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My 84-yr-old cousin's dementia is getting worse
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 549375" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>That is really hard for the caregiver, Terry. My good friend from home recently had to put her husband in a home with early onset dementia. He's only 59. Chuck owned his own seasonal business, and when he still had it together he knew it had to end. Then when they closed it down, and the next season came along, Chuck was <em>so agitated</em>. He couldn't figure out his phone, he couldn't figure out how to send an email, the most basic things frustrated him. He'd ask about tax filings and lines of credit... Beth <em>always</em> tried to explain to him why she didn't file a business return or why they didn't have a line of credit statement. I told her, "Beth, just tell him 'I put that in the mail yesterday, it should be back by the end of the week.' then offer him some ice cream or to watch a favorite film together." Every time, she'd see the wisdom in that, and every time she'd try to explain it to him again anyway. And every time she'd end up in tears because he was bullying her.</p><p></p><p>If your aunt wants to write a letter to someone who's dead, it's not going to harm anyone. If she needs help writing it - and I bet she will - her caretaker can help her. She could even put it in the mail for all it's worth. That person is dead. It will come back undeliverable, but the caretaker can get to the mailbox and your aunt never needs to know. </p><p></p><p>They get so agitated about past wrongs. My grandma was the same way, as was her sister. We'd just tell them, "Sure we can go see your (dead) brother Darrow, right after dinner." By the time dinner is over, she's forgotten because she hasn't been trying to convince us about it for the last 5 hours. If she mentions it again, "We're going tomorrow after you get your hair done, remember? You want to look pretty for him. It's time for ice cream before bed!" It puts them at ease. </p><p></p><p>I do hope that your aunt's doctor will check her medications. There may be something that she can take that will ease her anxiety. But you have to be careful with dementia patients. Some medications can make them much worse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 549375, member: 99"] That is really hard for the caregiver, Terry. My good friend from home recently had to put her husband in a home with early onset dementia. He's only 59. Chuck owned his own seasonal business, and when he still had it together he knew it had to end. Then when they closed it down, and the next season came along, Chuck was [I]so agitated[/I]. He couldn't figure out his phone, he couldn't figure out how to send an email, the most basic things frustrated him. He'd ask about tax filings and lines of credit... Beth [I]always[/I] tried to explain to him why she didn't file a business return or why they didn't have a line of credit statement. I told her, "Beth, just tell him 'I put that in the mail yesterday, it should be back by the end of the week.' then offer him some ice cream or to watch a favorite film together." Every time, she'd see the wisdom in that, and every time she'd try to explain it to him again anyway. And every time she'd end up in tears because he was bullying her. If your aunt wants to write a letter to someone who's dead, it's not going to harm anyone. If she needs help writing it - and I bet she will - her caretaker can help her. She could even put it in the mail for all it's worth. That person is dead. It will come back undeliverable, but the caretaker can get to the mailbox and your aunt never needs to know. They get so agitated about past wrongs. My grandma was the same way, as was her sister. We'd just tell them, "Sure we can go see your (dead) brother Darrow, right after dinner." By the time dinner is over, she's forgotten because she hasn't been trying to convince us about it for the last 5 hours. If she mentions it again, "We're going tomorrow after you get your hair done, remember? You want to look pretty for him. It's time for ice cream before bed!" It puts them at ease. I do hope that your aunt's doctor will check her medications. There may be something that she can take that will ease her anxiety. But you have to be careful with dementia patients. Some medications can make them much worse. [/QUOTE]
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My 84-yr-old cousin's dementia is getting worse
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