Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
My Father the narcissistic shell of a man?!(sorry long)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 199803" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It sounds to me like he is justifying the past and trivialising anything that he could be criticised for, to duck out of ay possibility of being criticised. People do this, even if they know they are wrong.</p><p></p><p>One of my sisters was fairly horrible to me when I was little. She's been good since, but when she was in her teens and I was just starting school, she was often mean. I can look back now and understand why she was so angry and why I was the target (I was there). Like you, I can look back now, having dealt with the fallout (which could not even come close to what you have been though, of course) but she herself cannot. She had to rewrite the truth in her own way, to trivialise it and even justify it, in the same way your father has made light of all he did and tried to make it seem not only normal, but a fun thing to do.</p><p></p><p>It was my mother's funeral, easy child was about 14 at the time. We were at the wake afterwards; if anything, at the after-wake wake. My sister was talking to easy child (loudly) about what a nuisance little sisters can be, about how it is perfectly acceptable to give them a hard time because after all, little sisters are a real nuisance. easy child was grinning, looked like she was having fun and I was seething - my older daughter was being indoctrinated to bully her younger sister and encouraged to compare stories as if they were telling funny stories. It was wrong, it was immoral and it was also undermining my parental authority - it had been triggered by my correcting easy child for shouting at her sister.</p><p></p><p>I didn't react - there would have been no point. It did occur to me though, that my sister was still more damaged by what she did to me, than I still was by what she did.</p><p></p><p>Later that evening when we were alone in the apartment we were staying in, easy child came and talked to me about it. "I couldn't believe just how ignorant Aunty could have been, to talk like that to me. I know you've told me hat she used to do - how could she justify it like that?" and she gave me a hug. Her grin had been partly horrified fascination, partly not wanting her aunt to realise just how badly she condemned herself with every word.</p><p></p><p>It's all in the past for me, there is no point in trying to resolve things with my sister - she was only a child herself and to her credit, she did stop as soon as she was old enough to realise it was wrong. She's been good to me since. But in her mind, the only way she can live with herself is to trivialise and deny. A pity, because SHE is the one now most damaged by what she did.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 199803, member: 1991"] It sounds to me like he is justifying the past and trivialising anything that he could be criticised for, to duck out of ay possibility of being criticised. People do this, even if they know they are wrong. One of my sisters was fairly horrible to me when I was little. She's been good since, but when she was in her teens and I was just starting school, she was often mean. I can look back now and understand why she was so angry and why I was the target (I was there). Like you, I can look back now, having dealt with the fallout (which could not even come close to what you have been though, of course) but she herself cannot. She had to rewrite the truth in her own way, to trivialise it and even justify it, in the same way your father has made light of all he did and tried to make it seem not only normal, but a fun thing to do. It was my mother's funeral, easy child was about 14 at the time. We were at the wake afterwards; if anything, at the after-wake wake. My sister was talking to easy child (loudly) about what a nuisance little sisters can be, about how it is perfectly acceptable to give them a hard time because after all, little sisters are a real nuisance. easy child was grinning, looked like she was having fun and I was seething - my older daughter was being indoctrinated to bully her younger sister and encouraged to compare stories as if they were telling funny stories. It was wrong, it was immoral and it was also undermining my parental authority - it had been triggered by my correcting easy child for shouting at her sister. I didn't react - there would have been no point. It did occur to me though, that my sister was still more damaged by what she did to me, than I still was by what she did. Later that evening when we were alone in the apartment we were staying in, easy child came and talked to me about it. "I couldn't believe just how ignorant Aunty could have been, to talk like that to me. I know you've told me hat she used to do - how could she justify it like that?" and she gave me a hug. Her grin had been partly horrified fascination, partly not wanting her aunt to realise just how badly she condemned herself with every word. It's all in the past for me, there is no point in trying to resolve things with my sister - she was only a child herself and to her credit, she did stop as soon as she was old enough to realise it was wrong. She's been good to me since. But in her mind, the only way she can live with herself is to trivialise and deny. A pity, because SHE is the one now most damaged by what she did. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
My Father the narcissistic shell of a man?!(sorry long)
Top