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My 84-yr-old cousin's dementia is getting worse
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 548960" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Janet, you made me laugh!</p><p>Still, it's got such poignancy...</p><p></p><p>DDD, speaking of supportive families, husband and I got into a fight last night. Just before we went to bed (poor timing on my part) I said, "P told me today that her brother died six months ago." (He died 30 yrs ago.) husband said something like, "You have got to let go of that. I see crazy people all day and I just have to let it go. It's in the past."</p><p>I said, "I just saw her today! Fine. I won't tell you anything else about her until the day she dies."</p><p></p><p>He blew up and said that was mean, and I should apologize. I told him no, I will not, because he has no clue as to the connection between P and me, and him and his pts. NO comparison. He also said that the reason I had hired Visiting Angels and placed P in assisted living was so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. Huh? I did those things because they are supports that she needs. If I didn't want to deal with-her, I would have never moved her to VA, and I would have changed my ph #. He is so clueless.</p><p></p><p>I also told him that if he had simply said something like, "I'm sorry to hear that. I know it bothers you," it would have been enough. But not only was he not supportive, he made the whole thing about him and how *I'm* being mean to him.</p><p></p><p>He said it was ruining our relationship and we can't have it in our house with-the other issues with-difficult child. </p><p>Ooookay. I said that's why I said I won't tell you anything about her any more. </p><p>He explained that it was the way I said it and the definite, decisiveness that he was talking about.</p><p></p><p>We finally reached a semi-agreement before we went to sleep but I learned my lesson. 1) never make a statement about P or difficult child before bed; 2) do not expect husband to be supportive of anything regarding P (this is long-standing and I have not typed a lot about it here; he just tolerates stuff but is not overtly supportive). </p><p></p><p>It is so hard, because it really does bother me. At this point, I'm closest to her caregiver, and we text one another about issues, and then husband wants to know why I'm texting at night and talking to S when she's supposed to take over with-P and get her off my mind.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 548960, member: 3419"] Janet, you made me laugh! Still, it's got such poignancy... DDD, speaking of supportive families, husband and I got into a fight last night. Just before we went to bed (poor timing on my part) I said, "P told me today that her brother died six months ago." (He died 30 yrs ago.) husband said something like, "You have got to let go of that. I see crazy people all day and I just have to let it go. It's in the past." I said, "I just saw her today! Fine. I won't tell you anything else about her until the day she dies." He blew up and said that was mean, and I should apologize. I told him no, I will not, because he has no clue as to the connection between P and me, and him and his pts. NO comparison. He also said that the reason I had hired Visiting Angels and placed P in assisted living was so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. Huh? I did those things because they are supports that she needs. If I didn't want to deal with-her, I would have never moved her to VA, and I would have changed my ph #. He is so clueless. I also told him that if he had simply said something like, "I'm sorry to hear that. I know it bothers you," it would have been enough. But not only was he not supportive, he made the whole thing about him and how *I'm* being mean to him. He said it was ruining our relationship and we can't have it in our house with-the other issues with-difficult child. Ooookay. I said that's why I said I won't tell you anything about her any more. He explained that it was the way I said it and the definite, decisiveness that he was talking about. We finally reached a semi-agreement before we went to sleep but I learned my lesson. 1) never make a statement about P or difficult child before bed; 2) do not expect husband to be supportive of anything regarding P (this is long-standing and I have not typed a lot about it here; he just tolerates stuff but is not overtly supportive). It is so hard, because it really does bother me. At this point, I'm closest to her caregiver, and we text one another about issues, and then husband wants to know why I'm texting at night and talking to S when she's supposed to take over with-P and get her off my mind. [/QUOTE]
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My 84-yr-old cousin's dementia is getting worse
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