My easy child daughter is starting to pick on my difficult child son

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AprilH, Mar 1, 2008.

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  1. AprilH

    AprilH Guest

    Any words of advice for me in regards to getting my eight year old easy child daughter to stop picking on her nearly eleven year old brother? I knew this would start up eventually; she is sick and tired of getting bullied by her brother every chance he gets (she can't even go to the bathroom without him trying to bust in and harass her). I guess deep down I can't blame her for wanting to teach him a lesson and stand up for herself, but it's adding even more conflict in here. Yes, she knows that her brother is not like everyone else and she has seen all the struggles I have with him on a daily basis, but she is tired of his ****, plain and simple. :sweating:

    Tried to delete and repost this in the Water Cooler section but cannot figure out how to do it...
     
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! You might want to try a little tlc, believe it or not for easy child. It svcks for her that she's been in the back seat (in her opinion) to difficult child's "b.s." for a while now.

    If at all possible, maybe a hooky day where you and easy child can "knock around" together and talk. Let her explain to you what she's feeling when she's picking on him, and help her figure out a more constructive way to handle things.

    Just a thought!

    Beth
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can so relate to this. My easy child will purposefully get difficult child going. I know she is tired of all he does but she is old enough (mine is 14) to know better. I like Beth's idea of having a hooky day together.
     
  4. AprilH

    AprilH Guest

    Hi all!
    Thanks for reminding me about the 'hooky' day; my daughter and I did it a few months ago, now my husband is gone for training so I may have to try it again. The problem is, I really only have one friend to leave my son with that he is comfortable with, and the thing is, she SPOILS him whenever she is around him, and undoes all the discipline I have been trying to get him to follow all day, "oh, it's OK, it's only a few cookies and besides, this is my house" she will say to me when we are having supper with her and my son broke my bathroom door by hanging on it after I REPEATEDLY told him to stop it. Good times! I am definitely worried about how Kayla secretly feels when her brother gets the lion's share of attention because he is acting a fool.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My daughter was almost destroyed by my difficult child. He tried to kill her, several times - his OWN admission. She did tease him, but it was a very typical bro/sis type thing. She also got VERY tired of being abused.

    We could not get her to defend herself. Even Tae Kwon Do lessons did not help. She just didn't want to hurt him.

    We did LOTS of things like play hooky after doctor appts (she was an A+ student). When she had bad dreams or felt unsure or threatened we had her sleep with us. Sometimes husband even made a pallet on the floor outside difficult child's room so he couldn't come in and attack Jess and me. (He purely LOVED to wait until everyone was asleep and then beat someone. A major factor in the hospitalizations!).

    At 12 Jess is not done cooking. We are very close, and she still tells me she just didn't want to hurt him. She did pick on him, sometimes when provoked, sometimes when not.

    And she is forged in fire, so very much stronger and more caring than many would be in this situation.

    I would recommend making your daughter feel that she is special and loved, and that you will do whatever is needed to keep her safe - even from her brother. You also need to plan ahead for clear consequences for when she is out of line. She doesn't need to know them, just have them in your mind.

    One of the things I adore about Love and Logic is that they tell you to wait, prepare, talk to friends, relatives or therapists about ways toplug the holes in your plan. Then you are ready and don't have to react in an angry or upset manner.

    As the sis of a gfgbro, I can say I have had to deal with a LOT of resentment about my bro, his impact on our family (growing up AND now), and many of the terrible things he did or tried to do to me. I NOW know that some of the behavior happened during alcoholic blackouts, but it isn't an excuse. Sometimes I started a fight, just because the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop was intolerable.

    I truly do recommend therapy for your daughter. She will need it to help her handle the stress. At some time she may need medications to help her. They will probably be short term or prn, but I think that a psychiatrist appointment if the difficult child stuff is causing health problems or other problems is a reasonable idea. I would tell her it is so that SHE can be given the tools to handle her life and family. (Jessie's medications were very short term, maybe a year - and the atarax we used for anxiety and panic attacks was an awesome find - it works amazingly with her allergies!).

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
     
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