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My BiPolar (BP) mother - on Ufo's and other paranoid thoughts - The guilt eats
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 377360" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I can only draw from my own experiences dealing with a paranoid schizo mother my whole life, aunt too although she wasn't in the picture as much as my mother........and well c'mon, it's your mother ya know?<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>I've managed to get my mother onto medications perhaps a handful of times in all these years. Never lasted more than a day or 2 at most because she'd dump them into the toilet. No forced psychiatric hospital stays though never went that route......she's never had any psychiatric hospital stays unless it was when I was very small.</p><p></p><p>My mom is in the middle of a paranoid psychotic break.......started several weeks back right in the last quarter of school. Over the years I've gotten so good I can tell by number of times she calls, the tone of her voice long before the paranoid conversation begins. When she gets back......it's really bad........very similar to what you describe only she's also a religious fanatic (serious here) so that plays a role.</p><p></p><p>So? How do I deal? I spend time talking to her on the phone "talking her down" out of her latest delusion. This may or may not work. If it doesn't work I don't get all upset. I don't play into the paranoid delusions, but I don't refute them per se either. Trying to say what she's experiencing isn't real is like lighting a match to dynamite........and then she won't listen as I've become one of the "bad" guys. Know what I mean?? Instead, I insert logic into the conversation whenever possible. Seems to work best. Like she called to tell me my bro's latest girlfriend took several new jeans she'd had laid out on a chair. I know the girlfriend is like half the size of my Mom, so I asked what would she do with them..........oh she was giving them to her 10 yr old. lol Ok......Mom you wear men's jeans....and I seriously doubt a 10 yr can fit them let alone would they be caught dead in them. Next time it was my sis had taken her laptop power cord. Mom she doesn't have a laptop, or a computer, nor do her kids......what's she going to do with it? Enough of that and she eventually comes around.</p><p></p><p>It's the method my grandma used with both her daughters. It works. Not always immediate, but it does work eventually. And one has to know how to apply it. My sibs attempt it and Mom just goes further off the deep end. ugh</p><p></p><p>Dear ol' Mom is one of several reasons I live 9 hours from home and have caller ID. I usually take her calls, but during a paranoid episode........I screen and take them only when I have time to talk. I used to say I never wanted her in the same town again.........but have been trying to get her to move here for the past 2 yrs.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/whiteflag.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":whiteflag:" title="whiteflag :whiteflag:" data-shortname=":whiteflag:" /> Now how sane is that?? lmao But she really has no one to watch her there, is getting up in years........and well no she will never live with me.</p><p></p><p>Mental illness is no different from any other illness except it affects behavior. This makes it super hard to deal with in someone who refuses to stick with treatment. And when that person is paranoid on top of it.......it takes it to a whole new level. omg </p><p></p><p>I don't do guilt when it comes to my Mom. I just deal with it the best way possible and whatever happens, happens. Being paranoid she will most likely never stick with medications/treatment. It always winds up part of the delusion someone is out to get her. Svcks but just how it is. It's sad, terribly sad she has had to live her whole life this way.</p><p></p><p>You do what feels right for you to do, what is necessary for you to cope. It sounds like this break from your Mom is something very badly needed. As for your bro........when he disappears when she's really bad.......most likely cause he hasn't a clue what to do in the situation and avoidance is better than making it worse. Many of my sibs do the same thing........ok all of them do it to one extent or another. lol</p><p></p><p>in my opinion it's easy from someone from outside the situation to say omg you're neglecting your Mom or omg why would you ever have anything to do with such a crazy person ever again........ It's impossible to imagine dealing with mental illness over an entire lifetime, especially when it is a parent when you have no experience to draw on. She's your Mom, you love her despite the mental illness. But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice all that is good in life in attempts to help someone who can't/doesn't want to be helped. If you need a break, then take it. I'm sure you've more than earned it.</p><p></p><p>by the way my Mom also has a mean streak I'm not so sure has anything to do with the mental illness. Wonder if we have the same Mom? lol Don't let the guilt eat at you. If her behavior has you standing on the edge......it dragging you over is not going to help her. And that mean streak makes it mighty hard to want to help. </p><p></p><p>Bottom line......our mothers are who they are........we will never change them. We change how we deal with it.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 377360, member: 84"] I can only draw from my own experiences dealing with a paranoid schizo mother my whole life, aunt too although she wasn't in the picture as much as my mother........and well c'mon, it's your mother ya know?:raspberry-tounge: I've managed to get my mother onto medications perhaps a handful of times in all these years. Never lasted more than a day or 2 at most because she'd dump them into the toilet. No forced psychiatric hospital stays though never went that route......she's never had any psychiatric hospital stays unless it was when I was very small. My mom is in the middle of a paranoid psychotic break.......started several weeks back right in the last quarter of school. Over the years I've gotten so good I can tell by number of times she calls, the tone of her voice long before the paranoid conversation begins. When she gets back......it's really bad........very similar to what you describe only she's also a religious fanatic (serious here) so that plays a role. So? How do I deal? I spend time talking to her on the phone "talking her down" out of her latest delusion. This may or may not work. If it doesn't work I don't get all upset. I don't play into the paranoid delusions, but I don't refute them per se either. Trying to say what she's experiencing isn't real is like lighting a match to dynamite........and then she won't listen as I've become one of the "bad" guys. Know what I mean?? Instead, I insert logic into the conversation whenever possible. Seems to work best. Like she called to tell me my bro's latest girlfriend took several new jeans she'd had laid out on a chair. I know the girlfriend is like half the size of my Mom, so I asked what would she do with them..........oh she was giving them to her 10 yr old. lol Ok......Mom you wear men's jeans....and I seriously doubt a 10 yr can fit them let alone would they be caught dead in them. Next time it was my sis had taken her laptop power cord. Mom she doesn't have a laptop, or a computer, nor do her kids......what's she going to do with it? Enough of that and she eventually comes around. It's the method my grandma used with both her daughters. It works. Not always immediate, but it does work eventually. And one has to know how to apply it. My sibs attempt it and Mom just goes further off the deep end. ugh Dear ol' Mom is one of several reasons I live 9 hours from home and have caller ID. I usually take her calls, but during a paranoid episode........I screen and take them only when I have time to talk. I used to say I never wanted her in the same town again.........but have been trying to get her to move here for the past 2 yrs.:raspberry-tounge::whiteflag: Now how sane is that?? lmao But she really has no one to watch her there, is getting up in years........and well no she will never live with me. Mental illness is no different from any other illness except it affects behavior. This makes it super hard to deal with in someone who refuses to stick with treatment. And when that person is paranoid on top of it.......it takes it to a whole new level. omg I don't do guilt when it comes to my Mom. I just deal with it the best way possible and whatever happens, happens. Being paranoid she will most likely never stick with medications/treatment. It always winds up part of the delusion someone is out to get her. Svcks but just how it is. It's sad, terribly sad she has had to live her whole life this way. You do what feels right for you to do, what is necessary for you to cope. It sounds like this break from your Mom is something very badly needed. As for your bro........when he disappears when she's really bad.......most likely cause he hasn't a clue what to do in the situation and avoidance is better than making it worse. Many of my sibs do the same thing........ok all of them do it to one extent or another. lol in my opinion it's easy from someone from outside the situation to say omg you're neglecting your Mom or omg why would you ever have anything to do with such a crazy person ever again........ It's impossible to imagine dealing with mental illness over an entire lifetime, especially when it is a parent when you have no experience to draw on. She's your Mom, you love her despite the mental illness. But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice all that is good in life in attempts to help someone who can't/doesn't want to be helped. If you need a break, then take it. I'm sure you've more than earned it. by the way my Mom also has a mean streak I'm not so sure has anything to do with the mental illness. Wonder if we have the same Mom? lol Don't let the guilt eat at you. If her behavior has you standing on the edge......it dragging you over is not going to help her. And that mean streak makes it mighty hard to want to help. Bottom line......our mothers are who they are........we will never change them. We change how we deal with it. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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My BiPolar (BP) mother - on Ufo's and other paranoid thoughts - The guilt eats
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