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Parent Emeritus
my adult son is homeless and I am heartbroken
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 600093" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>To the excellent advice already given seo, I would add this: That you acknowledge feeling disrespected and frustrated is an incredible step forward for you. These feelings, and the honesty behind them, are signs of health. I like it that you are allowing the feelings, and that you are allowing them to be what they are without trying to justify difficult child's behaviors and turn the feelings in onto yourself ~ which is what we usually do when our difficult child kids are in trouble.</p><p></p><p>We blame ourselves and then, justify correcting the situation we convince ourselves we are guilty of having caused, somehow.</p><p></p><p>It is always good to read postings, here. We sometimes see ourselves more clearly in another parent's writing than we can when we are trying to explain our situations in our own postings. </p><p></p><p>That is what happened for me, in reading this post.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly, I can see aspects of my daughter's destructive, callous, or uncaring behavior so clearly I'm feeling a little nauseous.</p><p></p><p>So, that must mean I am breaking through another little denial barrier. I can feel the two opposing belief systems, battling it out like two kittens in a pillowcase. Can't really see what it is each one represents...but I know that, if I want to see clearly, if I want to be healthy, this is the way to get there.</p><p></p><p>So disorienting. It's like I can't believe what I know. I do, however, know that facing this stuff is how we make it through this part. So, I am just going to sit with these new understandings for a little while. I know I will feel better, soon.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>I quoted your last paragraph seo, because it is an indication of health, too. Whenever we can look at the questions squarely, whenever we can see our own situations without flinching or dropping our eyes, we are winning a little piece of ourselves back from the foggy non-reality of denial. I think it will help for you to acknowledge that your boy was raised to know better. </p><p></p><p>Are you journaling, seo? That helps me. </p><p></p><p>As Recovering says, praying for our difficult child children, envisioning holding them in God's light can help us. </p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 600093, member: 1721"] To the excellent advice already given seo, I would add this: That you acknowledge feeling disrespected and frustrated is an incredible step forward for you. These feelings, and the honesty behind them, are signs of health. I like it that you are allowing the feelings, and that you are allowing them to be what they are without trying to justify difficult child's behaviors and turn the feelings in onto yourself ~ which is what we usually do when our difficult child kids are in trouble. We blame ourselves and then, justify correcting the situation we convince ourselves we are guilty of having caused, somehow. It is always good to read postings, here. We sometimes see ourselves more clearly in another parent's writing than we can when we are trying to explain our situations in our own postings. That is what happened for me, in reading this post. Suddenly, I can see aspects of my daughter's destructive, callous, or uncaring behavior so clearly I'm feeling a little nauseous. So, that must mean I am breaking through another little denial barrier. I can feel the two opposing belief systems, battling it out like two kittens in a pillowcase. Can't really see what it is each one represents...but I know that, if I want to see clearly, if I want to be healthy, this is the way to get there. So disorienting. It's like I can't believe what I know. I do, however, know that facing this stuff is how we make it through this part. So, I am just going to sit with these new understandings for a little while. I know I will feel better, soon. *** I quoted your last paragraph seo, because it is an indication of health, too. Whenever we can look at the questions squarely, whenever we can see our own situations without flinching or dropping our eyes, we are winning a little piece of ourselves back from the foggy non-reality of denial. I think it will help for you to acknowledge that your boy was raised to know better. Are you journaling, seo? That helps me. As Recovering says, praying for our difficult child children, envisioning holding them in God's light can help us. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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my adult son is homeless and I am heartbroken
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