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Family of Origin
My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 681614" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Do you believe the meeting will go well?</p><p></p><p>What would be the best thing that could happen?</p><p></p><p>What would be your signal that to meet him had been a mistake, and for you to leave?</p><p></p><p>I think you should meet your father for coffee. He loves you. You love him. This meeting could lead to so much that is good. That would be a reason to go. </p><p></p><p>Just like we tell ourselves where our children are concerned, we need to do the right thing, the thing we will know, as the years unfold, that we tried with every bit of goodwill in us to do.</p><p></p><p>No matter how scared we are.</p><p></p><p>Scared is okay.</p><p></p><p>Abuse is not okay. So, if you do the right thing, which because you feel you should go, is the right thing for you, then the other right thing is to know ahead of time how you will protect yourself if the father is not sincere. Or, if things begin to go badly.</p><p></p><p>BOOM</p><p></p><p>You are out of there.</p><p></p><p>You need a place to stand up from, and to walk away from him from. You need words to say: "I love you too much to love you this way. You are my father. I want the best of you. Please call me when you are ready."</p><p></p><p>Then, book out of there and do something wonderful for your courageous self.</p><p></p><p>It is all about how we look at it. About how we see ourselves. Through their eyes, or our own.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>You are not obligated to meet with someone you love and so, are vulnerable to, and that you believe may hurt you. </p><p></p><p>Your father did what he did. He said what he said and, however he sees it, what he said hurt you.</p><p></p><p>If your father is sincere, he will want to know how you feel. He is a grown man. You are his daughter. If you cannot trust him to protect and cherish and teach you, a beginning place to establish sincere relationship would be for you to tell him how you feel.</p><p></p><p>His response will tell you everything you need to know to make a decision about tomorrow's very public meeting.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>What would happen if you were to call your father. What would happen if you were to tell him that, much as you love him, you are uncomfortable about this meeting because you are still troubled by your last conversation with him. </p><p></p><p>What would happen, do you think?</p><p></p><p>And would you rather have that happen over the phone or at Starbucks?</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>There is no right answer. I really do believe you should try. I would be scared, too. But scared is okay. If the meeting goes badly, we will process it with you, here. Knowing this in advance will help you feel very much stronger.</p><p></p><p>You are not alone with all of it anymore.</p><p></p><p>It makes a difference, that we each have this safe place to wonder what to do about these so hurtful things that happen in our families of origin. </p><p></p><p>I wish you and your father such a nice time.</p><p></p><p>Fathers don't have to be perfect. They can be upset, and say wrong things, and regret them. For your own peace of mind as the years pass, you will be happier and stronger if you meet with him tomorrow.</p><p></p><p>We will be here, and waiting to hear, and wishing you both well.</p><p></p><p>Fathers can only do the best they know, too.</p><p></p><p>He loves you.</p><p></p><p>I say go for it.</p><p></p><p>Wear something pretty. </p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 681614, member: 17461"] Do you believe the meeting will go well? What would be the best thing that could happen? What would be your signal that to meet him had been a mistake, and for you to leave? I think you should meet your father for coffee. He loves you. You love him. This meeting could lead to so much that is good. That would be a reason to go. Just like we tell ourselves where our children are concerned, we need to do the right thing, the thing we will know, as the years unfold, that we tried with every bit of goodwill in us to do. No matter how scared we are. Scared is okay. Abuse is not okay. So, if you do the right thing, which because you feel you should go, is the right thing for you, then the other right thing is to know ahead of time how you will protect yourself if the father is not sincere. Or, if things begin to go badly. BOOM You are out of there. You need a place to stand up from, and to walk away from him from. You need words to say: "I love you too much to love you this way. You are my father. I want the best of you. Please call me when you are ready." Then, book out of there and do something wonderful for your courageous self. It is all about how we look at it. About how we see ourselves. Through their eyes, or our own. *** You are not obligated to meet with someone you love and so, are vulnerable to, and that you believe may hurt you. Your father did what he did. He said what he said and, however he sees it, what he said hurt you. If your father is sincere, he will want to know how you feel. He is a grown man. You are his daughter. If you cannot trust him to protect and cherish and teach you, a beginning place to establish sincere relationship would be for you to tell him how you feel. His response will tell you everything you need to know to make a decision about tomorrow's very public meeting. *** What would happen if you were to call your father. What would happen if you were to tell him that, much as you love him, you are uncomfortable about this meeting because you are still troubled by your last conversation with him. What would happen, do you think? And would you rather have that happen over the phone or at Starbucks? *** There is no right answer. I really do believe you should try. I would be scared, too. But scared is okay. If the meeting goes badly, we will process it with you, here. Knowing this in advance will help you feel very much stronger. You are not alone with all of it anymore. It makes a difference, that we each have this safe place to wonder what to do about these so hurtful things that happen in our families of origin. I wish you and your father such a nice time. Fathers don't have to be perfect. They can be upset, and say wrong things, and regret them. For your own peace of mind as the years pass, you will be happier and stronger if you meet with him tomorrow. We will be here, and waiting to hear, and wishing you both well. Fathers can only do the best they know, too. He loves you. I say go for it. Wear something pretty. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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