Hi all I am new here and could really use some advice. Sorry this will be long, but I am not sure where else to turn. My live in boyfriend has a just turned 10 yr old son. We get his son every other weekend. His son was diagnosed a few years ago (after the first time I broke up with my boyfriend because of his son and he snapped out of denial) with ADHD and ODD. He takes seroquel and something for ADHD to try and control his behavior. I have never been involved in his treatment and his dad isn't really either (we live 100 miles away), I do know that the child isn't able to go to regular school. He goes to a classroom that the school district busses him to where he goes to school with 3 other kids. This is due to his behavior. He has been kicked out of 6 daycares in the last 5 years due to behavior. I have a 12 yr old son that I have always parented with rules and etiquette. So when boyfriend moved in this year, I started demanding his son also follow the rules when he is at our house. Well, it seems basic rules (no interrupting, no head on table during dinner, no kicking people under the table, etc) were too much for his son to handle. He started having meltdowns and issues at school and then his mom and my boyfriend insisted that we go back to the way things were when he would visit his dad (basically he gets to do whatever he wants). This has caused a great deal of unrest in my house and I get anxiety leading up to the weekends he comes here because I know it's just going to big problems. He basically only wants to sit in front of the tv all weekend (which I can't stand) and also his dad allows him to play modern warfare/call of duty games - which I tend to think isn't a good idea due to his anger and aggression issues. I also don't like the message this sends to my 12 yr old son. I also am a little scared of his son, he stares at me a lot and when I look at him, he hides behind whatever he is near - furniture, walls, etc. When I look away, he stares again. He also flaunts to me things that he knows I don't want him to do but his dad is ok with, usually with an evil smile. When I told my boyfriend recently I was scared of his son - a hard thing to do anyway - he dismissed it and told me I am being ridiculous. I am afraid him dividing us between a kid that isn't getting what he wants will be bad news for me one day. His dad seems to live in denial - he keeps saying that this is society's problem because of everyone wanting perfect kids so he just ignores my concerns. It's to the point I am thinking of breaking up with him again as I don't want another 8 years of this. I'd appreciate any advise or words of wisdom on how to deal with this. I am not that familiar with these disorders so I am not sure what to do.