thanks again, Marg.

Just wanted to wish you and everyone else a very happy Christmas with their families.

It's been really great to come to this place for some sanity. And I'm sure I'll be back after we get home from our holiday !