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My BiPolar (BP) mother - on Ufo's and other paranoid thoughts - The guilt eats
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 377227" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are a nice person and you see clear signs that she is in psychiatric trouble in a major way. Because you are a nice person you think you should help, just like you likely would help a stranger. So you feel bad.</p><p> </p><p>Now, it is time to be your own parent. Remind yourself sternly that she is not a nice person in trouble, but a person who has taken enjoyment in causing you pain regardless of anything you did/do. You have been bitten by this creature many times. Just because she seems like she is in trouble does NOT make her YOUr problem.</p><p> </p><p>If you stand up and help, you will get saddled with her again and again. </p><p> </p><p>Nothing you do will result in her being nice to you, now or in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Your stepping in has allowed your bro to hide from her in times like this. </p><p> </p><p>ALL the neighbors know that he is her son. If she gets really bad they will force him to do something. Until HE does something, it clearly can be ignored.</p><p> </p><p>NOW is the time for you to spend your time and energy in ways that make YOU HAPPY. This is not your battle, not something you can win.</p><p> </p><p>IF you go help her, what will this teach your daughter?</p><p> </p><p>That no matter how someone abuses you, you still have to go and take care of them when they create their own emergencies? Your mom CHOSE this when she CHOSE to stop taking her medications. She knew what would happen and thought you would bail her out. </p><p> </p><p>Instead of ignoring her on caller ID, call the phone co and block her number even if it costs a bit each month. Then you won't get the number on your ID or a machine full of her ramblings.</p><p> </p><p>Set a GOOD example of taking care of yourself against a known threat for your daughter. Because THAT is what not responding to your mother is at this point. (Thinking about it in those terms can make it easier to push past the guilt.)</p><p> </p><p>IF blocking her number isn't possible, every time she calls that you can answer the phone, pick it up and blow a whistle into it as long and loud as you can, and then hang up.</p><p> </p><p>You do NOT owe ANYONE the right to abuse and harrass you, whether they have chosen to go off their medications or not, no matter how they are related to you. </p><p> </p><p>You don't want your daughter to have to live through this, do you?</p><p> </p><p>Remember, you have already been bitten by this person, just because she wants you to come closer doesn't mean it is wise or that you owe it to her, any more than you owe a rattlesnake a chance to bite you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 377227, member: 1233"] You are a nice person and you see clear signs that she is in psychiatric trouble in a major way. Because you are a nice person you think you should help, just like you likely would help a stranger. So you feel bad. Now, it is time to be your own parent. Remind yourself sternly that she is not a nice person in trouble, but a person who has taken enjoyment in causing you pain regardless of anything you did/do. You have been bitten by this creature many times. Just because she seems like she is in trouble does NOT make her YOUr problem. If you stand up and help, you will get saddled with her again and again. Nothing you do will result in her being nice to you, now or in the future. Your stepping in has allowed your bro to hide from her in times like this. ALL the neighbors know that he is her son. If she gets really bad they will force him to do something. Until HE does something, it clearly can be ignored. NOW is the time for you to spend your time and energy in ways that make YOU HAPPY. This is not your battle, not something you can win. IF you go help her, what will this teach your daughter? That no matter how someone abuses you, you still have to go and take care of them when they create their own emergencies? Your mom CHOSE this when she CHOSE to stop taking her medications. She knew what would happen and thought you would bail her out. Instead of ignoring her on caller ID, call the phone co and block her number even if it costs a bit each month. Then you won't get the number on your ID or a machine full of her ramblings. Set a GOOD example of taking care of yourself against a known threat for your daughter. Because THAT is what not responding to your mother is at this point. (Thinking about it in those terms can make it easier to push past the guilt.) IF blocking her number isn't possible, every time she calls that you can answer the phone, pick it up and blow a whistle into it as long and loud as you can, and then hang up. You do NOT owe ANYONE the right to abuse and harrass you, whether they have chosen to go off their medications or not, no matter how they are related to you. You don't want your daughter to have to live through this, do you? Remember, you have already been bitten by this person, just because she wants you to come closer doesn't mean it is wise or that you owe it to her, any more than you owe a rattlesnake a chance to bite you. [/QUOTE]
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My BiPolar (BP) mother - on Ufo's and other paranoid thoughts - The guilt eats
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