My dad is dying

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TerryJ2, May 29, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    And the visit with-the psychiatrist today didn't go well. difficult child had a meltdown and the psychiatrist is considering lithium. Lots of decisions to make. He is going to talk to the therapist first.

    I haven't posted a lot about my dad lately, but the most recent development as of Friday was that I was going to fly to MN and my dad would be placed at a neat ranch for Alzheimer's pts 2 hrs from my little sister, and we'd rent a cabin, so we could write and drink wine and visit Dad.
    Not going to happen. (And amazing that she could find humor in this, too! I well remember that incident.)

    HI,This is a sad email to write, but dad isn't doing well-- and they need to sedate him more for comfort care-- he is failing to thrive. This is often how it goes at this stage-- faster than any other stage.
    He may not make it more then a few weeks, maybe less. The good news is, he's 91…and what a life! It helps to look at this that way. For me at least.
    I'm going to talk to the dr and to the social worker again tomorrow, (I talked to the psychiatrist, internist and social worker today), about moving dad to a hospice area in the hospital or if he is maintaining, to a nursing home-- close, where I can be there a lot. We talked in detail about the use of morphine during this process. So, we will not have the opportunity for him to go to LakevVIew Ranch.
    If I were to speak for dad, I think he's done with this disease. If he had his choice on care for him, he would not be living like this. The most important thing is that he is at peace and pain free. I am at peace after watching this for this long-- I do not want him to suffer. So, although dad made me wait until after he finished his sandwich to get me stitches when Terry dropped the bed on my finger, I am going to make a swift decision that he should suffer no pain or anxiety at this stage. So, no feeding tube--- which I know for certain none of you would want to do anyway. We need to let him go.

    There's not much else to tell you. If he makes it longer, every day is good-- but I wanted you to know what I know. Anyone is welcome to come here at any time. He will most likely be asleep but
    you would see him. So, if that's something you want to do, you certainly have a place to stay. This is not an easy thing to see right now-- if you don't want this memory he would be the first to understand.

    If anyone wants to talk to the doctors it should probably be by conference call-- There are two doctors, and four of you. You could arrange it and I could get you numbers if you want. There's not much to say at this point though-- he will almost certainly be moved on Thursday. I will keep you posted, and just know… the goal is peace for dad.

  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Terry, I'm so sorry. Your mom sounds like such a strong woman. (((Hugs)))
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry about your dad, Terry. I had the unpleasantness of watching my dad die. Him only being 62 made it only a little harder. Your dad HAS had a full life. It's very hard watching someone you love whittle away to nothing. My heart breaks for you. Keep me posted please. Take care of yourself.

    As for the psychiatrist, interesting development. Do YOU think Lithium will help? Do you think a mood stabilizer will help matters? In other words, what does your mommy gut say?
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, sudden change in plans. I am so sorry Terry. What a sad thing to find out. I pray he stays comfortable. HUG
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hugs to you, Terry.

  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hugs Terry. I often wonder what it will be like when my mom is at the end of this horrid road of Alzheimer's. For now, we ca still find humor in the every day things-for if we didn't, we'd really be in emotional pain. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Truly, I'm holding you in my thoughts and prayers.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Many many warm gentle (((((hugs))))) Terry. I'm so sorry. I hope they are able to keep him comfortable until the very last moment.

    Saying prayers for your dad, your mom, you and the entire family.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) and prayers going out to you and your family.
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm so sorry. Watching a loved one slip away is very difficult. I'm also sending good thoughts that psychiatrist finds the right treatment for your difficult child.
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    {{{{{{big hugs}}}}}} Terry.
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    So sorry you are hurting. Your mom does sound like a very strong woman.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. For the record, Molly is my little sister and Dad's main caregiver.
    Mom died 6 years ago.

    She is very strong. But between her daughter on meth (and now, clean for 2 mo's!), her son in and out of the hospital with-celiac disease, her husband overweight with-heart problems and minor surgery a few mo's ago, and trying to actually work for a living, she is really stressed out.
    She is very good at planning events and following through, so she has already spoken to the people at the church and the place where we will eat afterward.
    I'm working on some poems and a short addition to those for my eulogy.
    I cried when I read her note ... it's just so sad. All of it.

    Now I have to figure out how to decide if P flies to MN for the funeral. She will want to go but she is a PITA. I just don't want to think about it.
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry, I am sorry. I hope your Dad's passing is indeed peaceful and that you and your family find peace as well. God bless you and yours...........
  14. Jody

    Jody Active Member


    I am so sorry about your dad. I will include you and your dad and family in my prayers tonight. Many hugs.
  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    (((so sorry)))
  16. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Terry. (((Hugs)))
  17. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    prayers of strength and peace for your family. Your sister sounds like a strong woman!
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not



    I'm so sorry...
  19. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    ((hugs)) - I'm sorry.
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs: Terry... I don't have any wisdom but I've got a shoulder!