My favorite neice's son passed away yesterday.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DDD, Apr 16, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Her sister called me this morning and shared the sad news. I'm not much for tears but they did flow. He was the only child they had. The parents will not talk about his death even with siblings. The only news they shared is that he will be cremated. No conversation about cause of death. No conversation about services. It has been over 24 hours and they are still in total shock.

    husband told me this afternoon "I am guessing it was suicide because he has not had a happy life. He was over weight, ADHD etc. and the object of extreme bullying when he was a student." I think he turned 26 on his last birthday. They loved his greatly.

    I assume by tomorrow there will be some further word. I asked her sister to let her know that if I could be any comfort I would be there within five hours of the call. She is the eldest child of my older sister who died almost twenty years ago. It's so sad. DDD
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm sending strength to the family... And you, too.
  3. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry......keeping your family (especially your niece) in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Oh gosh DDD, I am so very sorry .... HUGS
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am so sorry DDD. When the pain is so intense, it is hard to talk about. I am sure the funeral home will help in giving them resources to start to manage this deep deep grief. :( Some day soon they may feel the need to talk and hopefully they will call upon you. Hugs to you and your family!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, that is so sad.
    How awful. From your description, your hunch sounds right.
    {{Many hugs}}
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm a softly assertive person. i keep wondering if I should call her direct...or not. It's such an awful circumstance that I am torn trying to figure out what the "right" thing is to do. A short telephone call saying I love you and I'm ready to do anything I can sounds right......but since we don't see each other often, I am waiting for a call from her sister. The situation is not only sad but also a bit strange. I don't often second guess my tendencies. In this case, however, I remember how devestated I was when easy child/difficult child had emergency brain surgery and I didn't want anyone calling until I had stabilized and he had too. DDD
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    3D if your instinct is to call her, then call her.

    I know you don't know the cause of death, but if it is suicide, they're going to feel even more alone than normal under the circumstances.

    Upon hearing about bff's OD, I was at her mother's side in 5 mins. (she lives like 3 blocks from me) I know her fairly well via bff, but it's not like we're close or anything. But I knew she'd be devastated as her worst fear had just become reality. I wanted her to know I'd be available for anything she needed, even if it was just holding her hand. Instead I held her for the longest time. She knew I understood in a way the rest of her family couldn't. I knew all the dirty ins and outs of both mental illness and bff's drug/alcohol addiction.

    Trust your instincts.

    Sending prayers of both strength and comfort for the whole family, but especially the parents.

  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I've decided to wait until tomorrow. Chances are they haven't slept since they got the news. I'm hesitant to call and disturb their sleep. Tomorrow I'll call, even if I have to leave a message in the phone, because I really care and she "may" need a Mom figure to turn to. Fingers crossed this is the best decision. DDD
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I think contacting her is a really good choice. I know that when I am grieving I become a recluse - yet I want and need to know that people are there if I need them.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'd rather err on the side of contact than not... I'd rather sy I'm not
    Sure what to say or do than leave them possibly hanging alone.

    Hugs and prayers.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Best of luck tomorrow.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm sorry i'm late to this. i'm so sorry

  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry...hugs and prayers for you and the family.
  15. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm so sorry for your dear great-nephew's death. I'd make plans to go out and just be there for them. Bring a meal maybe. And plan on going out again in a few weeks if you can.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Just saw this. I am so very sorry. Losing a child is the most awful, horrible, unnatural thing that can happen to a parent. If this was suicide it will be even more important to be there for the parents. Not just now - for many many months. Long after many people will say they should be "moving on" or "over" it.

    If your instinct is to call, then call. Even if you just leave a message. While it may be hard to do, please encourage them to seek grief therapy if/when the time seems right. Many funeral homes will offer grief support groups, and tdocs also can help. Suicide is truly devastating and grief therapy can be an immense help. Esp when the anger hits - how dare he, why, how did I not see, etc... It can make a huge difference as you go through the devastation.

  17. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    DDD, I wish there was something I could say...

    I've got you and your neice and family in my prayers...

  18. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Coming in late here, too. Our condolences to you and the rest of the family.
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I called late morning. Left a message for her. Spoke to her younger sister who was in transit back to her home that is near me. All she knows is that "he died at the hospital" and that the parents have an appointment tomorrow at the funeral home. I did verify that her husband's brother and wife live close to the bereaved parents so at least they won't be alone during this painful process. Living five hours away I can't really jump in the car for an unexpected brief visit If she calls me, however, I will be in the car and on the way pronto. Thanks for your caring. Sad situation. DDD
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, D. That's awful!