MY ex and my mom are trying to drive me insane!! (Rant)

[Californiablonde]

So first it's my ex. He texts me on Sunday and tells me I need to drive all the way to his house to pick up the kids. Mind you, he lives about 30 miles away. I text him and tell him I will meet him half way because there is something wrong with my car and I can't afford to be stranded so far away. I am waiting till after the holidays to get it fixed and taking my chances by driving it. I have AAA but they will only tow me for seven miles. He texts me back, cussing at me, telling me it's f**ked up and I am full of ***. He told me he had to drive all the way to my house when I lost my license so I owed him. I texted back and told him that I was actually doing him a favor by offering to meet him half way, cause it's supposed to be that he drop them off. He then told me he is doing me the favor by not taking me to court and taking full custody of the kids. Then he tells me if I don't drive all the way to his house, he is cancelling visitations with the kids for the next month. I told him he was a great father, taking it out on his kids to spite me. He refused to meet me half way so I took a chance and drove all the way there and back. Thankfully I didn't break down. I'm still so mad at him for using the kids as pawns to deal with his anger. I should have never met him at his place but I felt bullied.

Now for my mom. She comes over to my house earlier this afternoon to pick up difficult child for school. My daughter didn't sleep well last night so I let her sleep in a little this morning and my mom agreed to take her to school later. The first thing my mom does after she drops her off at school is texting me with all kinds of questions. Why are there several baskets of dirty laundry? Well most of those clothes are old and I just have to find the time to wash them and take them to goodwill. Then why are all the drawers empty (and what is she doing looking through my drawers in the first place, is what I want to know!) Don't the kids have clean clothes to wear to school? Are the kids going to school wearing dirty clothes? No, mom the kids aren't wearing dirty clothes to school. Wednesdays are my laundry days. I am going home to wash a load of clothes tonight after work. The kids wore clean clothes today.

So why does it look like difficult child dumped oil on her hair? Why am I not being a responsible parent and making her wash it? Well, gee, she has been home sick for five days with the flu for one. For another, she knows it's like pulling teeth to get difficult child in a bath and wash her hair. Why is she blaming me? Why can't she be mad at difficult child for once. She's 15. Shouldn't she be held accountable for her hygiene? I have talked till I'm blue in the face trying to get her to care about her appearance to no avail. My mom isn't buying it. She says I'm the irresponsible one who doesn't make my kids shower and I don't wash clothes (I wash twice a week.) She doesn't care. Then she asks me why difficult child's toothbrush isn't in the bathroom where it should be. Again, she's 15 and needs to be held accountable for her own stuff.

My mom texts me all this while I'm on my lunch break. I like for my lunches to be peaceful. It's a time where I can get some fresh air, listen to some music, and just relax. She ruined my whole damn day. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is in overdrive right now and I just want to be left alone. I feel like I'm being treated unfairly by everyone. Why can't I just be left alone for once? Thank goodness for my new bipolar support group. They get where I'm coming from. They understand. Right now they are my therapy. I just wish everyone in my life would lay off and just let me be for now. I'm not up for fighting. Sorry for venting. Just had to get it all out there...again. Sigh.

 

[witzend]

Not sure what to say to your ex. I do know that if he threatened to stop visits because you wouldn't drive to him, then threatened to take custody? I'd tell him to go right ahead and thank him very much for the texts proving your argument as to why he's unfit.

As to your mom, I'd tell her thanks for worrying, everyone is clean and fine and you are at work and unable to text with her right now. Then I'd turn off the phone.

 

[Californiablonde]

To top it all off, I forgot to pay rent on time due to my stupid bipolar brain. It totally slipped my mind that it was due on the third. So I go to pay it yesterday and beg the lady to waive the late fee. After all, I've been there two years and never have been late before. She wouldn't budge. OH, and I asked her to let me pay it after Christmas so I could have some money for the holidays. Nope, it has to be paid today. $50. There goes Christmas. difficult children will only be getting one gift this year. Thanks, apartment manager, for ruining the holidays.

 

[InsaneCdn]

That one isn't the appointment mgr's fault.
And... she has a boss, too. She doesn't get to call the shots unless she OWNS the building.

 

[Californiablonde]

I think she could have asked the owner to waive it. It was only a day late and I've never been late before. Now our Christmas is ruined.

 

[HaoZi]

$50 late fee?! Ouch! That's steep.

As for ex... what does custody and visitation agreement say? If it says he drives, then he drives. Period. Brook no argument from him, take no koi from him. He wants to argue he can argue with the judge. It's one thing if it's a TRUE emergency or a pre-arranged situation that's agreeable to both, but this situation - that just sounded spiteful. No. He can bring them home or the police can enforce the visitation (I'm seeing the face of Grumpy Cat from Facebook in my head right now).

 

[Californiablonde]

Lol, it's funny you should mention grumpy cat right now. I have been seeing her everywhere these last couple of weeks. She makes me smile. That look on her little face totally reminds me of how I'm feeling ATM.

 

[HaoZi]

Kiddo and I love Grumpy Cat. Just yesterday I learned Grumpy Cat has her own FB page, though most of the best pix are done using her photos by other pages. My favorite is "Dashing through the NO". She reminds me of Kiddo LMAO.

 

[witzend]

I pay my bills online, and regular ones like mortgage I have set up to be paid by the bank each month on the last possible day that they are due. They're never late, and I avoid fees that way. Plus, no stamps, no going to deliver the payment.

 

[Californiablonde]

And now the principal's secretary at difficult child's school just called and wants to set up a meeting to discuss her attendance. Can this day get any better? I just want to go home, bury myself under the covers, and sleep until it's Friday.

 

[HaoZi]

I stopped asking if things can get worse, because apparently the universe took that as a challenge.

 

[DDD]

I'm truly sorry you are having such a hard time but I just have to ask...have you ever been on ADHD medications? I am very very familiar with ADHD and partially familiar with BiPolar (BP) (only one difficult child with that diagnosis) but it sure reads like you may have attention deficit and I know for sure that medications help with that. Any chance? I know you're going to the new psychiatrist and figured I'd bring up the question now. DDD

 

[InsaneCdn]

It's tricky with BiPolar (BP) mixed in with ADHD... but do ask the psychiatrist.

I'm ADHD without the other stuff, and a sane (well, mostly sane) husband, and only one full-blown difficult child and... I can't survive without my ADHD medications.

 

[DammitJanet]

I have a load of attention issues due to my bipolar, at least I am assuming its the bipolar. It could be medications or even one of the other disorders.

 

[Star*]

In SC - we have an ESCORT system where in couples who just can't seem to get it together -----MEET 1/2 way at a place of convenience and EXCHANGE children with a SHERIFF or OFFICER present. This prevents a LOT of this HE said, SHE said and threats. We get just as many women as men calling to set the meetings up. It's amicable, the children don't get further damage unless.......the parents are stone cold idiots and call each other on the phone AFTER and argue, and that can be avoided by turning off the phone.....and it's nice for the parents that would sooner just not say boo to each other. Most of them have it set up that way through the court system.

Secondly.....When you ask your Mother to help? You're already inviting trouble into your home. You're how old? And you've known her HOW long? And she's been a butinski, over bearing, do it HER way personality for XX years? Yet this surprises you that she has negative comments to make about your home, your lifestyle, your cleaning habits, your children, their toothbrushes, their hygiene? Really? Really?........REALLY? And THAT ruined your WHOLE day????? (looks up to the corner of the room as if....) NAH...........no. I think I would have said OMG OMG OMG ......she came, she helped she said NOTHING.....and then been like - WTH? What's she up to.....she freaked me out and kept her trap shut....I have no idea what shes up to....she's so unpredictable ----I'm off balance....it wrecked my whole day.....ahhhhhhhhhh. (yeah see that makes more sense) but to be SURPRISED by her lack of respect for your home? Nooooooooooope (pops p with mouth) not even () much there kid......nope. (popped the p again) She wouldn't get to own MY day. Know what I mean?? I need to just write you some zingers or something......like - OMG Mom someone must have broken into my house and emptied the drawers WHAT DO YOU MEAN there is nothing in my drawers? OMG......get out of that house NOW!!!!!!! HOW did you know the drawers were empty?????? WERE YOU SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPING? Who does that Mom really? How old are you? You have issues Mother. (see.......?????)

And with regard to greasy hair? and having a 15 year old......I would say (and I love this one) "WELL MOM.......You raised me and I'm raising her the best way I know by the example YOU set for me......what do you want?????"

Honestly woman......lol

Now with that landlady......it's true - maybe she could have given you the $50 ......but she didn't. End of story. Doesn't matter HOW many times you've paid on time. You were late. There is a fee. Brain or not....BiPolar (BP) or not. Calendar or not. Tis what it tis. It's over......and you're out $50.....let it go. (and no it's not easy for me to say-.......I have no money either)

HOWEVER......Christmas is NOT ruined. Christmas is what you make it. It's the spirit of the season. It's from your heart.....and not your purse. It's 1 day out of 365......and the date was picked by a Roman Catholic Pope....so PICK another.....and tell the kids.......Christmas will be on.....12-25......BUT this year you are going to celebrate THREE KINGS day -----look up the meaning.......and CELEBRATE IT. Make some new traditions.....and DON"T LET THE DAY BE RUINED.

Listen here EEyore. I want you to get up in the morning.....and write positive words of affirmation on sticky notes and start loving yourself. Stop blaming everyone and take CONTROL of your life.

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR........I AM BEAUTIFUL.......I AM INTELLIGENT.......I AM WORTHY........I AM IN CHARGE........there.....that takes care of this week. NOW cut, and print........and put them all over your house.

AND BELIEVE.......and as far as goodwill? SCREW washing the clothes......they BALE 90% of donated clothes anyway.......and don't care if they get things washed.....they make more money on baled clothing. TRUSH me.....worked there.......I baled 22,000 lbs of clothes a week.......we didn't sell anywhere NEAR that. BAG the baskets and DUMP them in a donation box.......they'll get used. And you'll save soap , time and electricity.

Plus you'll have three baskets......

Hugs * Love
Star

 

[buddy]

Save the texts or photo them at least. (Can you lock them) let him rant next time but don't give in.save everything, record everything.
You have discussed your mom many times. I'm trying to think how to say this so you can hear my tone is caring and understanding. You allow her to do many jobs that parents typically do and it's ok to need support. But she probably feels more like a mom to them. You admit your boundaries with her are poor. I have been there and we went to family counseling so I get its hard but the solution really wasnt. We all agreed we.love eachother and simply no more fixing things for eachother, only encouragement allowed etc. Now years later we help eachother in true normal emergencies or typical mother and sister things. Right now, You like the care your mom gives you and don't seem ready to tell her to stop so somehow have to let go of her judgement until you can decide you want to live a more independent life. It's not a judgement its just how it is and you really do have power.

by the way, I have limited Xmas, last year was desperate. Call the salvation army and get on their list (or toys for tots) people here recommended that to me and it was actually a nice experience. I ended up volunteering there too. Fifty dollars was 100 less than my former complex! Even when there was a bank error! Sorry abt that. I keep an alarm repeating reminder in my phone to pay rent.

 

[DammitJanet]

Whats done is done. As far as your daughter and her greasy hair, I think I have suggested this before but if I havent, tell her you are giving her a little mom and daughter beauty time and dye her hair a shade darker or lighter (not much...all it takes is one shade) and her hair will stay less oily for a long time. She is at the age where all her hormones are going to make her more oily. I did this with my youngest two in their teens and it helped so much. Even though they lived for showers, their hair always seemed to look oily. Especially Jamie who had long hair. Dying hair dries it out quite a bit.

I bet she will love it. You could even trim the ends if it is long. Cut off the split ends.

 

[Californiablonde]

To answer the ADHD question, I am not. I have no problems whatsoever with paying attention. I do have a bad short term memory and I believe that's BiPolar (BP) related. difficult child 1 has the same issues. I'm feeling a bit better today. difficult child decided to go to school. I had to bribe her with Mcdonald's for breakfast but she went. I have decided to brush off my mom's insults and ignore them. I should be used to it by now and like Star said, it's expected. As far as my ex, you better believe I have all of his texts saved. Including the one where he cancelled visits for a month because I wouldn't drive there. Anyway, thank you all again for your support. Today is a better day.