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My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 681805" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>CB, it is now Saturday. Did you meet with him yesterday?? I am sorry I missed the thread until now. Even though it is a done deal one way or another I will put in by 2 cents. Actually, I agree totally with Cedar. These are the parts that are so important to me:</p><p></p><p>One, you are very strong. You can protect yourself. You have give. You can do it.</p><p></p><p>Two, there is room for all of us, each of us to be human. To have our own unique nuttiness and specialness. We can make mistakes and be forgiven. Or maybe we can not forgive because we feel we do not have it in us. And we can be forgiven for that. By ourselves and by our parents and by our kids.</p><p></p><p>Three, love can be messy and imperfect. It does not *usually does not, come in the package that we need or want. That is OK. It is still love. We do the best we can.</p><p></p><p>Four, the important thing is that we learn to have confidence in ourselves, and believe that we can make mistakes, have others disagree with us, be unhappy with us, and still be OK. And that love can survive all this too. Maybe especially self-love.</p><p></p><p>I have been going through a very long period where I have been screwing up all over the place. I am learning that the self-forgiveness is more important than not screwing up. And that if I needed screwing up to learn self-forgiveness, so be it.</p><p></p><p>If your Dad needs to criticize and blame you, you do not need to do it to yourself. If he needs to criticize you and believe he knows everything, that does not mean you need to believe him. You are such a wonderful person. Know that. Believe in yourself. Even if your Dad cannot be what you need. You can be what you need. So can I.</p><p></p><p>If I had learned all of this 50 years ago I would have had a much easier life. But I know it now. And I vow that I will change.</p><p>As others pointed out, you do not have to go there. I stayed away from my mother too long because I was afraid of what she would say.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could go back. I was stronger than I gave my self credit for. I could have done it, tolerated it. I did not know. I forgive myself. Because I have to. I wrote 3 paragraphs up that screwing up is worth it because I can learn self-forgiveness and I will. While I am at it, I will vow to learn self-care. Part of that is having confidence that I will protect myself, speak up for myself, and care for myself. You are doing that too.</p><p>As others said, there is no obligation <em>to him</em>. If there is obligation it is to yourself.</p><p>To ourselves.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 681805, member: 18958"] CB, it is now Saturday. Did you meet with him yesterday?? I am sorry I missed the thread until now. Even though it is a done deal one way or another I will put in by 2 cents. Actually, I agree totally with Cedar. These are the parts that are so important to me: One, you are very strong. You can protect yourself. You have give. You can do it. Two, there is room for all of us, each of us to be human. To have our own unique nuttiness and specialness. We can make mistakes and be forgiven. Or maybe we can not forgive because we feel we do not have it in us. And we can be forgiven for that. By ourselves and by our parents and by our kids. Three, love can be messy and imperfect. It does not *usually does not, come in the package that we need or want. That is OK. It is still love. We do the best we can. Four, the important thing is that we learn to have confidence in ourselves, and believe that we can make mistakes, have others disagree with us, be unhappy with us, and still be OK. And that love can survive all this too. Maybe especially self-love. I have been going through a very long period where I have been screwing up all over the place. I am learning that the self-forgiveness is more important than not screwing up. And that if I needed screwing up to learn self-forgiveness, so be it. If your Dad needs to criticize and blame you, you do not need to do it to yourself. If he needs to criticize you and believe he knows everything, that does not mean you need to believe him. You are such a wonderful person. Know that. Believe in yourself. Even if your Dad cannot be what you need. You can be what you need. So can I. If I had learned all of this 50 years ago I would have had a much easier life. But I know it now. And I vow that I will change. As others pointed out, you do not have to go there. I stayed away from my mother too long because I was afraid of what she would say. I wish I could go back. I was stronger than I gave my self credit for. I could have done it, tolerated it. I did not know. I forgive myself. Because I have to. I wrote 3 paragraphs up that screwing up is worth it because I can learn self-forgiveness and I will. While I am at it, I will vow to learn self-care. Part of that is having confidence that I will protect myself, speak up for myself, and care for myself. You are doing that too. As others said, there is no obligation [I]to him[/I]. If there is obligation it is to yourself. To ourselves. COPA [/QUOTE]
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My dad wants to meet to talk. Eek!
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