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Parent Emeritus
my adult son is homeless and I am heartbroken
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 599923" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>What you do is you get as much help as you can to change the way you respond to him and to make very, very strong boundaries around his actions, his behaviors and his choices. You may not be able to work it out to know how he is without him using that opening to once again use and abuse you. You need a supportive environment where you can take all your worries, concerns, questions and fears and have them understood, acknowledged and answered. </p><p></p><p>He successfully manipulated his grandparents into purchasing him a new bike while having absolutely no regard for you or your possessions. My guess is he sold the old one. How dare he treat your property that way and be so indifferent to it. Start to get angry, his actions are despicable, dishonest, manipulative and secretive. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt, truthfully, does he deserve that?</p><p></p><p> He knows you love him which is why he continually uses you. This has nothing now to do with how much you love him, this has to do with real consequences, real jail time, real big problems he is creating in his life which you cannot save him from. He is NOT the cute little boy anymore, he is a man who knows how to get around you and has broken the law and is about to face those charges. You might call the guy who posted bail and ask him to rescind it. I would stop calling him at all. Believe me if he needs you he will go to any lengths to get you to do what he needs. I think you need help to do this. This is hard. You need tools and boundaries.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 599923, member: 13542"] What you do is you get as much help as you can to change the way you respond to him and to make very, very strong boundaries around his actions, his behaviors and his choices. You may not be able to work it out to know how he is without him using that opening to once again use and abuse you. You need a supportive environment where you can take all your worries, concerns, questions and fears and have them understood, acknowledged and answered. He successfully manipulated his grandparents into purchasing him a new bike while having absolutely no regard for you or your possessions. My guess is he sold the old one. How dare he treat your property that way and be so indifferent to it. Start to get angry, his actions are despicable, dishonest, manipulative and secretive. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt, truthfully, does he deserve that? He knows you love him which is why he continually uses you. This has nothing now to do with how much you love him, this has to do with real consequences, real jail time, real big problems he is creating in his life which you cannot save him from. He is NOT the cute little boy anymore, he is a man who knows how to get around you and has broken the law and is about to face those charges. You might call the guy who posted bail and ask him to rescind it. I would stop calling him at all. Believe me if he needs you he will go to any lengths to get you to do what he needs. I think you need help to do this. This is hard. You need tools and boundaries. [/QUOTE]
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my adult son is homeless and I am heartbroken
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