My brother is a liar and steals money from my parents

[Piya]

I wasn't sure which forum to address, hope this is the correct one for my problem. My younger Brother has been a good kid other than the fact- he is a liar and steals money. He used to lie even as a kid, his entire childhood my parents have tried everything yelling, talking to him, punishing etc etc but no change in his behavior. When he was in the age group 20-23 he stole money from my parents (around 700$ ) and also took lot of money from me now and then of course he lied about reasons he wanted it for. When confronted about stealing he always had some good reason. We together as a family helped him get out of his debts and money problem with the assurance that it was mistake on his part and he should be given a chance. But now after 5 years he was at our parents home for a little vacation he again stole money form my father, about 600$ . (He have visited them a lot of time in last 5 years but no such incident took place). He never is in any steady job and we have no idea if he gets paid enough. The problem is he never speaks the truth. We have tried talking
sense in him but he admits his mistake and apologizes whenever caught. I am not sure if it is a problem with him or its just that his needs are more than his pocket can afford. I really want to help my brother to come out of whatever it is, please suggest as what should I do?

 

[recoveringenabler]

Welcome Piya. Does your brother have any diagnosis? Is he involved in any substance abuse? We've seen much of this kind of behavior and usually it does involve some kind of mental illness, personality disorder, abuse, substance abuse, etc. How old is your brother now? It appears he is in his late 20's. At this point, if you are still saving him from his thievery, then you are enabling his behavior. Stealing is against the law, whether the problem lies within him, as you mentioned, or because his own money doesn't stretch far enough to cover his needs. he is still engaging in illegal activity and is not getting any real consequence for it. You and your parents are in essence, allowing this behavior to continue and as a result, it does. He may simply be an entitled character who believes he can do whatever he likes and then does it and no one does anything to stop it so it continues. You and your parents could call the police and have him arrested. I imagine that would stop the behavior, at least in your home. How you help him is to not allow it to continue and provide real life consequences.

 

[BusynMember]

I agree with RE. Something is and has always been going on with him but whatever it is that is no excuse to steal from you. How is i t that your family doesn't even know if he has a steady job? Why would anyone keep handing him money when he is stealing? Frankly, he has no incentive to stop because the police are never called and everyone seems to be so concerned about him.

You should be. You don't know if he is also stealing from his jobs, which may be why he doesn't keep steady ones. Or his friends. Or anyone else who may catch him and turn him in. My first guess is that he is a drug user, because they tend to steal over and over again...they always need money for drugs. If not, he is either just a liar and a thief who desperately needs to straighten out his act. You can't do it for him. Your parents can't. Handing him more money and never reporting him is enabling him to do this more. He is too old for you to "help." My suggestions are to not invite to your home because he may steal and not to lend him any money so that he has to dig himself out of his holes, whatever the cause of it. He needs to grow up.