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My father passed away last night....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 137605" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Barbara, </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry your Father has passed. You have my biggest hugs and condolences. Your Dad was lucky to have a great daughter like you. </p><p></p><p>My Dad passed away 8 years ago. It certainly doesn't seem that long. For my Mom it was the hardest, but I never knew it. Not for the longest time anyway. She hardly cried. I didn't know if that was because it seemed towards the end of my Dad's life that he was distant and they loved each other but seemed to disagree about a lot of things. (That was my take) </p><p></p><p>Things I didn't know until after the memorial service (Father also did not want a funeral or relatives called) were things like- the house noises. The knowing what to do after being a housewife for years (mowing the lawn, car care, security of the house, credit cards in her name, grocery shopping help, how to make meals for one not 2 and not wanting to talk to anyone about how she felt being alone). Those were the things that struck me as - day to day, but for Mom were a struggle to get going on. </p><p></p><p>She has also been diagnosis with depression recently from (we are sure) her bumping around in that house alone. Some days she would say she only had talked to herself monday - friday. So just calling her and asking her advice on some things (things a lot of time I knew how to do, but used as an excuse just to call). Making sure the back door went from a door with a window to a solid door with double locks. Locks on the basement door. Getting her a book for how to freeze meals in portion sizes so she can spend one day cooking and bag it. She lost so much weight after Dad passed - she just didn't want to cook or grocery shop. And the lawn - we kinda left that go so she WOULD get out of the house. </p><p></p><p>She has danced her whole adult life - so she got back into ballroom dancing to be around people she enjoys and has common interests in - but DO NOT make blind dates or "chance" meetings for her like my sister did. OMG I got the call of the decade after that. In my sisters mind - you can only be happy if you have a man. In my Mom's mind - my sister is nuts. My Mom is beautiful - but she said 50 years give or take was enough. </p><p></p><p>I think the top things for us were - lonlieness, safety, food. The rest she's figured out on her own very nicely. My dad wanted to be cremated and have his ashes sprinkled over the Cleveland Browns stadium. We called and they said DHEC would frown on that - so my sister went to a game and put his ashes in a baggie and let some of him go that way. My Mom put her empty time into creating a memorial garden and that's where dad is so she can just go out in their huge back yard and talk to him. And occasionally she does. </p><p></p><p>You're in my thoughts and prayers. </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 137605, member: 4964"] Barbara, I am so sorry your Father has passed. You have my biggest hugs and condolences. Your Dad was lucky to have a great daughter like you. My Dad passed away 8 years ago. It certainly doesn't seem that long. For my Mom it was the hardest, but I never knew it. Not for the longest time anyway. She hardly cried. I didn't know if that was because it seemed towards the end of my Dad's life that he was distant and they loved each other but seemed to disagree about a lot of things. (That was my take) Things I didn't know until after the memorial service (Father also did not want a funeral or relatives called) were things like- the house noises. The knowing what to do after being a housewife for years (mowing the lawn, car care, security of the house, credit cards in her name, grocery shopping help, how to make meals for one not 2 and not wanting to talk to anyone about how she felt being alone). Those were the things that struck me as - day to day, but for Mom were a struggle to get going on. She has also been diagnosis with depression recently from (we are sure) her bumping around in that house alone. Some days she would say she only had talked to herself monday - friday. So just calling her and asking her advice on some things (things a lot of time I knew how to do, but used as an excuse just to call). Making sure the back door went from a door with a window to a solid door with double locks. Locks on the basement door. Getting her a book for how to freeze meals in portion sizes so she can spend one day cooking and bag it. She lost so much weight after Dad passed - she just didn't want to cook or grocery shop. And the lawn - we kinda left that go so she WOULD get out of the house. She has danced her whole adult life - so she got back into ballroom dancing to be around people she enjoys and has common interests in - but DO NOT make blind dates or "chance" meetings for her like my sister did. OMG I got the call of the decade after that. In my sisters mind - you can only be happy if you have a man. In my Mom's mind - my sister is nuts. My Mom is beautiful - but she said 50 years give or take was enough. I think the top things for us were - lonlieness, safety, food. The rest she's figured out on her own very nicely. My dad wanted to be cremated and have his ashes sprinkled over the Cleveland Browns stadium. We called and they said DHEC would frown on that - so my sister went to a game and put his ashes in a baggie and let some of him go that way. My Mom put her empty time into creating a memorial garden and that's where dad is so she can just go out in their huge back yard and talk to him. And occasionally she does. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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